Out of their Element

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 37
Aiden

My body did me a solid last night. I figured there was no way I’d be able to sleep at all after everything that happened, no matter how exhausted I was. The pain was too fresh, too raw, too much. But maybe it’s because it was too much that I shut down. I ended up passing out as if slipping into death.

And yet, when I wake up this morning, it may be with a clearer, more rested mind, but it’s with nothing but anxious thoughts. It doesn’t feel like yesterday was real. Never in my entire life had I considered what it might be like to assault someone. Much less by accident. I can still hear her screams every time I close my eyes and I’m not sure it’s something I’ll ever get over.

I’ve also never attempted to share the inner workings of my sexuality with anyone, much less with someone who unwillingly embodies the epitome of my fantasies. It’s something that would have been embarrassing no matter what, but in this particular context the shame feels insurmountable. How am I going to face Evie now? How do we get through this?

I roll over to stare at the tiny paper crane on my nightstand and try to think about the upcoming day. I have double office hours for work so I’ll be out from morning to evening. I kinda wish I could just sneak out the window… I want to give the poor girl some space. Or maybe I’m just being a total coward. But no, I’ll need to enter the other room at some point, we’ll need to acknowledge each other eventually. Maybe there’s a way to ease into it, though. I pick up my phone and my pulse quickens as I type out a text message.

How are you doing? Are you ok?

I send it before I can chicken out and then put my phone down with a sigh, rubbing at my face in both an attempt to wake up and to calm down. I’m surprised by how quickly she answers.

Come in here ya big dummy : )

I smile, quickly getting misty-eyed with immense relief and gratitude. I’m not sure exactly what I expected - maybe the silent treatment, or her saying she needs space, or her dismissively telling me that she’s fine. But this response gives me the strength to get out of bed. I pause in the doorway before I turn the corner, heart still racing, and take some steadying breaths as I pray that I don’t screw up this next interaction.

Evie’s waiting on the other side of the desk from where her stuff is, closer to where I come in, as if to be on neutral ground. She’s perched herself up on top of a stapler and sits there with a gentle smile that makes my stomach twist the moment we make eye contact. I weakly try to return the smile, taking a few steps forward before stopping. My intention is to hover where her voice is just within my earshot without getting too close too quickly.

"Did you get some sleep?” she calls out.

“I did,” I say with a nod. I motion hesitantly just ahead of myself and ask, “Um, is it okay if I…?”

“Yeah, come sit down.”

Despising how big I am right now, I take one more step forward and reach out for the chair, rolling it just a little closer to me before I take a seat so that I’m not right up against the desk.

She looks so fragile and helpless sitting up on a stapler that’s as big as a rhinoceros compared to her. So little… Seriously, thank god I didn’t end up crushing her or anything yesterday. Thank god she’s safe.

I’d thought about what I wanted to initially say to her before I came in, so I push myself to say it now. “Hey so… I’m sorry I had such a meltdown last night… and made a bad situation worse. Especially since you were the actual victim. I guess I was so worried that you’d see me as a monster that I sorta became just that.”

“You’re not a monster, Aiden…” Evie soothes, her voice a balm on my fried nerves. “It’s alright. You’re allowed to have feelings.”

I’m admittedly a little thrown off by how nice she’s being. She’s not acting afraid of me the way she did last night, she’s acting the way she always had before. Which, concerningly, does involve her glossing over her own needs sometimes.

I lean in, just slightly. “And how are you feeling?”

I see the first sign that things aren’t 100% back to normal in the way her shoulders tense and her smile becomes pained. “Yesterday was a lot,” she admits, “I’m still trying to sort it all out. But I’ve been doing some thinking and there’s two things I want to make clear.”

She hops off of the stapler and takes a step towards me, and reflexively I push myself back in my chair, still worried about being too close.

“For one,” she says, ignoring my retreat, “You grabbing me was a total freak accident. I know you never would have done that normally, and I forgive you, okay?”

I close my eyes for a second, letting that wash over me as I inhale. I still don’t feel any less guilty, but the fact that Evie’s so readily extending this olive branch still rocks me to my core. “Thank you,” I sigh, voice wavering as I open my eyes again, “I owe you big time.”

She smiles again before continuing. “The other thing is that I don’t blame you for keeping your fantasies a secret from me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how hard that must have been for you to tell me, of all people. I get it.”

