Is role playing a form of cheating?
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@SmolChlo True, that’s what it comes down to! I mean heck, polyamorous relationships exist, so any of it could work as long as everyone’s on board.
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@SmolChlo said :
if they have no knowledge of it and they consider themselves to be monogamous with you then yes it’s cheating
I know, and that’s why I tell people having this fetish can be a curse. I never wanted this, never asked for any of this.
@The-Big-G said :
I’ve run into or chatted with that are uncomfortable with even broaching the subject of this kink or any other with there partners.
You must know that some people don’t have the same wholesome experience. Again, this doesn’t get posted online often, we don’t usually like to post our Ls online (a bit like this very thread, hehe). I could tell you about some cases where things have gone extremely wrong - this girl getting her private sizey RP DMs sent to everyone at her school, this married guy getting doxxed about his microphilia to his boss, co-workers and wife (which didn’t know about this kink). Or a guy revealing his fetish to his girlfriend only for her to be disgusted, ending their relationship and then them getting blocked or ridiculed in his social circle when she told friends and family.
@The-Big-G said :
I think that is the point I’m trying to make I feel cheating is the point when you romanticly desire someone else more than your partner
That’s interesting, that would definitely be crossing the line for me, but I wonder if that could really happen with simple RPing online? I mean, how can you develop something that strong remotely.
@Deedee said :
Everyone has a thousand reasons for not telling their partner when they’re doing something close to the line.
Hmm I believe there are genuine reasons for wanting to keep things on the hush. I also know that some people are just built differently, they don’t feel that shame at all. Some also lack the empathy to think beyond their ableist views.
@littlest-lily said :
Just for the record, I was posing the questions without any intent of passing judgement
Haha, don’t worry it’s okay; I know my sins and the price I pay for them. I did start the thread, didn’t I?
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@foreverlurk a fetish isn’t a crutch or something to blame for poor decision making. Taking accountability is one thing but throwing in excuses right after just muddies the water. Respect your partner and the relationship. There’s no grey area when it comes to respect… either you have it for the person you’re with or your urges are more important
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@SmolChlo If you’re not interested in my explanations to understand why things were the way they were, that’s fine - but don’t mistake that for excuses or seeking a way out. Understanding and explaining doesn’t mean you endorse those behaviours.
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@foreverlurk said in Is role playing a form of cheating?:
Hmm I believe there are genuine reasons for wanting to keep things on the hush. I also know that some people are just built differently, they don’t feel that shame at all. Some also lack the empathy to think beyond their ableist views.
A little empathy for the victim of cheating would be nice to. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship, if you can’t keep clear boundaries you shouldn’t be in one. A fetish isn’t a disability. A fetish isn’t an excuse. No one in my life knows I like this and I intend to keep it this way. I’ve never told anyone I dated about it. My family thinks I have an unreasonable hatred for Rick Moranis because he was annoying in spaceballs.
Nothing you have said here excuses anyone going behind a person’s back. A reasonable person would talk to their partner about viewing porn. They said it’s okay? Great you can look at size porn without it being cheating.
If one NEEDS roleplay, that’s weird. But sure, ask your partner if you can engage in sexually charged RP with people online. No need to mention any particular kink. I’ve been on enough discords to know any tiny you find is probably a guy anyway.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling shame, but a person should feel much more shame in engaging in anything like this behind their partner’s back than they should in a kink. Enjoying this is fine. Everything beyond that is a choice that’s made.
Why are you reading this and not messaging me?
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@Deedee Oh I’ve been on the receiving end of cheating too, don’t worry. And not pretend online cheating, but real, actual in-person cheating. I guess it doesn’t make a difference and I deserved it (or rather, we “deserved each other”).
The disability is not the fetish if you read what I wrote it’s obvious I was talking about proper, normal communication with other humans. But even trying to correct that will probably make it look like I’m finding “excuses”, being weird or whatever.
Look, I’m not trying to win an argument since anyway I agree with most of what you wrote. For instance, I probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. So let’s keep it at that.
