@giant-me
This definitely isn’t true for me.
My kinks and my romantic side are mostly separate. The part of me that likes real-life romance and romance fantasies is just a different part of me than the part that is into nonconsent fantasies.
It’s like one’s my libido and one’s my heart.
I have absolutely no idea why I’m into cruel giant scenarios. Maybe it’s some twisted part of my brain where the age-old, amoeba-deep don’t-get-eaten instinct is turned into a get-eaten impulse?
Where my kinks come from don’t HAVE to make sense. I don’t really have faith in Freud at all, he had a lot of dumb ideas about the subconscious that have no basis in science, so the idea that anyone with violent ideas secretly wants to be violent just does NOT ring true to me.
I come more from the cognitive behavioral therapy side of self-care: if it isn’t causing me problems, I don’t care, and where the thoughts come from doesn’t really matter, as long as they aren’t damaging me or others.
I know I’m talking more from the sub side, so I’m speaking from a more morally ‘defensible’ position, but the idea that this isn’t a hidden real desire is as true for doms as it is for subs.
For example, my nonsonsent fantasties in this space often include the main character dying, or being trapped. In real life, I would fight tooth and nail, with every fiber of my being, with inner strength I am not even aware of, to stay alive and to avoid being trapped / imprisoned.
I think that if you’re a dom, you have to let go of the guilt that comes with that. Part of that is by not trying to tie your dom fantasies to real-life justifications - don’t psychonalyze this part of yourself, because it’s unscientific and just a detailed form of self-hatred.
We don’t really know why we’re kinky in this bizarre, fantasy way. As long as you only play with this fantasy with consenting adults who are also into it, it truly doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s not some glimmering id sitting at the base of your brain wishing it could lash out based on previous ego injury. That’s just a lingering fear of yourself.
You’re good. Yes, you’ve experienced rejection, we all have. That isn’t why you have this kink.