About the void I feel, you absolutely nail it on the head. I’ve never been more myself than when I indulge in RP or semi-RP with tiny ladies. They see a part of me that’s been hidden forever, and they love that part of me. It’s incredibly validating and at the same time, reality comes back twice as hard to crush me. That’s the part that make me feel even lonelier in this life, more so than just the lack of a life partner, but one who sees me without any facade, at my most vulnerable.

Sadly I had to stop my therapy sessions because my insurance ran out and I couldn’t afford to pay for them out of pocket, but I’m restarting them in January, hopefully this time around I’ll be able to push through my mental block and talk openly about my fetish. I feel there’s still a lot to unpack in there.

For me I had to realize that I had lost sight of the healthy ways I used to engage with the community, i.e. Writing stories, reading comics, and other artsy outlets. Instead I found myself jumping from community member to community member in the hopes of finding a connection, i.e. a magical rp session that could fill the void in me.

It might be obvious to some folks on the outside that the lonlyness wasn’t caused by the kink, but god it took me a long time to actually believe that. I’ve since realized that that’s just because I feel more when I am reminded of my kink. Feel more vulnerable, exhilarated, heartbroken, you name it. It’s like my greatest desires turn my emotions to mush and melt away the mental armor that I usually depend on to get through the shittier parts of life.

When it comes with being honest with your conselor, you also litterally couldn’t shock them if you tried. They’ve seen it all, and thus are probably the most equipped when it comes to helping you navigate it and parse through your biases about it.

Good luck with everything!

I’ve walked the fine line of depression for most my life, I only admitted this kink for 2 of my GFs, both thought it was cute but sadly, one was a long distance and one moved away.

Right now, I’m exhausted, hating myself and just done with things.

(Are you even in a relationship? They way you’re phrasing it now makes it sound like you are.)

To be blunt? It’s not a one size fits all kind of situation, is the thing. I’m pretty sure if you checked, there’d be a lot of people on this forum who aren’t totally open about this kind of thing, and… that’s OK? Your relationship is your relationship, not anyone else’s, and it should go at whatever pace you and your partner are comfortable with, not whatever pace is ‘normal’. Normal is honestly kind of a toxic fucking lie, in my opinion, and it messes a lot of people up because it makes so many people go, ‘But I’m not doing it like everyone else!’ when everyone else does it their own personal way, as well.

Don’t try and force it, that’s not going to help. If you’re not ready, it’ll stress you out, mess you up, which would probably get noticed and responded to by your partner (if you don’t end up taking it out on them to some extent, since, you know, people are universally known to be more angry/withdrawn when stressed out, which is great for healthy communication! /s), plus, you may be right in that your relationship isn’t ready. Maybe it’s too early or something. How the fuck would I know if it’s ready or not? I’m not you, I don’t live your life, I’m in no position to tell you when and if that time is, you are.

The relationship itself has a sort of expectation, even if it’s unstated, that at some point you will talk about this kind of thing, to be open and honest.

What you wrote is so very true, and yet that’s something I still struggle with. I have a hard time opening up and trusting, I always focus on the negative outcomes of any situations, and it’s very hard for me to allow myself to be vulnerable with someone. Admitting this kink is then basically impossible.

A long road ahead for me.

Like, I have family and friends, and I talk to them a lot, and tell them a lot of things I wouldn’t tell anyone else, but I don’t tell them my fetishes. There’s no… expectation for it, for lack of a better word, no need. I could tell them, I have a small group of friends who I would, if I had to tell someone in RL, we trust each other with things we wouldn’t really tell anyone else, but again, the lack of a significant other means there’s no reason to tell them, for, like, the sake of the relationship or something.

Meanwhile, even if you’re not having sex about it, having a significant other in some form is… intimate. in a healthy relationship, they’re the ones you trust with that kind of thing, and in a lot of cases should trust with them, because how you desire that kind of thing effects how you act and so on. The relationship itself has a sort of expectation, even if it’s unstated, that at some point you will talk about this kind of thing, to be open and honest.

And I think that’s what I’m getting at (while lacking the proper terminology), because I’m asexual/aromantic, there’s no need for me to tell others about this because of them, or for them, if I tell them it’s only because I want to.

Takes me a while to open up, even in such a safe space. Wish me good luck for the next session.