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Reading every one’s else’s comments I’m understanding I’m in a minority for a change and honestly I’m fucken fascinated by this turn of events. Don’t get me wrong I feel for everyone who has to keep this shit buttoned down well I say that but at best I can do a good impression of empathy. But I lack the social,career,moral,religious and or personal backgrounds to truely walk a mile in any of your shoes I’m just lucky to have never had to experience a break up or a rejection from anyone or anything because I simply have never been able to care for or be cared for enough in real life to have that scaring. Online I’ve been both predatory and prey I’ve cyber stalked,cyber bullied and in one case cyber raped as much as some can abuse such things in a role playing situation flip side I’ve been labeled a pedo, had the police contact me about fraud threaten with legal action and a list of other things has it damaged my career potential who knows possibly I’ve applied for many jobs that I never got so who knows. I could be blacklisted somewhere forever doomed to work low income jobs and never climb out of the poverty line I sit on then again I lack ambition so that has never really worried me. In closing I just like to thank all of you here who post what they feel comfortable with sharing and the like and not sharing you all give me pause and help me look at my own character and judgement and I feel I’m better for all of you in my life.
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For my personal situation and relationship, yes.
For anyone else, ask your partner if they are cool with it.
While I personally do not associate sexuality with emotional connection, my soon-to-be spouse does, and I respect that, so I don’t do sexy RPs.
You just have to be open with your other half about whether they are okay with it or not, or if they have ground rules for being okay with it. Ya’ll gotta communicate!
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If you’re in a relationship and you’re partner is unaware then yes it is. In any relationship I’ve been in I’m up front with them about my fetish…I am not ashamed of it at all.
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I don’t think that ethically, it’s cheating.
In a practical sense though, I feel like it could be corrosive to the relationship, if you’re not careful about it. This is one of the many reasons I don’t roleplay. If there is time I could be spending with my monogamous husband, I’d rather be spending it with him than in a RP session with someone. RP can be a huge time suck compared to other ways of engaging like forums, browsing SizeTwitter, stories, and even Discord.
If there was something keeping my husband and I apart, like if we worked opposite hours or lived far away from each other. The practical problems of the time suck would go away, and RP might cause way fewer problems for a monogamous relationship.
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This isn’t related to roleplaying or size stuff specifically, but I would disagree with the idea that cheating is the point when you romantically desire someone else more than your partner. The thing about desire is that it’s not really something we can consciously control. I think it’s very unrealistic to expect that you will never see or encounter anyone who seems more desirable to you than your partner in some way, especially considering that there are eight billion people on this planet. What are the odds that the person you chose to build a relationship with is going to always and indefinitely be the most desirable person in the world to you? Very, very low. Plus people change, and relationships change over time, so you can’t expect desire to remain absolutely constant. That’s why long-term relationships are based on commitment and not on desire alone. That’s why it used to be so hard to get a divorce: it was meant to deter married people from abandoning their commitments just because they were having a bad day or a bad year, or because they saw a hot person in a bar and became infatuated.
I think there’s a world of difference between desire and action. I might hate my boss, and I might desperately want to wring his neck, but does that make me a murderer or a violent person? No. I’m not guilty of violence unless I act upon my desires, or unless I start making a plan to hurt my boss and I intend to follow through on that plan. When desire turns into action or serious intention, that’s when the line has been crossed. It’s the same way with cheating or with other “crimes.” Desire alone does not equal guilt.
Desire is involuntary, but action is voluntary. Action is something you can control, but desire is generally outside of your control…that’s the key difference. Why am I harping on this? Partly because I don’t want anyone to beat themselves up for something they can’t control. I don’t want anyone to beat themselves up for having perfectly natural and understandable desires that every human has. But the other reason is that I don’t want to see anyone use desire as an excuse. If you believe that having certain desires automatically makes you guilty, then it’s easier to rationalize certain behaviors to yourself. You might think, “I’m already guilty of cheating, because I desire someone else more than my partner…therefore I might as well do what my desires tell me to do, since I’m guilty either way!”
