Chapter 25
Evie
I wince and groan as I twist in on myself. My eyelids are sealed shut and my head is swimming. This feels familiar. Like I’m back at the bottom of the ocean… Back when powerful drugs were pumping into my system, immobilizing every muscle…
Hovering above me is a face, demonic and sinister. I can smell latex as a blue hand approaches me, a single finger pinning me down with ease and with pleasure. I can’t move. I can’t even scream. There’s nothing I can do about the titan’s touch sliding along my body… slipping between my legs… his eyes alight with flames in the darkness…
“Mmmmrrughh,” I utter miserably, and as I hear the sound break the air it’s enough to shatter the seal on my eyelids and they suddenly flutter open. There really is a massive finger on me, but the face that’s hovering above is far less threatening.
“Hey…” Aiden says softly, his hand retreating once he sees that my eyes are open. “Nightmare?”
I’m still waking up and don’t answer him right away. My breath is coming in shallow, I feel nauseous, and I’m really confused. On a typical day, even if I happen to still be sleeping when my giant friend gets up in the morning, at his size no amount of sneaking around is going to keep him from waking me up. The distant footsteps alone are usually enough to rouse me, much less any shuffling while getting ready. He’s never been able to walk right up to the desk without me noticing before. It’s very disorienting.
“Yeah,” I finally respond, and I push myself up to sitting. “Yeah, that sucked.”
My voice is a little hoarse and Aiden takes notice. “I’ll go get you water?”
I thank him and have a few moments to myself as he makes a quick trip to the kitchen. I rub at my eyes and slap at my cheeks. It’s been a minute since I’ve had to deal with some of those memories. I feel resentment towards my own brain. Why torture me with images of the past?
The fresh water helps, and thankfully the nausea begins to ebb after a few sips. I’m still very uneasy, though, feeling shadows clinging to me like haunting ghosts. Instead of sitting at the chair the way he normally does, Aiden’s on his knees next to the desk so that he can keep his head level with me, clearly worrying over the state of his little roommate. Normally I’d be reassuring him that nothing’s wrong, but I don’t quite have it in me right now.
“I was dreaming about that day,” I quietly lament, staring into the dish of water from my seated position on the desk. “Some of it’s a bit of a blur. But some of it’s still so vivid in my mind.”
“Like it just happened…” Aiden murmurs, and I look up at him. He’s got an empathetically pained look on his face. If anyone’s going to understand what I’m feeling right now it’s him.
I reach an arm out to him, and for a moment he looks hesitant at the lack of clear direction but silently takes a stab at it anyway, and as usual we’re in sync. He places his hand palm up next to me and I slide my arms around his pinkie like it’s an oversized teddy bear, leaning my chin on the tip of the finger. I hold him snug against my chest and we both stare off into space as we silently reminisce on that awful event.
"I know I don’t really talk about it,” he finally says, gaze still unfocused, “but I honestly haven’t gotten over the fact that I took someone’s life that day.”
My chest tightens. That sentence feels too close for comfort. I squeeze him harder against me. “It was an accident,” I counter.
The shake of his head would be hardly perceptible if his face wasn’t two stories tall. “That doesn’t change the reality of it.”
Aiden hadn’t told me right away, but I did eventually find out about the horrible things Dr. Little had done to those other women. The things that could very well have happened to me. I feel a surge of energy just then, fierce and protective. I’m suddenly on my feet.
“He was a monster, Aiden,” I insist, firmly. “As far as I see it, you didn’t take a life that day. You saved one.”
His face isn’t usually this close - I don’t have to tilt my head back at all to meet his gaze right now. His eyes zero in on me, pupils dilating, and for a moment I’m overtaken by the beauty of them, the sunburst of light brown over the crystalline green of his irises. And I marvel at the size of them, humbled by the way they’re entirely focused on something as small and insignificant as me.
He looks a bit taken aback by my outburst, but then the corner of his mouth pulls up into a crooked smile. I’m still holding onto his pinkie and he slips it up a little higher, carefully touching my jaw.
“Thanks, Eve,” he mutters, coining a nickname on the spot. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to turn the spotlight onto me. Just know you’re not alone. We might have a long journey ahead to get over this shit, but I’ll be there to support you every step of the way.”
Trying not to cry, I give his finger one last squeeze before releasing it. My previous burst of energy has actually lifted my mood somewhat, and the bite of the nightmare’s teeth loosens its grip on me. At least enough to pretend I’m totally fine now, and so I manage a warm smile. “Thank you, I’m feeling way better.”
