Depression and Size Kink
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I hesitate to post this, as I don’t want to wallow in self-pity but I need to get this off my chest. Due to some… life circumstances, I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately. I was wondering if I’m alone in thinking that sometimes, having this kink can cause a certain natural inclination towards melancholia, or like a deep nostalgic longing for something impossible to be true, and for someone to love in that unreachable reality.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things I enjoy about this fetish, and I wouldn’t want to be rid of it. Like it both hurts and comforts me, causes me guilt and happiness, brings me anxiety and peace. It’s just difficult to explain exactly how it makes me feel lonelier than it should be possible. For me, SW has always been such a strong desire, even beyond the sexual aspect. Faced with the impossibility of ever having a tiny lady of my own - as utterly ridiculous as I know this statement to be - it’s bringing me way down. It’s not that I would want all of this to be real all the time, but not sharing that silly dream with anyone I loved made it doubly non-existent. There’s this huge part of me that no-one has ever seen.
In my life I’ve spent so much time in my mind, imagining things that cannot be, and never sharing this secret garden with anyone, even with those very close to me. Again it’s both a blessing and a curse, and to some extent I’d much rather live in my fantasies than in reality. Having a rich inner world and keeping some of my childhood wonder alive did protect me from the heavy cynicism that usually comes with age. I’m just not built to face some rougher aspects of this reality head-on, and withstand years and years of having my dreams crushed.
All this rambling to say I’ve started therapy, and I’m thinking of mentionning my kink to my therapist. I’m still unsure if it’s a good idea. I don’t think my fetish was born from trauma or negative emotions, but the way I’ve lived with this inside me for all those years brought only troubles in my past relationships, and caused me to retreat and flee further into the depths of my mind. Yet, there are people, real people who need me and depend on me in reality, and I don’t feel like I’m here and there enough for them. It’s just been so rough.
“Do you know that place between asleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you.”
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I’m sorry you’re having a rough time but I think it’s awesome that you’re starting therapy. I started going a few months ago myself and it has been incredibly helpful especially in learning how to deal and cope with deeper feelings like the ones that you’re describing. For me, I’ve always known there was a direct correlation between my childhood and this fantasy (turned fetish). From shrinking down so that I can hide under my bed more easily and escape scary people to the reason every angry Giantess reminds me of my mother lol…
However I’m very aware that it’s different for everyone which is why I encourage you (as long as your comfortable) to share your size kink with your therapist. I honestly don’t think it would hurt and you might be surprised at what you learn about yourself. Discussing my size kink in therapy has helped me understand and appreciate it more. Dare I say it’s even given me a little bit of a creative flow to explore but I do understand what you mean about the melancholia of it. I get sad too that I’d rather be hanging out inside my tiny world of make believe vs reality. Reality bites. But when you question why we are preferring living in our imaginations vs living life that’s when you’ll really learn a lot about yourself and can start to feel better -
Am I depressed am I’m stressed am I angry that everyone I can connect with about this fetish generally ether live on the other side of the planet or country yes. Have I been to therapy yes did I chat about my size kink no but I would have gotten there it was more about my feelings of being unloveable and the whole sociopath thing. Dose a day go by that I wouldn’t give up everything to spend five minutes with a tiny woman even if we just chatted as I admired her not a Damm one. Just wanted to let everyone reading this topic that even if you don’t post know that your feelings and thoughts don’t decide if your a decent person it’s your actions plus know you don’t ever struggle alone you may not ever see us or hear us but we are there to support you. I know at best I’m simply words upon a screen or a avatar but know if you are struggling I am there probably anoying the fuck out of you or making extremely dark jokes at your or others expense. So if your all alone and sitting in your dark little world thinking no one can understand what your feeling or thinking and you can’t see a way out know that I’m more than likely sneaking up behind you and am about to scare the fuck out of you for shits and giggles.
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@foreverlurk therapy is a good thing I have had many issues my whole life I’ve been in therapy for 20 years. I don’t think my fetish leads to depression but I do think that it’s a stress reliever for me and gives me an escape.
My DMs are open.
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@SmolChlo Thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, I think you’re right - if I want to understand myself, I can’t be serious about this and not bring up the fetish. I’ve always thought there was no real explanation to its origins. I’m not so sure anymore. Perhaps I’m just afraid of what I’ll find.
I can’t explain why it amplifies my feelings of solitude and melancholia. Paradoxically, indulging in sizey stories, comics, or videos is also the biggest dopamine (and sexual) rush I can experience. “What nourishes me, destroys me.”
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@The-Big-G said in Depression and Size Kink:
Dose a day go by that I wouldn’t give up everything to spend five minutes with a tiny woman even if we just chatted as I admired her
“Chatting as I admired her”
yes, this, exactly this. I think I used these same words a few times. Is it too much to ask? 
And thanks, it’s always nice to know I’m not alone.
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@Giganto82 Oh I should have started therapy much earlier in my life. In fact I had talked to my parents when I was quite young but… my feelings weren’t validated, to the contrary.
My fetish is not the root cause of my depression, but I think it amplifies some feelings that gravitate around it? And it’s a common link between some of my failed relationships? I can’t explain it better than that - I’m still trying to figure this part out.
It’s still the best stress and anxiety relief for sure.
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I can tell you right off the bat that therapy works.
I used to have a serious self-loathing problem related to my fetishes. I mean, the idea of getting off to torture, rape, humiliation, digestion, dehumanizing others, it clashed so heavily with my usual moral self that it really fucked me up mentally.
I was in a better place for a good chunk of time because I was able to talk to someone and get the help I needed. I’m actually going to get back into therapy for unrelated but equally serious reasons.
