Chapter 18
Aiden
“Doing okay in there?” I ask, brushing a finger against my shirt pocket. I feel what I think are Evie’s little shoulders through the fabric.
There’s a shifting against my chest as she readjusts herself restlessly. “Y-yup! All good.”
I’m a bit nervous too. We haven’t gotten back into a car together since the first time. Every once in a while that image of her rolling over the edge of the dashboard still haunts me. I have no idea what would have happened if I hadn’t caught her. Thankfully sudden movements should no longer make her fall off a precipice.
I return my hand to join the other on the steering wheel. “We’re almost home. I’d say this was a successful test drive!”
“W-wait until we park to say that. Don’t jinx it…” Poor thing. She really sounds like she’s ready to be done.
A few minutes later we’re pulling into the parking garage and I can feel shuffling against me again as my tiny passenger stands up to stick her head out of my pocket. I stop the car, put it in park, and we both let out a sigh.
“Aiden,” says Evie nervously, and I pull my neck back so I can look down at her. “I didn’t want to freak you out so I kept quiet, but I had a thought during the drive back. If there was a crash bad enough for the airbag to pop out… do you think I’d get flattened in here?”
My blood goes cold. I feel pins and needles run over my skin like a wave and my heart rate picks up. I hadn’t even thought of that. The idea of her getting crushed, against me no less, is so horrifying that my hand moves reflexively up to my pocket to cover it protectively. No wonder she was so anxious during the drive with that swirling around in her head.
“That’s… a very good point,” I say shakily, “I-I’ll come up with something else.”
“I’m probably overthinking things.” She’s noticed the proximity of my hand and reaches out of the pocket to give it a reassuring pat, the lightest of sensations against my skin. “Or maybe I just don’t need to do car rides. As much as I like the thought of going out with you.”
Going out?! My heart’s racing all over again.
Wait. She means, like, going outside. Right. Of course she did.
“We’ll find a solution,” I say with a bit more strength. “I’d like to take you out too.” Take you… outside. Right…
After that rather stressful couple of minutes, I start to get a hold of myself again as I carry the takeout bag through the winding hallways and back to the apartment. Before I can even turn the key to the door, a small voice squeaks out of my pocket.
“Uggghhh, I can’t waaaait, I can smell it from here and it smells amazing.”
“Almost, almost!” I tell her with a laugh, stepping inside and setting the stuff down on the counter. “Hang tight for just a second.”
I pull out all the takeout boxes as Evie watches me avidly from her perch near my heart. We essentially just got a slew of appetizers, so I make sure to get her a tiny piece of everything onto one of her larger miniature plates. I get my fill as well and bring it all to the living room so that we can watch the anime while we eat. On a dish I’ve already set up a candle that’ll sit right next to the laptop so that it feels like a tiny campfire, to match the theme of the show. I have the kitchen light on too so we’re not just sitting in the dark, but the small flame is already creating a rather cozy atmosphere.
Once I’ve settled the plates directly onto the couch, I finally reach for my eager little friend, pushing down on the lip of my shirt pocket with one hand so that I can more easily slip my fingers around her torso with the other.
I’ve set her food on the edge of my own plate so that it’s at about the right height when she sits next to it. I take a seat on the floor and smile with amusement at Evie sitting there, her hands clapped in front of her mouth, as if she’s having a religious experience.
“Spanakopita, my love,” she finally gushes, taking the bit of pastry in her hands and raising it up reverently.
“Umm.” I was in the process of pulling up the show on my laptop, but I pause and raise an eyebrow at her. “Should I give you two some privacy?”
“Nope, you have to deal with this,” she says, taking a bite and then letting her head fall back for a second with pleasure before aiming her attention at me. “Someone has to press play. Let’s do this!”
If I knew a bit of spinach pastry is all it would take to make her so happy I would have done this much earlier. After everything she’s been through it warms my heart to see her full of joy like this. I start the show and we enjoy it as we feast. I like Greek food just fine, but Evie’s enthusiasm makes it taste even better to me.
We finish an episode and I make sure she’s done eating before tidying up the leftovers to clear some space off the couch. My shrunken friend is looking off in the distance longingly, seemingly deep in thought.
“This really does make me want to try camping,” she remarks, gesturing towards the laptop. “Though I have no idea how we’d even do it. It’s not like they make tents in my size. Or any other supplies really…”
She actually sounds pretty forlorn. It’s true that she doesn’t really get out much. I need to change that, bring her out into nature more often than I currently do. But in the meantime I try to lighten things up.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got a built-in tent right here,” I say, holding my hand up and bending it inwards to form an upside-down V. Then I plop the whole thing down on top of her, and she’s already giggling as I carefully knock her over backward from her seated position. I settle my domed hand onto the couch cushion, trapping her underneath. “See?” I add, biting back a laugh.
