Chapter 23
Aiden
I feel elated at how well this is going. This entire thing has had me in a weird state of anxiety mixed with giddiness. It almost feels like I’ve spent so much time dreaming, only to realize that none of this is a dream at all. One of my good friends is here with me, and she sees it too – she can see and touch and talk to the impossibly tiny girl I’ve been sharing so much of my time with. The opportunity to finally tell someone else about this has filled me with a relief that I wasn’t expecting.
Evie and Moira gaze at each other for a few seconds, to the point that I feel like I’m intruding. And then it’s the shrunken one who pipes up to encourage the next step. “Want to try actually lifting me up?”
Moira looks extremely hesitant, her eyebrows curving more and more with concern. “I feel like I’m going to knock you over.”
“You might,” Evie laughs, “It’s okay if you do. But I’ve gotten better at balancing.”
There’s further hesitation, and I’m about to suggest that maybe Evie should sit down for this first time, but before I can, it happens. Moira’s summoned her courage enough to slowly raise her hand upwards, letting it hover an inch or two in the air. The take off is smooth, hardly destabilizing the smaller girl at all, and even as she lifts her hand higher and away from the ottoman Evie stays on her feet. I feel like I should be taking notes.
It’s almost funny how much I can relate as I watch Moira cup her fingers around the precious cargo and reflexively clutch her second hand underneath the first for extra stability. Seeing her look so nervous and hesitant certainly helps me realize how far I’ve come.
“Um. Okay. Can I put you down now?” she mumbles and I notice how tightly clenched her shoulders are. She looks like she’s regretting pulling Evie so far away from a stable surface.
“I’ve got her,” I offer, and I extend my arm, touching my fingertips to the bottom of Mo’s hand, like docking a spacecraft to create a steady bridge. Our little space cadet takes it from there, stepping to the edge of one hand to hop onto the other. Once the transfer’s done I pull away again and Moira lets her arms drop down with relief.
“You did great,” Evie says, flashing a grin and double thumbs-up, and with my free hand I add a third, larger thumbs-up too, eliciting laughter from our guest. Still, we’ve thrown a lot her way with this initial meeting and I can tell we might be pushing her close to her limit.
“I’ll walk you out,” I say, slowly getting to my feet. Moira’s eyes are fixed on my hand that’s occupied, clearly on the verge of fretting about the casual way I’m moving around. Evie speaks up then, snapping her out of it.
“It was so nice to meet you!”
“Y-yeah, likewise!” Moira responds with a smile.
I drop Evie back off at the desk and we share a quiet grin, a secret moment of celebration over the success of this meetup. I’m overjoyed to see that she’s genuinely come around, and I’m feeling more hope than I have in a long time.
I follow Moira through the door to walk her out of the building - she knows the way so she doesn’t need me there, but I figure we might want a few minutes of privacy. As soon as I shut the door to the apartment her smile drops and she covers her face with her hands. I go stiff, pausing while still holding the door handle. I’d been so caught up in my own excitement that this reaction takes me off guard.
“I’m awake right now?” she whispers, “All of that really just happened?”
I relax a little. Right. Of course she’s still coming to terms with it all. “Afraid so…” I mutter and put a hand on her back. “I know, it’s a little overwhelming.”
I’d prepared Moira to the best of my abilities. I asked her to meet me for lunch yesterday and we found a private place to eat outside. Out of all my friends I figured she was the most likely to believe me, but I still wasn’t sure how she would react. I told her the story from the beginning, and she didn’t quite laugh but just seemed so confused, wondering what on earth I was getting at with my ridiculous tale. It wasn’t until I showed her a video of Evie on my phone that she became very serious. She had many questions that I answered as well as I could. But nothing could have fully prepared her for seeing the impossibility in person.
Taking a tremulous breath in, she slides her hands off her face and touches the arm I’m supporting her back with, absently giving it a thankful pat before she starts walking down the hallway.
“She looked so scared of me…” Moira whimpers, “Not that I blame her.”
“She was nervous,” I acquiesce, keeping pace with her shorter gait. “But I could tell she likes you, she was loosening up a lot by the end of it. She looked a thousand times more scared of me in the beginning, I promise.”
“I can’t believe this has been going on for so long. How are you holding up?”
“Me? I’m fine. I’ve liked having her around. And she’s been adjusting pretty well, all things considered.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this…” She looks up at me with such sincerity that I want to give her a big ol’ hug right then and there. “I promise I’ll keep it to myself. I want to help however I can.”
I walk in silence for a couple of paces before I quietly tell her, “Honestly, Mo, she just really needs a friend right now. Someone other than me.”
We’ve reached the door to the parking garage where she has her car waiting, and she turns to face me with a soft smile. “I’m more than happy to try. You said she has a phone, right? Give her my number, she can text me whenever she wants. Oh and Aiden…” Her expression shifts to a bit of a frown as she reaches up to give me a light, quick jab in the chest. “Watch it with the grabby hands?”
My mouth opens and closes a couple of times as I reel back for a second. Finally I stutter out, “I-I’m really careful, I swear!”
