Broken
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Soooo iv’e had this story idea for ages and actually started writing it a couple weeks ago however i’m not really a writer and this is the first thing iv’e ever publicly put out into the wild and i convinced myself it wouldn’t really see the light of day, but iv’e decided screw it i will at least post the intro and see what people think. Not much size play going on yet and it’s mostly an introduction. The story will have alot of darker tones so if your not into that kinda thing it might not be for you. Any feedback at all would be appreciated as i really have no idea if this is even good or not
BrokenDate: unknown
Location: the shoebox
Height: 1 inchBefore I even manage to get my eyes open I can’t help but let out a whimper that is heard by no one. My entire body feels sore…exhausted…weak. I don’t even remember when or how I passed out this time. I have no way of knowing if it’s morning or night…It all looks the same inside this cardboard hell. I honestly just want to keep lying indefinitely and wither away but even that is a luxury denied to me anymore. My limbs feel sore and weak as I try and pull them from the floss wrapped around me. It binds my hands together behind my back and keeps my legs wrapped together making walking impossible. Even my whines and whimper hurts my dry and burning throat. The screaming and thrashing from the night before fully taking its toll on me even now.
I open my eyes and slowly begin to take in my surroundings though I’m fairly familiar with them now. This shoebox has been my home for….God how long? Time started becoming a blur to me a long long time ago….a week maybe? My last home prior to being relocated to a fucking shoebox is still fresh on my mind. How much I miss the view of looking out at his bedroom through the cage bars, how I had a comfy little sponge bed to sleep on instead of a cardboard floor. I hated that home for so long but now that it’s gone I’d give anything to have it back, of course i have absolutely nothing to give anymore which is probably why im in this box now.
The box has a bit of light thanks to some white christmas lights along the ceiling being fed through some holes near the top. The high walls are covered in photographs all massive and bigger then what i remember movie screens at a theater had been, tho all of that and even some of the contents of these photos feels like several lifetimes ago. I raise my back up off the ground while wiggling my hands and wrist hoping for a break. That maybe he tied the floss to loose again. But it’s no use as it doesn’t even budge and feels so tight against skin that even at full strength i wouldn’t stand a chance against the little makeshift bondage“Bastard!!” I scream at someone who can’t hear me, I scream at the one who did this to me, to the one who right now is out living a normal carefree life while I’m trapped here. Mind filling up with theories of how he is out having a nice dinner or at the bar with friends as I break down and tears flow down my cheeks. I look straight ahead at one of the photographs as it towers over me. Craning my neck to get the full view of an innocent looking photo. A man dressed in a plain white dress shirt and black tie that’s a bit loose. Short black hair with a quiff haircut and wide smile as he holds the phone. Looking at him gives me so much mixed overwhelming emotions and although I would rather not focus on him…the person standing next to him makes me feel even worse. A much shorter figure coming up to about the man’s shoulder, a woman with shoulder length straight brown hair. Large round glasses covering up much of the petite face while a light brown scarf covers her neck. In contrast to the man, her eyes are looking to the side away from the camera with an annoyed look on them that does little to hide the subtle smile on her face.
I can’t stand to look at her. It’s too frustrating, painfull, and has too many memories flooding my mind at once. Memories from a different life I’ve almost long forgotten. Her name was Kimberly and although it would be hard to recognize it for anyone else, I know the painful fact that the happy women in this photo used to be me, and this photo was taken the day I met the one person who would take everything from me. It was the day I met Aaron……
Date: January 31st 2014
Location: Seattle Washington
Height 5ft 4 inches“OUTSIDE!!! TO SMOKE!!!” I Yell over at my friend Cynthia. The obnoxious Electronic dance music completely drowning out my voice and despite being only a couple feet away she gives me a look of puzzled confusion and points to her ear with her head turned to face me after I briefly got her attention away from her boyfriend Ethan, i make a smoking gester with my fingers and she nods before turning back to face him while i roll my eyes and began walking through the crowd. Feeling anxious as I stick out like a sore thumb in an environment like this…pushing past and squeezing threw gaps to reach the door on the other side of the room before pushing it open and feeling the cool winter air on my face.
I walk over to a guardrail overlooking the cityscape and feel thankful that there aren’t many other people out for a smoke break right now. A group of 3 college students and a lone woman on her phone seem to be my only company. Reaching into my purse and feeling around until I pull out a pack of cigarettes . Taking one of the 3 left from the pack before putting it to my lips. Using my hands to search for the lighter that is usually on top with my cigarettes but right now it’s nowhere to be found. “Ughh fuck” i mutter softly under my breath feeling the nights growing frustration almost hit a breaking point. I didn’t even want to come to this place. These kinda scenes do not suit me at all but I was dragged out by Cynthia and her new boyfriend to be the Designated driver…and I owed her a favor anyways and had nothing better to do tonight.