So - therapy is good. Talking is good. Talking to non judgemental stranger is even better, you can open yourself up to them with things you’d never mention to anyone in your circle. All of that is good. But - it’s not a silver bullet. It’s not the golden remedy that will work right from the get go. It’s a… Process. God, I hate that word (at least in sports), but it really is one. And I think it’s worth it.

As long as you stay completely open. No boundaries, no pretending you are this “better” person around, dropping the mask of grey normality, just tell the therapist everything you want and need. I spoke about this kink only to internet people, and a therapist. She (therapist) was actually curious about this kink, what fascinates me, what keeps me wanting more of it. Or just pretended to be curious, which is why they get paid for just listening to people, haha.

almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie

Hollow punched toonie, lol I’m stealing that expression.

It was actually in a private clinic (I know, shame on me) and from the look in her eyes she probably thought I was going to flatline right here and there.

I should bring my EKGs next time and explain to her what’s happening lol.

You should feel proud of getting the help you need though. It seems like so many people here have had great results from therapy. I hope you have the same experience.

which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50).

Jokes, almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie. That, and those shitty ERFA stethoscopes they made us use exclusively for covid patients. If a new rn is spooked by a bad read, they might be on their first day working provincial.

You know… I’ve been married and trust me you can be years in a relationship and still feel alone.

You mention pets, I think my cat is a great help to my mental health. I got her when she was so tiny, she could fit into the palm of my hand. You can say I always loved cute, small things.

As for the therapist, I’m comfortable enough but I haven’t had much experience to judge. I’m just not a people’s person, so if I feel at ease with her after a few sessions, for me it’s a very positive sign. I hope so.

My life has been aiming for a sense of longing and that’s maybe why I keep going back to this kink, mostly to a sense of a relationship, I still live in a petless environment and been alone for most my life.

I sadly have a shitty therapist, wanting to leave them, the one I had before I sadly never revealed my fetish to them. Wish I had.

As someone getting therapy, I’ve got to say just… talking in a judgement free zone like that really helps. I’ve never mentioned this there, but then again, like I said this isn’t a big load for me, compared ot all the other shit happening to me.

Side note: make sure you’re comfortable with your therapist first, though, before you do anything big. I’ve never had any problems, but my sister? First meeting with one, she walks in and the woman starts going on about her weight… which is not only fucked up, is really weird because she’s not fat or anything? It’s like she wanted to pull weight issues out of the ether.

So, yeah. Making sure you have a good bond with them, and trust them not to pull bullshit on you, is important.

Funny you should talk about low heart beart. I sometimes experience a condition called Bigeminy, arrhythmia due to premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50). Good way to freak out the new nurses!

I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful.

Thanks, Lily. That’s exactly what I think. This sizey longing can be (bitter)sweet too, and even be enjoyable, and I’ve lived with it just fine for a long while.

Right now it has been tainted by depression, and exacerbates my feeling of loneliness. I was curious if others have had those feelings as well, to some extent.

It’s so interesting that you bring up Freud because that was actually one of my fears when I first thought about going to therapy. I’ve studied him when I was younger and I was worried that his ideas were still being used. I’m much more a fan of Carl Jung, but that’s another story.

Here in Canada, at least in Quebec, CBT is by far the most used method. My therapist main area of expertise is with PTSD for Canadian Armed Forces personnel, where CBT has shown to be greatly effective.

@tiny-ivy said in Depression and Size Kink:

If you’re finding that this kink is too troubling, you can put it down and walk away for as long as you want. It will still be here for you if you ever want to pick it up again, after a period of time of you focusing on your mental health.

That’s the thing… I’ve already tried to put it down in the past, and the truth is that I simply can’t. It’s not a switch I can turn off, it’s a huge part of my sexuality wheter I want it or not. I thought that I could live without it and it only led to even more frustration and isolation. I realize not everyone with the fetish has this level of intensity, but that’s just my own experience.

and men suffer the most from this lack. To customize the meme, “Men will literally shrink themselves to the size of a mouse and beg women to step on them rather than go to therapy.”

Ain’t that the truth?! I fully admit that I’m guilty of this as well. I think there has been rapid changes to that perception amongst males in the past decade or two, but it took everything (and hitting the wall) for me to seek help and get in therapy. I even admitted to my therapist I almost didn’t show up.