Chapter 29
Evie
I look down at my list on a tiny square of paper, written for my size since it’s for my eyes only. I don’t want to lose track of what I’m doing so I’ve mapped out a plan and refer to it often. Feeling reoriented, I go back to the other sheet of paper I’m working on, writing with much larger letters. I’m getting close to done with my project, which is good because my little metal bathroom is getting very crowded with all of the hidden sheets of paper I’ve stuffed inside.
Every once in a while throughout the days, I hear a set of footsteps approaching and retreating from outside the door of the apartment - other tenants who live on this floor. I think the sound outside is just that… until I hear a key that enters the lock. I jolt up to my feet wildly. Aiden’s back way earlier than anticipated.
I’m rolling the paper up as the distant door swings open, then I dash behind the desk lamp with the scroll over my shoulder. I don’t want to be seen crossing the gap to the bathroom, so instead I turn towards my stuffed lion that’s perched on the windowsill. It’s leaning up against the desk just beside me and I don’t have very many options - footsteps are already heading my way. I slide the scroll of paper down so that it’s pinned between the desk and the lion’s chest, hidden out of sight in the fur.
Thankfully my acrylic paints are close by too so I just start walking along the tubes, trying to make it look like I was in the middle of picking out the next color.
“Hey, roomie!” I call out to the approaching giant who’s looking at me with a wide smile. Whew, I think he’s none the wiser. “Is everything okay? Today’s Wednesday, right?”
“Yup. My Geodata professor’s sick so class was canceled at the last minute. I still have work this afternoon, but I figured I’d swing by and have lunch here since I have extra time.”
I may have been anxious to get my secret project done, considering his birthday is the day after tomorrow. But I savor any extra time I can have with him, especially with the knowledge of how busy he’s about to be with finals in the next couple of weeks. He’s always a welcome sight.
Aiden sits and turns his attention to the mini that I’ve thankfully made some progress on since he saw it this morning. He leans forward, lowering his head and resting his elbows on his knees.
“Damn, Eve.” He squints at the elven ranger I’ve got propped onto a DIY work table. The unpainted figurines I ordered are about a third of my height, and all I currently have for paintbrushes are a couple of plastic kids’ brushes, cue tips and kitchen sponges in various sizes that were part of the items that Dr. Little had shrunken down. I think I’ll be able to upgrade and make my own brushes eventually, but this has been working well enough for now.
“Damn good or damn bad?” I ask facetiously as I approach to be level with the mini.
“Seriously, the detail on this is insane. Which makes sense, I guess, but actually seeing it is so cool… And for someone who claims to not be able to draw, you sure can paint!”
“Thank you, I’m glad it’s alright,” I say with relief, “since from my perspective it’s not quite where I want it to be. This is a lot easier than drawing, though, it’s more like coloring an existing drawing.”
“Maybe, but some of these details are all you! Did you give her dimples?”
“Hey, you noticed! I gave her freckles too.”
“Oh shit, you did! I can barely make them out, but there they are. Amazing…”
“Well, I’m glad my puny hands are good for something.”
Aiden sits up again, attention back on me. “They’re good for lots of things!” he exclaims. There’s a slightly awkward pause as I’m not sure how to respond, and finally he laughs and says, “Yeah, I don’t know what I mean by that either.”
Man, I really love that smile of his. The kind where it starts out a little self conscious but grows in confidence when our eyes meet. And with a thought as simple as that, I can feel my heart climbing up into my throat.
Ever since Moira and I had that conversation about him last week, I’ve begun taking notice of more things… They’re rather shallow observations. Like how his shoulders aren’t just nice to sit on, but the shape of them is also nice to admire from afar. I’ve started enjoying the way his jaw tapers up, the way his hair frames his face, the way his lips rest when he’s content. I love how long his fingers are when I go to sit on them, and how there’s a smooth curve where his arm meets his wrist, transitioning into his thumb that feels like a loyal friend at my side. And god, the gorgeous hazel of his eyes still knocks me off-kilter sometimes.