I stare, dumbfounded, and she turns her gaze down to her fingers as she messes with a strand of her hair.

“A kink doesn’t define you,” she adds nervously, “I still don’t completely understand it so I might have some questions going forward, but… if you can still treat me like a friend and not just some kind of object then we’re good. You think that’s possible?”

“Of course,” I say immediately before I stutter out, “You are being… insanely understanding.”

She sighs and looks up at me, her brown doe eyes shining pitifully. Her voice is soft enough that I have to lean in again. “I don’t want to lose what we had.”

It’s like an arrow to the heart. Maybe I won’t escape this conversation without getting weepy after all. Despite my current fear of my own too-large body, my first instinct is to reach out and touch her. Stopping myself is agonizing and I have to ball my hand up into a fist in my lap to keep it in place.

But then… she reaches out instead. Not quite an arms-spread-out-for-a-hug type of request, just one tiny hand extending forward, as if she’s hoping for me to offer her something. Now feeling like I have her permission, I tentatively reach up and bridge the space, palm up and forefinger outstretched, bringing it just within her reach but letting her initiate. She takes it in both hands and for a moment she just stares at the pad of the digit, running her thumbs over the lines of my fingerprint.

I feel a shiver down my spine from the light touches, combined with a wave of shame over how nice the sensation is. Despite how much better our talk is going this morning, a part of me can’t help feeling uneasy. Something just still feels off. It shouldn’t be this simple. Just like that, everything’s over and done with? I have a hard time believing it. But right now I just hold very still as Evie tries her best to find our old normal, eventually wrapping her arms around my finger and hugging it against her.

“I would’ve told you eventually, you know,” I say quietly, “Depending on the direction things went for us…”

She holds me a little tighter and nods. I don’t think either one of us knows which direction we’re facing at the moment.

Suddenly she snaps out of whatever stupor she was in. “You gotta get to work, right?” she says, letting go of my finger and taking a couple of steps back.

“I’m not late yet. Listen, Evie…” My exhale’s a little shaky as I ride the waves of uneasiness. I can’t just leave things as they are. “I still feel so awful about what happened. And it just happened, so if you ever realize later that you need to talk about it again, with me, with Moira, whatever you need, don’t hold back. And if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, please tell me.”

“You can get me breakfast?” my little friend says with a smirk, “I could totally go for cold pizza.”

I laugh, sounding a bit hollow even though I appreciate the jest. “I’m serious, Eve. Anything you think could help, just say the word. Think about it, okay?”

And with that I do go ahead and put something together for breakfast - I opt for yogurt and granola, but I also get her a tiny sliver of leftover pizza. I do love that little quirk about her, her ability to stomach any food at any hour. It’s such a relief to know that I still get to share daily life with her and experience all of her idiosyncrasies.

And then I’m off to work. Even though we’re in May, there’s a bit of a cold front that came through today, so the crisp morning air helps invigorate me for the long day ahead.

It feels very different being on the other end of the final exam hump - it’s so strange to think that my last test was just yesterday. So much has happened in so little time. I try to stay focused on all of the students who are still in the throes of studying, which at least helps my mind to stay occupied. But anytime there’s a quiet moment, I’m either thinking about Evie’s panicked distress from last night, or her painfully gentle understanding from this morning.

During my lunch break, I try to write a note to her. I haven’t written her anything in a couple of weeks since I was so busy, and now seems like the right time to get back to it. But I don’t quite know which way to go. Something heartfelt? A casual return to form? I stare at the blank page in front of me until I hear footsteps at my office door. When I look up, I do a double take, not having expected my friend Diego to show up.

“Hey man!” he says, squeezing his tall, burly frame into the comparatively tight space, “I was wondering if I’d find you here. What’d you think of the Biochem final yesterday?”

“Oh, um…” I set my pencil down and have to actively think about the query. “I thought it was rough. Like, I’m pretty sure I passed, but maybe just barely.”

Diego has wandered right past my desk and is now standing in front of the whiteboard nearby, looking curiously at whatever lesson I’d been giving last. True to form, he starts messing with his surroundings as he talks to me, absently picking up a marker.

“Oh thank god, it’s not just me,” he sighs, “Maybe they’ll grade it on a curve. You’re on a lunch break, right? Wanna go grab food?”