“Okay, good,” Aiden says, pulling back so that he can slowly rise to his feet. “Because I doubt you’ve seen the texts yet, but you’re scheduled for a Moira visit this morning.”
“Really?” I feel a jolt of nerves and excitement.
“Yup. I got a copy made of the key to the apartment, so that she can come over and see you when I’m not around. She’s coming to pick it up this morning and asked if she could hang out for a bit before she goes to work. I hope it’s okay that I said yes?”
“Yes! And wow, uh, I didn’t realize you had done that with the key… you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s all good. Mo’s one of my best friends, I don’t mind. Okay, I do want to have time to make breakfast before class so I’ll go get ready now.”
I aim all of my gratitude at his receding back. He’s such a kind person. He’s done so much for me from day one. And even now he’s still trying so hard to make sure I’m happy… God, I don’t deserve him.
We both wash up and get dressed in our own corners of the apartment, and then Aiden brings me to the kitchen with him so that I can help cut up some chives while he makes eggs. Actually, cutting isn’t quite the right word - I use a sharpened toothpick to stab a hole in the thick green herb and then use my hands to tear off the pieces from there. I won’t even get through a single stalk, and it’s more of a garnish than a true ingredient, but it still helps me feel like I’m earning my keep.
We’re almost done cooking when there’s a knock at the door, and I’m so unaccustomed to the sound that I jump about a foot in the air. Aiden claps a hand to his mouth to keep from openly laughing at my reaction, until I make it okay by cracking up myself, the both of us still giggling as he goes to answer the door.
“Heyyy,” Moira sings as she steps inside. Her hair isn’t braided this time but she still has an adorable green ribbon in it, the loose curls half tied back. She gives the taller giant a quick side hug as she adds, “It smells really good in here.”
“Hope you came hungry, 'cause I made way too much for the two of us,” Aiden responds as he closes the door.
“Sure, I could eat.”
She glances into the kitchen, and when I give her a little wave I manage to catch her attention. She looks surprised at seeing me there before catching herself, smiling and waving back. “Hi, Evie. I didn’t realize just how involved you were with the cooking.”
“I’m not that involved,” I say, my hands fidgeting self-consciously with my toothpick tool. It’s been a few days since she and I met, and we’ve been texting back and forth ever since, but I still feel a bit shy now that she’s here in person again.
“Nonsense,” Aiden tells me as he walks back up to the stove, “Those chives are going to make all the difference.”
He reaches for the herbs, a silent question mark hanging in the air as he touches the edge of the dish. I answer with a nod, pushing the bowl towards him to confirm that I’m done with them.
“I’m going to plate this up and then I’ve gotta run. Moira, you want to try bringing Evie over to that desk?”
“Um, okay,” she responds, and I see a hint of nerves creep into her expression. She steps up to the counter and this time she opts to bring both hands down to me, already cupping them in preparation. “If that’s okay with you.”
“Totally,” I say, hopping up onto her fingers and sitting down in the middle of her offering. “It’ll be a good exercise. You’ve got this!”
She’s a bit less hesitant than the first time she picked me up, though still very slow and stiff compared to the hands that I’m used to. She also doesn’t wrap her fingers around my body the way Aiden usually does, so I’m actually glad she’s being extra careful since I don’t have any clear handholds.
By the time Moira makes it across the room with me, the other giant is on her heels, a burrito wrapped in foil in one hand and one on a plate in the other. My miniature dish sits on the edge of the plate, the portion looking more like an open-faced quesadilla since I’m guessing it’s not quite possible to wrap such a small amount of egg in a burrito.
“You ladies enjoy,” Aiden says brightly, “I’ll see you after school, Evie.”
“Wait, don’t forget!” I shout up at him, pointing to our mailbox, where an origami panda sits expectantly. He snatches it up with a grin and then turns to head out.
“Key’s on the counter, Moira,” he calls back before disappearing out the door.
I fidget anxiously as I take in the fact that this is the first time I’m with anyone else without Aiden here as my anchor. I’m probably not the only one who’s nervous as neither one of us touches the food right away. But then Moira turns to me with a casual enough smile, one eyebrow arching with curiosity.
“What did you just give him?” she asks, nodding towards the now empty paper box.
“Oh,” I say, feeling embarrassed, “We write notes back and forth, like penpals. When I have extra time I’ve been folding them up into origami just for fun. I know, it’s silly since we already see each other every day…”
Moira giggles, “Aww, that’s a fun idea. You two are so cute.”