I’ve learned to be very wary of handsome men, but with Aiden it’s different - the way he looks was at the bottom of my priority list for so long. My focus just used to be the scale of him, along with how generous and kind he was. But the simple ways in which I’ve found him alluring have slowly been sneaking up on me in the background. It doesn’t make any sense to me, the fact that I can be so… physically attracted to someone who’s more of a landscape to me than a person, but that’s exactly what’s happening. It’s only recently that I’ve really been made aware. It… might become a bit of a problem.
“I think I’d like to have at least a dozen ready before I officially try to launch anything,” I say, turning to look away from the giant for a second so that I can catch my breath. “The next thing I’ll need to figure out is how to pack them. I have some ideas on that though. Maybe come summer I’ll start making actual money. And soon enough, I’ll finally be able to pay rent!”
I’m half joking, but a quiet sigh from my larger friend tells me the joke didn’t land. Perhaps I’ve made this kind of comment one too many times. He doesn’t quite look annoyed, just a little pained.
“Evie, we’ve been through this. You being here makes no difference in rent. Please stop getting hung up on that, it should be the very last thing you worry about. I’m not going to kick you out.”
“I know, I know.” My voice is a cross between soothing and sad. “I’m just talking longer term. You know that I wish I could contribute more…”
“You contribute plenty. I’ve never had such a clean kitchen counter in my life! And I’ve also never felt so organized with the groceries and cooking. I always end up grabbing junk food during finals, but with all your meal planning I won’t have to.”
He’s humoring me, I know these little favors aren’t actually making that much of a difference. But he makes it sound so convincing. They’re not lies, just an acute ability to find things to compliment. Yet another one of his qualities.
“Speaking of that,” I say, cautiously trying to redirect the conversation, “Did you see the spreadsheet I emailed you?”
The corners of Aiden’s mouth suddenly drop. "Uhhhh… Yeeeah… I totally checked it out…”
I laugh, knowing he’s not nearly as much of a nerd about this stuff as I am. “It’s okay, I only made it last night. It was just to put everything we talked about in one place, and that way you have a grocery list ready to go for tomorrow. It’s already off track, though, I wasn’t expecting you to be here right now… I was planning on you getting takeout for lunch and leftovers for dinner.”
“How about the reverse?” the giant suggests, offering me his hand. “I’ll go get some leftovers now. Want to join me?”
I’ve already stepped on before he finished his sentence, a clear answer that makes him chuckle. The usual vertigo of being lifted up feels more like butterflies in my stomach as I gaze up along his body, not worrying about our destination but instead just… looking at him.
I’m feeling a sense of curiosity as I stare. He could have simply brought his food back to the desk. There’s no reason for me to come along. But he’s always offering to carry me around everywhere. Why is that, I wonder? Is it always just a favor, to give me a change of scenery?
I move my attention to his fingers. They’ve folded inwards for me to hold onto as usual, but I take notice of the way part of his middle finger presses up on one side of my waist while his thumb is braced against the other side. He’s gingerly moving the digits against me, ever so gently rubbing me between them, a gesture that I doubt he’s even conscious of. Maybe that’s why he likes carrying me around, maybe I’m just something to fiddle with as he goes about his business. I’m such a small point of contact to him.
But to me it feels very different. He can easily touch so much of me at once. The pressure, the warmth, the delicate intention of it all… it’s pretty addicting. Intoxicating, even. And as I sit here, so little in the palm of his hand, for the first time I feel a wave of something new. A humbling but not unpleasant awe at being held so softly by someone so incredibly powerful.
I expected Aiden to put me down on the counter, but he keeps me held aloft as he opens up the freezer to pick out his lunch. Some of the cold air drifts down and I shiver as it rolls over me, which he seems to notice. With a casual movement, his fingers curl in further to cover more of me and he holds me up against his chest.
“Does it matter which one I pick for the meal plan?” he asks.
“Nope! If it’s frozen it’s fair game,” I answer, and it’s only when I hear my own masked nervousness that I realize he had a similar tone. Come to think of it, his nearby heart is starting to beat a little faster. But why would he be nervous right now?
To my surprise, he still holds onto me as he goes to put the food in the microwave, despite the fact that it’ll take a while for it to defrost. This is definitely out of the norm, and I’m starting to wonder if something’s wrong. I lean back against his thumb, away from his chest as I try to look up at his face. He notices me out of the corner of his eye and looks down to meet my gaze.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, “Do you need space? I can put you down.”