He’s already drawn a dick on the whiteboard and I chuckle as I shake my head at him. “I can’t, I should stick around here. Sometimes lunch is the only time people can come by.”

He turns and gives me a sagely nod as he ambles back over towards my desk. “That’s real dedication to your students. I respect that.” In one swift movement, he turns a nearby chair around and straddles it, looking at me pointedly. “You look like something’s wrong. What happened?”

As generally goofy as he is, he can be stupidly perceptive sometimes. I almost ask him what he means by that, but I don’t feel like playing dumb and the truth slips out. “I screwed up last night… I hurt a friend. I didn’t mean to, but I did, and I feel terrible.”

Diego’s eyebrows shoot up. “Fuck, that doesn’t sound like you at all. You wanna talk about it, bro?”

I pick my pencil back up to fidget with it, balancing it on the side of a finger. “It was just… really dumb, on my part,” I mutter, “And what almost makes it harder is that they’re being really nice and accommodating about it.”

“I hear ya, Star can be like that. Last month I forgot about some plans we made, and the only thing that made me feel worse was her being such a sweetheart about it. But her being so sweet’s part of why I love her, ya know?”

He reaches an arm forward to the desk and flicks a stray pen in my direction. It rolls over in a blur and whacks against my hand, and the pencil I was balancing clatters down. I let out a breath of laughter and figure that I’ve lost him, but he jumps right back into his advice.

“If they’ve forgiven you, don’t take that shit for granted! You probably shouldn’t keep bringing up what happened, but you just gotta go above and beyond for a little while. Make sure they know you really care, yeah? Extra communication and attention and all that jazz.”

Damn, he’s actually helping me feel better. Not that I should be surprised, considering how long I’ve known the guy. I shoot my friend a smile. “Right.”

Diego scoots his chair forward so that he can lean both forearms on the edge of the desk in a mock intimidating manner. “So when do I get to meet her?” he asks with a smirk.

Yeeeah not happening, bud. “She’s just a friend. And she doesn’t live here unfortunately,” I say evasively. Technically I’m telling the truth… Evie lives on a different desk.

[Olo]

@littlest-lily I’m old enough to know better, but I can’t remember how people made up after a fight before there was texting.

Thank God for Diego. I was about to text Aiden myself.

[miss-lillipants]

@littlest-lily I can’t help but feel that this is the real calm before the storm…

[littlest-lily]

@Olo Yeah writing things out can help create a bit of a filter when emotions are high. And I know he’s such a minor character (I wonder if anyone remembers him from previous chapters lol) but I’m always happy to include Diego in the periphery, he’s fun.

[littlest-lily]

@miss-lillipants All I’ll say is that there’s still a whole lot of story left

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 38
Evie

I hoist my toothpaste cap full of water up my makeshift posted note stairs, careful not to lose my balance. Once I make it to the ceramic rim, I dump the few drops of moisture over the edge, onto the soil of the basil plant. I then climb up into the pot to get an idea of how dry the rest of the dirt is. Mild trauma isn’t an excuse to shirk on my self-appointed chores. Even if my ribs are still a little sore from last night.

I’ve actually been keeping myself busier than ever today. If I stay still then my mind starts going. Better to move my body instead, it’s less painful that way. I’ve already thoroughly cleaned the inside of my bathroom and done a batch of laundry.

I’ve been meaning to clean my geode lately too, so now’s as good a time as any. I spend some time admiring the pet rock as I get to work. The level of detail hidden in the amethyst is one of the few things that makes me appreciate my small size. The colors in these crystals aren’t just solid and even, they’re complicated and varied, like pigment blooming in water, purple clouds frozen in time. Every time I run a tissue over the beautiful facets, I see new intricacies I’d never noticed before.

My admiration gets interrupted by a buzz from my phone. I hurry over to it - I was expecting this, but Moira’s calling a little earlier than anticipated. I slide my palm across the screen to accept the call.

“Hello?” I say tentatively. I haven’t talked on the phone since shrinking and I’m not sure how much to project. “Can you hear me?”

“Yup! It’s as if you were here,” my friend responds. I smile and collapse into a seat next to the screen. I hadn’t realized how tired I was from all the running around I’ve been doing today. It feels so good to hear Moira’s voice.