I feel the air leaving my lungs unexpectedly. Yeah, I guess it is kinda… cute…
I shift forward restlessly, picking up my tiny plate off of the giant one, and I bring it to my own miniature table to give my friend some room.
“So what’s your work schedule like?” I ask, tearing off a piece of tortilla.
She seems to remember her own burrito and picks it up. “Weeell, sometimes I go in during the day, like today, to do prep stuff. But evenings are when most of the classes are. Convenient, right? I actually look forward to having a friend who’s not so busy during the day!”
We chat while we eat, just a simple discussion about the details of her job, but we’re quickly falling back into an ease and a rhythm. Once we’re done with breakfast, Moira gets a kick out of the mini fridge when I go yank on the string of the door so I can put my leftovers away. She’s curious about some of the rest of the setup that I have on the desk, and I end up giving her a little tour of my living space, from the hot plate that heats up my bath to the first aid kit with bandages pre-cut for any emergencies.
“So many things I wouldn’t have even thought of…” she muses, leaning in to get a closer look at the carved splinters I use for sewing needles.
“It… took some adjusting…” I say awkwardly.
Even though we’d quickly stopped pretending there wasn’t something different about me, we still haven’t quite acknowledged just how screwed up my situation is. I think Moira’s been trying to give me space. But in this moment it’s like she’s tentatively reaching out to me.
“Aiden told me what happened,” she murmurs, “but if you ever need to talk through something, I’m happy to listen, okay?”
I almost can’t deal with just how nice everyone’s being to me today. I hate the idea of burdening Moira with my sob story. We’ve only just started bonding, I’m already worried that she’s only even hanging out with me just because Aiden asked her to or because she feels bad for me. I want to build a good impression of myself, not have a pity party.
But the nightmare from this morning nips at my heels, not letting me forget the loose grip it still has on my mind. Before I can even register what I’m doing, the words fall out of my mouth.
“It was for school,” I mutter, and seeing Moira lean in to hear me leads to my voice gaining strength. “It was just a stupid thing I’d signed up for… for class…”
I don’t know if it’s because she’s more removed from the situation, or maybe it’s the fact that she’s a girl, but there’s something about her presence that unlocks a new door in me. Words begin pouring out, and I don’t think I’d be able to contain them if I tried. I tell her everything, from the moment I entered that godforsaken lab, to the experience of my size getting ripped away from me, to the terror I felt at Dr. Little’s mercy, to the death and the fire and the running and the thinking that there was no way I would be surviving the day.
At no point am I interrupted, and I’m reciting everything as if from far away, gazing out towards the edge of the desk with unfocused eyes. It’s both cathartic to let it all out but also doesn’t feel real, as if I’d lived it through someone else’s body. I talk until I’m drained of all thought. Then I finally look up at Moira and startle at the sight of her big green eyes shining and her face covered in tears.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, fighting back sobs, “I’m just so sorry this happened to you, Evie…”
She’s got one hand up in a fist pressed against her mouth, but the other one is still lying on the desk. I walk straight to it, kneeling beside her and laying my hand on hers. I’m taken aback and so deeply touched by how this girl I hardly know is actually crying for me. And now it’s not words that are flowing out of me but tears of my own, as if summoned by Moira’s empathy.
“B-but then Aiden took me home,” I say, trying to finish the story with a smile despite my crying, “He brought me here. He’s been taking such good care of me, the both of you have been so kind. I’ll be okay.”
“Yes…” Moira says shakily, wiping tears away as she tries to smile too. She lays her thumb on my grip, gently holding my hand. “You will be okay.”
I laugh, overcome with a strange giddiness as I try to get a hold of myself. “This probably wasn’t the chill girl bonding time you were hoping for."
“It’s fine, I’m the one who started it with the waterworks,” she says, finding the tissue box on the desk to finish wiping off her face, first tearing off a corner for me. “Th-thank you for sharing that with me.”
“Thank you. That… really helped,” I answer. This emotional catharsis of telling someone about my struggles and receiving support in return is virtually unprecedented for me, at least not in a very long time. I’m shocked by its effect. I feel the dream from this morning finally releasing its grip on me after Aiden and Moira’s one-two punch, unleashing me from its jaws and slinking back into the darkness.
Heck, I would take a pocket with a zipper over most of these, for comfort reasons. The matchbox one is cute though, just as a lil bed~ Otherwise I think I’d pick one that’s transparent to not be in pitch blackness… More specifically the tic tac container for the extra teeny size. Just the idea of the giant tapping his fingernail against the wall and I fall over… 🫠