@foreverlurk honestly I’ve been in the same boat, and one thing I realized through talking to my counselor about my relationship with G/t is that the question of “did something cause this kink?” doesn’t even really matter. Instead, what matters is how you have used your relationship with this kink in order to support yourself through hard times, and the question of whether or not the ways we indulge in them today are still actually helping.
For me I had to realize that I had lost sight of the healthy ways I used to engage with the community, i.e. Writing stories, reading comics, and other artsy outlets. Instead I found myself jumping from community member to community member in the hopes of finding a connection, i.e. a magical rp session that could fill the void in me.
It might be obvious to some folks on the outside that the lonlyness wasn’t caused by the kink, but god it took me a long time to actually believe that. I’ve since realized that that’s just because I feel more when I am reminded of my kink. Feel more vulnerable, exhilarated, heartbroken, you name it. It’s like my greatest desires turn my emotions to mush and melt away the mental armor that I usually depend on to get through the shittier parts of life.
When it comes with being honest with your conselor, you also litterally couldn’t shock them if you tried. They’ve seen it all, and thus are probably the most equipped when it comes to helping you navigate it and parse through your biases about it.
Good luck with everything!