I never would have done something like this at the beginning. Hell, maybe I’m going overboard right now, physically pushing her down like this, even if I’m doing it gently. But her muffled laughter sounds so genuine. I really just think it’s a testament to how comfortable we’ve gotten with each other.
"You know,” she calls out, and I lean in so that I can hear her better, “this might actually be cozy if it wasn’t so dark in here!”
For a second I think she’s pushing upwards with her hands against mine, but then I quickly realize I’m actually feeling tiny bare feet kicking my fingers as she lays on her back.
I continue teasing her, grinning as I respond, “Huh? What’s that? You’ll have to speak up.”
She must have gotten up onto her knees because when I feel her next I can tell those really are her hands this time pushing against me. I let her shove my fingers aside as she pops her head out between the third and fourth digit, taking a dramatic deep breath before trying to wriggle her body out. The sight is both silly and absolutely precious.
But then, as much as I’ve gotten accustomed to her shrunken state, there are still moments where it really hits me just how little Evie is. Seeing only her head, no bigger than a marble, makes me feel a wave of dizziness. I spread my fingers out from around her and lift my hand away, suddenly afraid of hurting her… It wouldn’t have taken much more than a twitch to snap her neck. She hardly seems bothered, though. What a gift that she trusts me like this.
I regain myself and try to actually respond to her earlier wish. “We could rent a cabin. That way there’s less chance of having to deal with bugs or bad weather. It’s not quite the same but it could be fun?”
“Maybe,” she responds, getting to her feet. “Or I can just live vicariously through cute anime girls. Come sit up here, we’ve still got the last episode!”
I smile, nod, and get up off the floor, repositioning myself so that I can sit next to her. Lately we’ve started perching her up on my shoulder or my knee when we watch stuff, so by the time I’m on the couch she’s already walking up to my leg. She tries something new though, grabbing onto the fabric of my pants. I just watch her and let her try to pull herself up, but there clearly aren’t any good handholds.
“Nope, not happening,” she gasps, falling back to her feet and taking a couple of steps backwards.
“I got you,” I say, carefully lifting her up like she’s a chess piece and setting her on top of my leg. We start the episode.
There’s something… different happening today. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I just… I feel like I can’t keep my eyes off of her. I’d kept the habit at bay when I was sitting on the floor and my head was more level with hers, but now my eye line is much higher, making it easier for me to look without her noticing.
I watch as she settles onto me. She’s cross-legged for a bit, contentedly escaping into the colorful world on the screen. And then about ten minutes later she shifts her position and ends up laying on her stomach, propped onto her elbows with chin resting on her hands, legs bent with her feet up in the air.
I can’t stop staring. I don’t even try to hold off this time, as creepy as that sounds. I just observe her little form there in my lap for the entire rest of the episode, until my face is feeling warm and my heart starts beating harder.
Evie has no idea how good she looks. She’s got some homemade black shorts on that still manage to outline the shape of her rear, and her slender legs slowly drift through the air like flower petals in the breeze, her ankles occasionally crossing and uncrossing. The way her dainty little feet arch is almost ethereal, her toes so small that I have a hard time making them out in the candlelight. She’s wearing her usual gray strip of fabric looped around her top half, tied in a bow just above her tailbone, like a present begging to be unwrapped. The way the garment hangs on her frame accentuates the dip in her back, and I notice there’s the smallest gap that has formed within it that shows a sliver of bare skin at her waist.
Hold on. I’m getting… really excited. To the point that it’s starting to physically show. I can feel a lump forming between my legs, and it’s way too close to where she’s currently resting.
Panic floods my system. Shit. Shit. I can’t let her see. I have to step away. But I can’t exactly do that while she’s sprawled on top of me. The ending song of the episode is playing now and I attempt to position one of my arms so that my hand blocks the view of my crotch. I take a deep breath, and then with my other hand I reach out to gently stroke her back.
“Hey, Evie?” I say softly, trying to sound as sleepy as possible, “Sorry, I know we talked about maybe starting the second season tonight, but I think I need to call it here. I had to stay up late last night and I’m feeling super tired.”
She rolls over onto her back to look up at me and I’m really trying to keep my cool while also desperately hoping her gaze doesn’t drift too low. My finger’s still right there and she lifts her legs up to prop her feet up against it, shooting me a little smirk. God, she needs to stop being so adorable.
“Quitter,” she taunts, kicking at the digit.
I catch one of her tiny feet between finger and thumb and gently lower it back down. “Sorry… But I think we can agree that me falling asleep with you on me would be very bad.”