“I’m sure you are. But it’s more than that… Just make sure not to disrespect her autonomy, you know? I can only imagine how helpless someone might feel that small. Maybe it doesn’t help if you don’t give her the chance to move a couple of inches on her own.”
I can feel color flooding into my cheeks, and at first I think it’s just me getting defensive about Moira jumping to conclusions the second she gets invited to the party. But the longer I stand here the more I realize the heat I’m feeling in my face is stemming from shame. I think Evie and I are on the same page when it comes to this stuff. But the thought that I might be disrespecting her in any way makes me feel sick to my stomach. Any frustration around unsolicited advice quickly deflates within me like a balloon with a leak. It might actually be a good thing to have a third party’s perspective…
"Maybe you’re right,” I finally concede. “Maybe I’ve been getting too comfortable…”
She shrugs. “And maybe I’m wrong. Probably good to double check though, yeah?” I must still look conflicted because she adds with a more gentle tone, “You’re a good guy, Aiden. I’m sure you’re handling things fine. I wouldn’t have even known where to start… Let me know if either of you need anything, alright?”
“Will do. It was good to see you.”
“You too, man. I get why you’ve been so absent now, but still, I’ve missed hanging out.”
I have to bend down low to give her a hug while she stands on her tiptoes. We wish each other goodnight and then I head back to the apartment. When I step inside I notice that Evie’s laying backwards on her bed, holding her pillow over her face, and I might have been worried if her feet weren’t fluttering excitedly.
“Did we break you?” I laugh as I sit down beside her.
She drops the pillow to reveal her eager expression, upside down from my perspective. “I think I’m in love.”
You and me both, I say silently. It feels so wonderful to see her overflowing with joy like this.
“Well then, I’ll start planning the wedding," I quip, beaming. “Yup… there’s a reason I picked her to introduce you to. Everyone loves Moira."
“Dammit. That means I’ll have competition in winning her heart…”
She’s clearly kidding around, but seeing her elation is starting to make me feel just a little bit jealous. I can’t help but want to check…
“You might have a chance, you know," I say, dragging the joke out a bit more, "She’s single, and I’m not actually sure she’s fully straight.”
Evie lets out a theatrical sigh, resting the back of her hand against her forehead. “Tragically, though, I am. I guess I’ll have to settle for friendship."
My stomach does a flip. We’ve never delved into past relationships or anything like that, so it’s not until now that I’ve gotten confirmation that she’s into men. Good to know. Whether she’s into men fifty times her own size is an entirely different matter.
“You didn’t tell me just how much we had in common," Evie says, getting into a seated position on her bed.
“I didn’t want to tell you everything, you’d have nothing to talk about," I counter.
“Fair.” She lets out a more subtle and natural sigh this time, a sweet smile at the ready. “I’m so glad you convinced me to do this.”
“Yeah… Me too.”
There’s a wistful part of me that’s mourning the fact that she’s no longer my little secret that I get to keep just for myself. I mean, her happiness is absolutely worth it, and I hope this is a step in the right direction. But in a way, I’m also going to miss it just being me and her all the time.
I reach out towards her to… I don’t even know, touch her arm or something, make some kind of contact. But I interrupt myself, suddenly feeling self conscious, and my hand halts its journey halfway across the desk. I think about the talk I just had in the parking garage and retract my arm.
“Does it bother you?” I ask quietly, “When I pick you up and stuff without asking first?”
Evie frowns. “Is this about what Moira said with the manhandling?”
I don’t pretend to hide it. “Yes. The more I think about it, the more I’m worrying that I’m not doing a good job at like… making sure you still have agency, I guess.”
I expect her to minimize the issue, to just casually wave me off and tell me it’s fine like she always does. I’m already preparing to insist and really make sure she’s not hiding her true feelings from me. But then…
“I like it.”
My next word dies in my throat, leaving emptiness in its wake. I just stare.
Evie starts fidgeting with the bedsheets and tries to clarify, “Not you removing my agency, but… I don’t know, I just don’t see it that way.” She pulls her legs towards her chest as she leans back, in a slightly precarious balance. “We’re in a really weird situation and are having to write the rules as we go. Who knows if we’re doing it right. But I know I’m fine with how we are. Honestly, when you hold me, I just feel… safe.”
My heart is thumping hard. The weight of what she’s saying is enough to pin me to the chair. Am I imagining the look in her eyes right now? The insinuation in her voice? Surely I’m not just hallucinating the blush on her cheeks or the way she’s biting her lip?
I almost cave. Almost say something I shouldn’t. Or maybe I should. But instead I just say, “Oh… All good, then.”
Conflicted, my hand retraces its journey across the desk, this time slinking around Evie’s bed and hovering just behind her back - she really does look like she might topple backwards if she loses her balance. She smiles and leans back further, gently trust-falling against my fingers.
With a lighter tone, she says, “Don’t tell Moira I have a girl crush, I was just being silly. I don’t want her to think I’m weird.”
I tip her back onto the bed, letting my fingertips linger against her shoulders. I’m not sure I can match her buoyant tone, but I try, and I hope my smile makes up for it. "Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”