With a sigh I contemplate if I should ask someone for a lighter or just tough it out but given how my mood is right now i don’t think skipping one is such a good idea. I turn around with intentions to ask one of the 3 students if they have one but stop after a half step. Someone who wasn’t here a moment ago catches my eye…and i must of caught his cause he is walking straight at me holding a familiar pink lighter in his fingertips
“I believe this is yours?” he says to me with a half grin, standing up straight before outstretching his hand and offering the lighter back. “I saw you drop it when you opened the door back there” I stare for a moment like a deer in headlights and get a whiff of his cologne. A moment of tense awkward silence before he speaks again as I stare a bit confused. “I’m sorry am I mistaken?? If it’s not yours then”
“Oh no NO sorry it is mine!” I quickly blurt as I grab it from him quickly and frantically trying to compose myself after being caught a bit off guard. “Thank you so much!” I say as he looks a bit confused since the enthusiasm in my voice maybe doesn’t match with the situation but regardless he smiles and to my surprise walks forward leaning into the guardrail next to me. Not wanting to stand here looking like a flustered idiot more than i already am i bring the lighter up and light my cigarette
“Nasty little habit tho, and if you don’t mind me saying it doesn’t seem to suit you. Tho i suppose i could say that for this entire place in general. I’ve never seen you here before… Names Aaron”
While i’m not sure what I expected him to say, an immediate lecture on what should or should not suit me wasn’t what i expected from a stranger i just met nor was it something i would want. “Umm…do you always lecter people you just met? It’s not like i want to smoke all the time and it’s not like i haven’t tried quitting i…” i cut myself off and wonder why im even bothering defending myself to someone i just met
“Oh your right, sorry about that, wasn’t trying to lecture just…an observation i gotta remember im not at work sometimes” his demeanor changes a bit as he gives an awkward laugh. Suddenly seeming a bit different then the person who just gave me my lighter with an overly confident swagger. It’s a bit cute tho maybe he is just an awkward dork deep down
I take a drag and play along carrying a conversation feeling a bit more relaxed as the nicotine gets in my system. “You lecture at work? Are you a teacher or something?”
“No Not exactly” he replies as his gaze looks at the skyline and a strenuous returns to his expression
“Yea you didn’t seem like the teaching type, doubt it would “suit” you” i jeered back with a grin as he turns back to me and smirks
“Ever hear of hypnotherapy? It’s interesting and powerful stuff. Spend my life perfecting it even” He speaks with complete seriousness and confidence not a hint of sarcasm.
I can’t help but laugh a bit, of all the things I might have guessed a hypnotist or…hypnotherapist or whatever is the furthest thing from my mind but he just stares with a mostly blank but slightly annoyed expression.
“Oh sorry SORRY just wasn’t expecting that….umm how about we are even for your little comment earlier…you were rude and now i was rude…See we are even!”
“Do you always mock people you just met?” he replies coldly but with a smile that betrays his tone of voice.
“oh Har HAR” I say as I roll my eyes and put out my cigarette before disposing of it in a nearby dispenser. “Still I don’t see how being a hypnotist relates to lecturing”
“Sure it does, hypnosis is simply lecturing the subconscious in a way…to awaken the mind to help people realize what they want. That’s the wonderful thing about it. It can only be used to give someone what they truly want, for instance let’s say someone truly wanted to quit smoking but just couldn’t make it happen…with the right suggestion you can make the idea of nicotine in your system more repulsive than a root canal gone wrong” he finishes his long rant and turns to face me…Raised eyebrows making him look like nothing more than a sharp dressed dork trying to hard to be cool.
“That all seems like a bit of a stretch dude……what, you just wave your hands and I never crave a cig again? If it was that easy no one would still be smoking, I’m not buying it at all. Sorry but at least try and make your weird captivating story more Believable.” I speak with a slight smirk of confidence as I put the nearly empty pack back in my purse
he puts up no defense to my accusation, he just smiles “you know I never did catch your name?”
“Kimberly” I smile back. As strange of an encounter this has been it has put me in a better mood.
He takes a step in front of me and I feel my body tense up for a brief moment he blocks my path forward. “Umm….What the fuck are you doing?” I say a bit taken back by the bizarre behavior
“Kimberly….you don’t need to smoke…you already know this. You hate the very thought…It makes you sick…revolted…and you will never want to do it…again” he finishes leaving me with a dumbfounded look as I burst into laughter for a moment
“Dude what the hell, your sooo weird even I know it takes more than waving your hands in a loud poorly lit area…Aren’t I supposed to go into a trance or somethi…” I stop mid sentence as he pulls out his phone lifting it in the air for a picture with both of us in frame
“Are you serious right now?” I roll my eyes and try and look away while suppressing a laugh. The camera flashes as the photo is taken and he shows the picture briefly before putting his phone back in his pocket.
“Just something to chronicle our chance encounter tonight…here take this” he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a business card and hands it to me before turning and walking away with a wave. “It was nice meeting you Kim, enjoy your evening”
for a moment I just stare at him as he walks away, it’s only when he goes back inside that I look down at the card in my hand…
Aaron Alexander
Hypnotherapist, Photographer, Street Magician“…What a freaking weirdo” I mutter under my breath
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Not a bad start. I’m interested in seeing where this story goes!
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More please
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That was great !!!
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This grabbed my attention from the start. We got a lot of good detail about Kimberly’s captivity, and I always appreciate tinies dwelling on their distress and inconveniences. More importantly, you’ve established Kimberly’s voice, which is crucial for us to care about what happens to her.
Another revealing aspect is how your dialogue is only half the conversation; the eye directions, facial expressions, and body language are at least as important as what is said. Being introduced to Kimberly in the box adds an important dimension to her reactions in the club. It’s a common device, but you use it well.
Aaron seems a right bastard, so it will be dismaying to see Kimberly fall into his clutches. More rewarding will being see her go through the contortions to accommodate her new reality.
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I love this already. More more more!
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@olo Thank you so much for the detailed feedback! I’m glad people are enjoying it. I had alot fun writing it, especially the back and forth banter between the two
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@littlenichole love it!!
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@littlenichole This story looks so promising and related to my taste, please keep writing it, you’re one of the talented.