“How’s the setup going?” I ask.

“It’s all ready to go! First panel starts in a couple of hours. Then I’ll just be at my booth for most of the weekend. Do you two have any fun plans now that Aiden’s done with finals?”

“Oh, um… That’s a good question! I guess that means we don’t, since I… don’t have an answer.”

I just sounded incredibly awkward, and even though she can’t see me she immediately picks up on it. “Uhh. You feeling okay?”

Kicking myself, I end up wincing in defeat. “Sorry, Mo, I’m kinda going through something, but I feel bad bringing it up when you’re still in the middle of all your stuff…”

“No, no, it’s alright! I finally have some free time now, what’s up?”

I recount the harrowing tale. Not all of it - I remove all of the sexual overtones and don’t mention anything about Aiden’s kink. I just go through the sweet intimacy of our cuddling, the accidental falling asleep… and the grabbing.

“He feels so bad about it,” I lament, “Even though it’s not really his fault. But I mean, yeah, I was… very scared.”

The voice on the other end is quiet for a little bit, until I hear a sound of frustration. “Damn. That just sucks. It sucks that you guys have to be so freaking careful all the time.”

“Tell me about it,” I grumble.

“And we can’t just, like, put you in a bubble. I’m sure he’ll be way more mindful after this, but… I can understand that must have been terrifying.”

It’s like I can almost feel her hand holding mine in support. Except in my head I’m imagining her hand to be the same size as mine. Which is nowhere near the truth.

I hate this. I’m so sick of being this small and weak and worthless. Everything would be easier if I could just be big again. I could take care of myself. I could go back to school, make more friends. I could finally embrace Aiden fully, and he wouldn’t have to hold back in fear of hurting me. I could figure out if he likes me - for me, not for my shrunken state. I could get my freedom back.

“I just wish things could be simpler,” I lament with a waver in my voice.

Moira sighs, and as if she was reading my mind she says, “And there’s nothing we can do to get you back to normal? We’re sure this is permanent?”

It makes sense that I keep stumbling into this topic, but it makes me tense up every time. “I mean, yeah, in theory,” I respond, “According to the scientist’s notes it is, from what he had developed…”

Well, the notes that we currently have say that, in that one journal Aiden was able to obtain. There are still so many unknowns with Dr. Little. So many questions that I can’t afford to get answers to. But this conversation is making it really difficult to keep my head stuck in the sand.

We talk for a little bit longer, ending on a good note by making plans for when she comes back in a couple of days. After I hang up, I sit in silence for a good long while.

Alright. Fine. Let’s actually think about this.

What are the odds that the technology to restore me already exists, even if incomplete? I take the time since I’m sitting at my phone anyway to do some Googling and find out what I can about Dr. Little. Every police report and news article about the fire that happened at the lab keeps the burn victim anonymous. I find many medical doctors by the names of “Charles Little” but no one remotely familiar. I spend a lot of time digging through any kind of article or event post or scientific journal that I can find that mentions the laboratory. Nothing comes of it. It doesn’t mean he didn’t have a second base of operations or something. But at this point I feel like the likelihood of another machine that can reverse the shrinking just sitting around somewhere is very low.

Okay well, barring that, what would the first step even be to try and fix me? Go to a hospital? Maybe they’d actually keep my information private? But surely there isn’t some magical cure in the form of medicine for this. Maybe they’d be able to run tests of some kind, but even by the time we’d get to that point there would be several more people who’d learn of my existence.

There’s no way my picture doesn’t end up somewhere or that word doesn’t spread. There’s no way the cops don’t find out. Aiden would still be with me though… right? Is it worth the risk to try?

Fear finally slips into the driver’s seat. Before I know it, I’m curled up in the fetal position and rocking back and forth with my eyes squeezed shut. My fingertips are going numb and I feel like I can hardly breathe. I keep trying to come back up to the surface and reason through this but I’m drowning. There’s no way. There’s just no way.

And with that I have my answer. I stay. As long as I’m able, I have to stay here. Which feels like a more desperate need than ever now that Aiden’s mentioned the concept of me moving out. He just said it for my sake, to make sure I feel comfortable after what happened. But I’ve had previous experience with getting kicked out and abandoned. And even just the suggestion, the slightest possibility of him asking me to leave… I have to avoid that outcome at all costs.