“No,” I say quickly, then I realize how overeager I sounded and add, “Just, uh… you alright?”
Aiden doesn’t answer at first as he slowly breathes in and out, his eyes looking past me. Then they come back to join mine and finally he says, “I’m just conscious of the fact that I’m about to be so busy. Next week is going to be absolute hell, and the week after will be even worse. I don’t think I’ll really have much time to hang out and I… I guess I’m already sad about it.”
Those butterflies in my stomach are feeling more like hornets now. I suppose I wasn’t the only one who had thought about us having less time for each other soon. I slide back across his hand to push myself up against his chest in a hug, and he closes the distance with his fingertips, resting them against my back. “It’s just two weeks,” I say to try and comfort him, “And I’ll still be right here the whole time to cheer you on.”
“Yeah, I know, I’m being dramatic.”
“Well, you’re the one who has to actually deal with school stress… I don’t mind you being a little clingy."
What am I saying? What are we doing? My mind goes to where it normally does in similar situations. We’re so intertwined into each other’s lives that it’s only natural that we really care about each other. And it makes sense that we would touch more than average roommates, because I’d never leave the desk otherwise. He’s the type of person who likes helping others, so I think he enjoys looking after me, almost like he would a pet. That’s all this is. I mostly convince myself of it, but instead of feeling the usual reassurances from this mental exercise… I feel a little sad. Why am I so out of sorts today?
I look up at how much time is left on the microwave and I speak without thinking, throwing out a stupid idea. “We’ve got ten minutes. Can you go lie down on your stomach on the couch?”
Aiden stiffens. “…What?”
This is so stupid. "Or on the floor. I just want to try something.”
The giant continues to balk, staring down at me still leaned up against his chest. "R-right now?”
“Uh huh. Bring me with.”
With a hesitant “okay…” we’re headed back into the living room. Aiden’s a bit too tall to fully stretch out on the couch, so he opts for the floor instead, cupping me carefully as he kneels down and then lowers all the way onto his front.
From his position propped on his elbows, he looks straight down at me still sitting in his hands, which are currently resting on the floor. “Now what?” he asks, bemused.
I give him a playful smile. “Can you put me on your shoulder?”
Silently he obliges, bringing one hand up to lift me close to his neck. Grabbing onto his shirt, I pull myself higher, climbing further than I normally would until I’m hoisting myself over his shoulder blade now, reaching his upper back. Once the slope of his body is level enough, I get to my feet and start stepping towards his spine with intentionally slow and weighted footsteps.
His dark hair has grown a little bit since I’ve moved in, but the nape of his neck is still plenty exposed. I notice it’s lighting up with goosebumps as I walk on him, as if I’m just causing a slight tickle. Not quite what I was going for…
“Are you gonna fill me in?” Aiden asks, and I can only see the back of his head and not his expression, but he clearly still sounds very confused.
So, so stupid. “I’m not sure this is working how I’d hoped,” I call back. “I was wanting to give you a little massage, to maybe help with the stress. But I think I’m too light.”
There’s a pause. “Oh. I see. I mean, it… it does feel nice…”
I can’t help laughing at how tense he sounds and I start heading back the way I’d come. “Don’t force yourself, I’ll get off of you.”
The massive back quakes and I almost lose my balance from the sudden yet slow descent as Aiden gets all the way down and buries his face into his arms. His words are muffled by his posture, but from where I’m standing I can feel them vibrating up through me. “I’m serious. That feels really good.”
My mouth quickly goes dry. “Oh, well, um… good! Just relax then.” I go back to ambling across his back and cross over the bump of his backbone. “I could even do this while you’re studying! Who says we can’t still hang out?”
The giant’s head tilts down as he further curls in on himself, ears turning red from the awkwardness of the situation. “Thank you," he rumbles, "You’re totally spoiling me.”
He’s wrong. I stabilize myself against his protruding shoulder blade and glance back towards his head, observing the line of his neck and the edge of his jaw. I look the other way, along the length of his back that subtly slopes downward to a slight dip above his tailbone. His body is so vast, stretching out on all sides. I feel his muscles below me, the warmth of his skin through his shirt. I do care about his stress levels, I do want to do something nice for him, but… my little expedition is truly, mostly, very selfish.