Trust me; you’re making the right choice by seeking help. And I wish you all the luck in the world in finding what you need to feel better.
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I have been in therapy off and on for the last seven years. I should have started much earlier. I have never talked about my size kink with a therapist, because by the time I started therapy I had determined that it was neither a cause nor a symptom of more fundamental issues. It was (and remains) a distraction, which can be problematic, but I’m not going to be happier if I could somehow jettison it.
In fact, I talked with my last therapist about finding self-worth in “creative writing.” I admitted that it was “smut-based” writing, and we worked on overcoming shame associated with that. I didn’t specify “the kink” as I was confident that for me Size is just an internal role-playing world that doesn’t need to be externalized.
Longtime readers will remember that I do have a history of self-loathing with regard to the M/f side of Size Fantasy. It’s no great mystery that the origin of this is my disgust and dismay with how every man in my life treats women, starting with my father. Disentangling my expectations from my father’s has been my primary challenge for most of my life, but it got a lot easier when I had a professional to talk to about it.
A real society would provide for everyone to have a therapist or the functional equivalent, and men suffer the most from this lack. To customize the meme, “Men will literally shrink themselves to the size of a mouse and beg women to step on them rather than go to therapy.”
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@foreverlurk
I’m sorry to hear about your depression, and this longing feeling. I occasionally have that sort of longing, especially when I’m just waking up from a good dream.I’m very glad to hear that you’re getting therapy. So many people don’t even try that, and it can really help with depression a lot. I hope it helps you.
Speaking from experience, when I’ve mentioned this kink to therapists, They were totally nonplussed. The counselors I were seeing were not Freudian. They didn’t really want to dig into it more than I wanted to bring it up. They didn’t attribute meaning to it that I didn’t bring with me.
I forget where you live. I’ve heard that therapy in Europe can still be pretty Freudian, but that’s not so common in the USA, where counselors and therapists are more likely to use cognitive behavioral therapy than Freudian analysis to treat depression.
I’m bringing up Freud because I think that framework would have a field day with this kink. I disagree with him on pretty much everything. The fact that therapy has been moving away from him for the past 50 years is a good thing, for those of us with powerful imaginations, and unusual sexual tastes. He attributed meaning to every little detail, especially sex. He had no science to back up his frameworks, and they don’t really hold up to modern research.
Also.
If you’re finding that this kink is too troubling, you can put it down and walk away for as long as you want. It will still be here for you if you ever want to pick it up again, after a period of time of you focusing on your mental health.
Good luck on your journey!
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@Mrgoblinging7 Thanks, I hope it does work for me too.
I think the nature of the fantasy itself, of wanting to dominate/shrink/reduce really makes it harder to paint ourselves (biggos) in a positive light. I can rarely see myself as anything else than the “bad guy” in my fantasies, or maybe the hypocrite savior at best.
I’m still not sure what I’ll need to feel better (an actual 3" tall lady would def help!), but gaining a better understanding of myself is the first step.
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@Olo said in Depression and Size Kink:
and men suffer the most from this lack. To customize the meme, “Men will literally shrink themselves to the size of a mouse and beg women to step on them rather than go to therapy.”
Ain’t that the truth?! I fully admit that I’m guilty of this as well. I think there has been rapid changes to that perception amongst males in the past decade or two, but it took everything (and hitting the wall) for me to seek help and get in therapy. I even admitted to my therapist I almost didn’t show up.
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Thank you so much.
It’s so interesting that you bring up Freud because that was actually one of my fears when I first thought about going to therapy. I’ve studied him when I was younger and I was worried that his ideas were still being used. I’m much more a fan of Carl Jung, but that’s another story.
Here in Canada, at least in Quebec, CBT is by far the most used method. My therapist main area of expertise is with PTSD for Canadian Armed Forces personnel, where CBT has shown to be greatly effective.
@tiny-ivy said in Depression and Size Kink:
If you’re finding that this kink is too troubling, you can put it down and walk away for as long as you want. It will still be here for you if you ever want to pick it up again, after a period of time of you focusing on your mental health.
That’s the thing… I’ve already tried to put it down in the past, and the truth is that I simply can’t. It’s not a switch I can turn off, it’s a huge part of my sexuality wheter I want it or not. I thought that I could live without it and it only led to even more frustration and isolation. I realize not everyone with the fetish has this level of intensity, but that’s just my own experience.
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@foreverlurk I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this. I do commend you and encourage you to continue therapy, I think others have had some great input on that already and I know I’ve benefited from it tremendously over the years. It does sound like bringing up the kink in a session might be beneficial, even if you don’t go into great detail on the specifics and more on how it impacts your life. I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful. We’re all rooting for ya
If you’d like to support me and my work, please feel free to leave me a tip and I will be so grateful! https://ko-fi.com/littlestlily
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One thing I can honestly say I could never walk away from this kink/fetish for as much mental strain and pain it has given me over the years and still dose the community around it has help shape me into the person I am today. I’m not saying I’m a better or a worse person for it but I feel I’m better for you all I’ve met some of the most amazing,talented strong willed and if I’m honest confrontational people in my life people that have called me on my bullshit even when I didn’t think it was. Likewise some of my darkest days I’ve been helped though by those same people. I could more easily stop my own heart than step away from this kink/fetish (side note I have spent years in hospitals and now can lower my heart beat low enough to make a heart monitor think I’ve flat lined great trick to try on new doctors or fresh nurses). On a completely different tangent I ask my fallow posters when your hugged by a loved one/friend what do you feel besides the physical contact because that’s all I ever feel yet I think others get something else out of it am I alone in this or can others relate.