I curse my weakness, inside and out. And I’ve let myself sink deep enough into this state that it takes me a long time to wrestle the lid back on. For a good twenty minutes I just gaze at my phone. Staring at a picture of the lab where my life came to a standstill.

In spite of everything… I’m just wishing Aiden were here right now. He might have freaked me out last night, but I was being truthful when I told him I don’t want to lose what we had. I wish I could rewind back to the moment when I was laying on his chest and he was stroking my back, and that I could just have it so that he didn’t end up dozing off. How would we have ended up instead? I yearn to know the answer to that, so much…

Thankfully I manage to pick up the pieces of myself before my roommate gets home. I don’t quite find the desperate vigor that I had this morning that got me through my chores, but I’m at least on my feet with dry eyes.

As soon as the giant comes into the apartment and puts his stuff down, he wanders my way. He doesn’t sit at the chair, just leans his arms over the backrest. Despite him keeping his distance, though, his smile is warm.

“How was the day?” I ask as cheerfully as I can.

“Long. But not bad.” He shifts in place, looking slightly distracted as he reaches for his pants pocket. “You?”

“About the same. At least it’s the weekend?” I’m surprised to see his wallet in his hands - he’s pulling out a note. It’s been a while.

“Yup, there is that,” he says, casually reaching over to drop the folded paper into our mailbox. “You okay with soup for dinner?”

“Yeah, sounds great.”

As soon as he pivots to head for the kitchen, I immediately turn my attention to the gift. Feeling a lot more self conscious than I usually would, I tiptoe my way over and pick up the message, tucking the bulky paper under one arm. I go hide behind my bathroom before I unfold it and read avidly.

Hey you. I missed us writing like this. There’s just something about us talking on paper. This way it doesn’t matter what we look like or sound like or anything else. Just two people sharing our thoughts. It’s nice.

Having said that, I’m sitting here at work and wishing I could see you instead! Let’s decide on which show we want to watch soon. I think we still have some popcorn in the cupboard!

Aiden

Even though the scrap of paper is as big as I am, I gather it up in my arms and hold it against me, burying my face into it. I sit there for a while, until I hear booming footsteps starting to return.

I come out and beam at Aiden when he sits down. “Popcorn sounds great!” I exclaim.

“Okay, cool! Let’s see how much of it I burn this time,” he chuckles as he transfers my tiny bowl of tomato soup from his plate to my table. “Oh whoops, I forgot your bread on the counter, be right back.”

“That’s alright!” I say hurriedly before he has a chance to move, "I can just grab some from yours, if you don’t mind?” I’ve already taken a few steps towards his plate as I look up at him hopefully.

“S-sure,” Aiden responds with a nod, though I notice in his subtle movements that he’s pulling back as I approach.

I do wonder what goes on inside his head. Is the mere sight of me… distracting? Well, not me, but rather my smallness. I don’t know, right now he just looks intimidated.

“Am I scaring you?" I ask as I reach his plate, half teasing but half earnest.

“No," he says quickly, looking a bit embarrassed now. “If I’m being honest… I think I’m just scared of myself.”

The edge of the plate is as high as my waist, meaning I have to hoist myself up in order to climb aboard. His king mattress-sized slice of bread is right in front of me, so I go ahead and tear off a tiny piece for myself as I try to come up with what to say.

“Just think about your track record," I offer. “I still trust you, okay? We can take baby steps.”

“Right… Thank you. I’ll get there."

Like a figure coming out of a fog, a look of determination appears on Aiden’s face as he moves a little closer. One hesitant finger makes its way to where I’m standing, curving around behind me to gingerly press against the back of my shoulders. It’s not unlike an arm draping around them in a light hug. The gentle point of contact gives us the strength to share a smile. I don’t care what I know now, this doesn’t feel like some kind of perverted touch.

He moves his hand away but keeps it in the vicinity, shifting the finger to line up with his plate, just behind my feet. I glance down and realize he’s offering me some help in climbing back off the dish now that my hands are full. Accepting gratefully, I step onto the pad of the digit and maintain my balance as the narrow platform lowers me the short distance down.

As I head back towards my own table where the rest of my meal is waiting, I take notice of my phone just beyond. The screen is black now, but I remember the image that was on there last. During the time that I was sitting and staring at it earlier, I had come up with an idea that I decide to bring up now.

