I recently had been diagnosed with body dysmorphia disorder after having to got to the mental hospital(I am still not sure if it’s an official diagnosis, it said on my discharge forms I have BDD). I mainly have body dysmorphia with my height, I honestly feel a bit embarrassed about having BD with my height because usually people have it with their weight and face.
Before I got diagnosed I had been using g/t unconsciously to cope. I used both M/f works from other people and I would draw myself as a tiny person.
I used to get very jealous of men because I felt they had more size media to go to if they ever felt too large. I also felt as if the culture around F/m being the dominant fantasy in the community also made me feel jealous and upset because it feels as if the culture was forcing me to be something I feel very very uncomfortable with. But ever since I found out I had BD and that I had been using size media as a cope for it, the jealousy had died down a bit because I am now more aware of the origins of my emotions.
I really really hate feeling large. But I am also body dysmorphic about my height, I always feel as if I am too tall or large. So drawing myself as a less than one inch person makes me feel the way I want to feel.
Unfortunately people shorter than me(5’4”, no hate to anyone who is shorter than me) trigger my body dysmorphia and make me feel self conscious. I always feel this anxiety in the back of my head, people shorter than me might comment on how much taller I am than them.
I feel like the drawings I made of me being tiny, even if they are low effort, help me feel more comfortable in public and around people shorter than me.
M/f media other people made also achieve this but I feel as if the drawings of me being tiny helped the most because they shrink me. And also media where there are a race of people much larger than humans achieved the same effect of drawings of me tiny.
It’s also why I personally feel very uncomfortable at size media with people much smaller than humans. I still think that media has a right to exist, even though I personally don’t like it. People worked very hard to animate The Secret World of Arrietty, it must have thousands of drawings.
M/f G/t and overall G/t used to be a fetish for me. And then it became a romantic interest to me(maybe still a fetish but with no sexual undertones). And now it’s so much more. To me, it’s an aesthetic, an interest, a romantic interest, and a mental illness cope.
Which is why I personally hate it when people think of the size community, they just think of “the giantess fetish”.
Does anyone else feel the same way about G/t and size? Does anybody else use size media as a mental illness cope?
