Posts made by Olo

@sumguy13 said in Gift of a Tiny Woman:

Author’s comment has me turned off to them though.

He’s outside his comfort zone. Everyone deserves some space to experiment. There was a time I would have echoed his comment.

Aborigen has recently done a couple of quickies about a man vexed by his sudden and unsought custody of a tiny woman. Incomplete at present.

Part One

Part Two

(source needed)

by WildRoxann (aka Porn-Cakes)

@nephilim More like Photoshop.

@kisupure 9th-years. Oh yeah, that makes sense. Should be some snappy jargon to refer to “graduates.”

Regarding Gray and her “hatred” of the Corps, it’s perfectly reasonable for her to resent the Corps as its regulations impinge more and more upon her interest in the sentinel. It’ll be totally subconscious, tho.

@kisupure Keep the spiders where they are, just add a sentence before it, describing how Gray found an arroyo in the dark.

by WildRoxann (aka Porn-Cakes)

@sloppy_amy Fairies are magic.

(source needed)

@kisupure You are really good at increasing the tension while keeping us focused on all the stakes. I also admire that for every mystery you remove (Sentinel’s got a crush!), you add another (why is the fear pheromone inconstant?). I also liked the detail of the local gentry having an embassy with Fox’s commander. So neo-feudal.

Gray lying to save her skin and put Kessler in the soup was cold. She better not wind up in the same foxhole with him later.

A little aerial recon would go a long way in this setting. Did I miss an explanation for its lack?

I’m glad you explained “nalezing.” At first I was afraid the sisters-in-arms were being ordered to stand down.

Couple of cavils:

“Better not be any spiders in here,” she whispered, thinking on the irony of being killed by a brown recluse in the middle of this.

I’m afraid you failed to describe Gray finding a crevice for cover before she was already in it.

As much as [Gray] hated the Corps . . .

When did that happen? It was my impression that Gray thought of the Corps as the last best hope, both for her and for humanity.

Illustration prompt: Sentinel wincing as he’s shielding Gray and taking the shrapnel.

@kisupure Still can’t get over “NO STEP”.

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@soulshrinker Thanks!

Mike and Ines by SWGTSdrawing