“Hey, um…" I start as I turn back towards my giant friend. He acknowledges me with a slight raising of the eyebrows. “So I’ve thought about it. What I think you can help me with. If that’s still okay.”

Aiden perks up at this, looking pleasantly surprised. “Oh, yeah! Of course, anything. What do you need?"

I give him a long, hard look before I answer. “Closure."

[Olo]

@littlest-lily Not to add to Evie’s worries, but I wonder how her search history would look to a third-party like, say, a cop or a journalist.

Evie might think she removed all the sexual overtones in her recounting to Moira, but Moira’s not dumb, and she can use Google too.

[littlest-lily]

@Olo All good points!! And of course I can’t say if you’re on to something lol

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 39
Aiden

Damnit. I just had to tell her I would do anything she wanted, didn’t I? Even something that makes me as nervous as this. But not only do I owe her, refusing her this thing in particular would have been problematic.

After we discuss it and finish up dinner, I change into a shirt with a pocket so that Evie can join me for our newly planned outing. But then there’s the issue of transferring her into it. I haven’t actually held her since last night. I gulp nervously and almost just awkwardly offer her my hand, but then I decide to take a stab at talking through it instead.

“So, er, tell me… What’s the best way for me to pick you up?” I ask, crouching beside her on the desk. “How can I make sure you feel comfortable after yesterday?”

Evie looks a little taken aback and soon her nervousness matches mine. “Oh, uh, thanks for asking. I guess it depends,” she says, “Because… one thing I still don’t really understand is how um… What exactly gets you… excited? You know?”

Right. It’s a fair question and I have no idea how to answer it. This is so embarrassing… Come on, man, communicate. You can do this.

“It’s not quite like that,” I try, “I won’t lie, I do like holding you, but it’s not like I’m… constantly excited or anything. It’s not that extreme. For the most part it just kinda… makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside?”

To my immense relief, she actually smiles at this. “Okay. That’s not so bad. In that case I don’t see why we can’t do what we did before? Maybe just don’t grab me around the waist for a little while?”

Whew. This is working. Just gotta rebuild that bridge between us, one piece at a time. “Sure thing,” I say, finally laying my hand down beside her. “Baby steps?”

“Baby steps,” she agrees as she hops right on.

I smile, still feeling awkward as I lift her up and help her inside my pocket. But then we’re off.

It’s a little chilly outside in the evening air so I’m glad I chose a long-sleeve shirt. I’m a bit worried about my small friend, though. At home she uses a blanket to stay warm when she needs to - since we were coming up on summer, she hasn’t sewn any colder weather clothes yet. I guess we’ve never really gone out in the evenings before… I wish I was taking her somewhere a little more fun tonight instead.

She shifts restlessly against my chest, the lightest of sensations that I’ve grown so familiar with. It’s really nice. Comforting, even. Admitting to her how her stature makes me feel didn’t exactly make the feelings go away, they’re just as strong as ever.

I will say this, though. I’m still ashamed of it all, and it’s still a struggle to openly talk about it. But the more time passes, the more I feel like telling her my darkest secret has taken some sort of weight off of me. It’s like subconsciously I knew that she would find out eventually, and now I’m just relieved that it’s behind me. I survived it, she doesn’t seem to hate me… and maybe we can actually move on from this.

After a few blocks, I slow my walking to a stop, gazing up at the building just ahead.

“We’re here,” I whisper to my chest. “No one’s around.”

Evie carefully sticks her head out, being very furtive even though the street is deserted. I hear her blow out an exhale to steady her nerves as she takes in the view. She hasn’t seen the lab since the day she shrank.

“See? There’s still caution tape all over the front,” I say, pointing. “Don’t think we’re allowed to go in but… I can try and open the door?”

“No, I don’t want to get you in trouble for trespassing,” she responds with a head shake, “It definitely looks locked anyway.”

“Probably. According to the website it won’t be open until at least September, but that’s already the second time they’ve pushed it back. Judging by the damage I saw, I don’t see them reopening any time soon.”

She’s quiet for a little bit. I’m hoping this was enough and we can head back now - being here makes me feel tense. But I’m trying not to rush her. Agreeing to bring her here was my chance to prove that I really do want to help get her back to normal. And it’s true, I do, but I don’t think this is going to accomplish anything. I doubt Evie thinks it will either. Still, I can understand her need to see this for herself.

