@kisupure Keep the spiders where they are, just add a sentence before it, describing how Gray found an arroyo in the dark.

Posts made by Olo
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RE: Petrichor - a novel in "open beta" - [M/f, minigiant, post-apocalyptic dystopia, slavery, military setting]
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RE: Petrichor - a novel in "open beta" - [M/f, minigiant, post-apocalyptic dystopia, slavery, military setting]
@kisupure You are really good at increasing the tension while keeping us focused on all the stakes. I also admire that for every mystery you remove (Sentinel’s got a crush!), you add another (why is the fear pheromone inconstant?). I also liked the detail of the local gentry having an embassy with Fox’s commander. So neo-feudal.
Gray lying to save her skin and put Kessler in the soup was cold. She better not wind up in the same foxhole with him later.
A little aerial recon would go a long way in this setting. Did I miss an explanation for its lack?
I’m glad you explained “nalezing.” At first I was afraid the sisters-in-arms were being ordered to stand down.
Couple of cavils:
“Better not be any spiders in here,” she whispered, thinking on the irony of being killed by a brown recluse in the middle of this.
I’m afraid you failed to describe Gray finding a crevice for cover before she was already in it.
As much as [Gray] hated the Corps . . .
When did that happen? It was my impression that Gray thought of the Corps as the last best hope, both for her and for humanity.
Illustration prompt: Sentinel wincing as he’s shielding Gray and taking the shrapnel.
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RE: Blood, Sweat, and Steel art [M/, mech/ human]
@kisupure Still can’t get over “NO STEP”.
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RE: Oral Sex
I’ve had a presence in the size community for long enough that it’s helpful to keep my avatar consistent across all platforms. If I were starting a profile on this forum from scratch, however, this image would be my avatar.
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RE: Petrichor - a novel in "open beta" - [M/f, minigiant, post-apocalyptic dystopia, slavery, military setting]
@kisupure I love how harsh this world is, and I love that our heroes are still enslaved and all that entails. We know how to feel about military characters, but Gray and her comrades are oppressed by much more than just military discipline. I’m especially intrigued by the question of whether it is better to be enslaved by the Corps or by the Algo. I’m sure a little fraternizing with a 'Nak will be very revealing.
I can really feel the landscape, and all your neologisms are delightful. Pacing is perfect.
This is one of those precious rarities: an excellent story that just happens to have size feels. I think I’m greedy enough to demand an illustration.