“Yeah, okay, that’s fair.” With that she stretches her arms up above her head as she yawns, her mid back arching and lifting off my leg. The strip of cloth hanging off of her slips, exposing more of her torso. Stop. Stop…
“We’ll start it on Friday, okay?” I say, lining my open hand up alongside her. I’m struggling to sound casual. I need to get out of here.
She nods and rolls back over so she can sit up, languidly stretching again before finally climbing onto my palm. I quickly lean forward to blow out the candle, and then I lift her up a little higher than I normally might, so terrified especially as I get up that she’s going to notice something. I try to surreptitiously tuck away the evidence as I stand.
“Good night, Evie.” I manage a smile as I put her back on the desk, crouching to make sure my waist is well out of sight.
“You too. Thanks for making the one-monthiversary special.” Her grateful smile in this moment is enough to break my heart into a thousand pieces.
I turn and try not to be too obvious about hurrying out of the room. And then I do something that I don’t normally do when I get into my own bedroom - I close the door.
I let my facade crumble then as I let out a shaky breath and collapse onto the bed. I need to calm down and get a hold of myself.
But as I stare up at the ceiling it’s like I can see images dancing across it, shadows of Evie’s tiny form. I can’t stop thinking about her, laying on my leg with her feet kicked up, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
I close my eyes. How amazing is it that I get to hold her the way I do, every day, her tiny body easily fitting on my palm or wrapped up in my fingers? And how wonderful is it that she’s so comfortable with me handling her now, that I can touch her so casually, pretty much whenever I want?
And yet there are so many other things I wish I could do.
I want to feel every bit of her between my fingers. Every bit of her. I want to roll her around in my palm like it’s nothing, push her into whatever position I’m feeling like. To touch every beautiful curve.
I want to bring her up to my face, closer than I ever have. To see her in greater detail. To gently snuggle her against my cheek. What would she feel like against the sensitive surface of my lips? What could it possibly be like to press such a small person against my mouth, covering her with gentle kisses as she writhes against me?
I’m sure something like that would terrify her. But what if I could actually make her feel good… What if I could figure out the ways to elicit moans of pleasure from the way I touch her… The smallest of sighs as she closes her eyes and rolls her head back and gives in to me…
What if that fabric had completely slipped off of her and I could see what was underneath. To feel her tiny, naked form against my own skin…
It’s too much. I’m drowning in my thoughts, the images in my head swirling as my breath comes in shallow.
My hand is down my pants now as I imagine what she would feel like down there. There’s so much her little body is capable of, so many ways she could make me feel amazing, and she has no idea. She’s just so small… so tiny… so—
I release right then with a tight, stifled groan. The bliss lasts for all of half a second… before it’s replaced by an intense, stomach-curdling, heart-wrenching shame. My eyes snap open and I’m breathing hard.
Oh god. What am I doing?
I drape an arm over my face, covering my eyes as I grit my teeth. And I curse under my breath.
What is wrong with me? What am I thinking? I feel incredibly dirty. I just got so caught up… How could I let myself do this? Evie’s my friend – my precious, precious friend…
And then I finally acknowledge it. I have feelings for this girl.
Our chemistry was obvious from the moment we met. We have just enough in common that we bonded quickly but enough differences to be able to share and learn from each other too. Every day has been a new joy as I discover the parts that make her her. The way she organizes things so meticulously, how eager and excitable she gets, and especially her sweet and caring side in my regard. We’ve gotten so close so quickly over the past few weeks - I’ve spent more time with her than anybody else this last month.
But it’s never enough. If I could have my way I’d be spending every waking moment with her. I love our friendship, so much. But it’s gone beyond that. I’ve begun caring about her on a much deeper level.
And I lust after her. Even before she got shrunk I thought she was gorgeous, with those big, brown doe eyes, her smile that even now can light up the entire room, her incredible body that curves in all the right places. And my brain is wired to enjoy her stature right now. I can’t help finding her even more beautiful when tiny. Her size is just… absolutely intoxicating. And there’s a sick part of me that likes the fact that it makes her helpless, keeps her stuck here, keeps her dependent. Dependent on me.
I can’t push my feelings onto her. A part of me wonders if she might care for me in that way too, size difference be damned, but I can’t risk finding out. It can’t come from me. Our situation is just too complicated - what kind of position would I be putting her in? She has no one else to turn to right now. I wouldn’t dare compromise our current relationship. I care about her too much, I don’t want to ruin what we have.
Don’t screw this up. Don’t you fucking dare screw this up, Aiden.
“Never again,” I whisper to myself, “This ends now.” I repeat it into the air again and again and again and again.
This.
Ends.
Now.
~ End of Part 1 ~