To my surprise, though, she has a different idea. “When you went to see it last time, you said you saw some sunlight coming in through the wall, right? Because of the damage?”

“…Yeah?”

“So do you think we could see the crack from the outside?”

I try to repress my sigh. “Maybe if we go down that alley… You said you don’t want me to get in trouble?”

“It’s not the same as trying to get in, right? You’d just be passing through.”

I grit my teeth and start walking. “Okay, sure. Let’s go check it out.”

It’s even darker in the alleyway with only the faint residual glow of the already-set sun. But due to the white wall of the building, I quickly find the charred exterior of the lab room of our nightmares. And sure enough, there’s a massive crack running from the ground up to just above my head, creating the occasional hole in the wall.

I pause to peer through one of these gaps. There must be a hallway lit up somewhere else in the building so that the room isn’t pitch black, but it’s still quite dark. From the little I can make out I’m shocked to see the space is in just as much disarray as it was the day after the fire.

“Could I take a look?” Evie asks, standing on her tiptoes but unable to see anything for herself from her spot.

I have to steel myself before I tug down on the edge of my pocket, and then I slip a couple of fingers inside for her to step onto before I gingerly bring her out. It’s so weird, normally these gestures are second nature to me now. But I’m still a little paranoid about touching her, as if my own body might betray me again at any second if I’m not mindful.

Cupping both hands together, I lift her up so that she’s level with the hole I was just looking through. She leans her hands on the tips of my fingers as she looks inside, her head turning from one side to the other.

“You weren’t kidding,” she says, “It’s literally rubble.”

“Yeah, I’m surprised they haven’t cleaned any of it up. Surely they’re done with whatever investigation they were doing by now?”

“Still, maybe they missed something,” Evie wonders as she shifts to the side along my fingers, trying to get a better vantage point.

I hate to dash all her hopes but… “This place used to be crawling with cops. If anything of use survived the fire, there’s no way it’s still in there.”

“I don’t know, maybe he hid it really well. I was trying to look into the guy some more today, he was just so damn secretive… I don’t suppose you know which locker he used?”

“Pretty sure it was the one next to mine. Meaning it’s totally destroyed.”

“Figures.”

We spend another minute or so in silence and Evie looks like she’s running out of ideas. She sits back on her heels in my palm. I hold still and stay quiet to let her think through whatever she needs.

“Maybe if…” she says, peering back over my fingers to look down. There’s another gap about a foot below her and I start lowering my hands with the expectation that it’s where she wants to look next. But instead she points straight at my feet. “Could you put me down?”

“What?” I frown and reflexively take a step back from the wall. “On the ground?”

“Yeah… The crack goes all the way down, so I just wanted to look at it from a different angle…”

I glance around myself, towards each end of the alley. Still no one around, but I’m not sure how much longer our luck is going to hold. Not to mention the alleyway itself is pretty dingy, I worry about my tiny friend and her tiny bare feet. Maybe I’m being overly protective, but putting her on the concrete doesn’t feel like the safest thing.

“How about I just set my hands down and you take a peek?” I suggest as I start to crouch, “It looks kinda gross around here…”

“I’ll just take a bath when I get back,” she says, and she doesn’t give me the opportunity to protest as she slides right off my fingers before they even quite reach the ground.

“Careful, okay?” I hiss, cursing myself for bringing her down here and having to actively fight the urge to pick her right back up. But she ignores me, already walking closer to the crack in the wall to peer inside.

I glance around where she’s standing for any sign of danger - anything sharp or sticky or alive. Thankfully there’s nothing in the immediate vicinity. There’s another sizeable gap in the wall right in front of my face so I take a second to glance through there as well, wondering if she might have a point with getting a different perspective. But nothing’s any different - in fact, I can make out even less of the room from down here.

I look back at Evie and bite my lip as I notice she’s shivering. Just as I feared, she’s not equipped for the quickly cooling night air. I almost say something, just wanting to get out of here. But instead I flinch apprehensively as the tiny woman takes a step back and lays down onto her stomach as she continues to look through the hole that’s right at the base of the wall.

“Aiden!” she suddenly yells, startling me, “There’s something there!”

“What?!” Despite everything I get all the way down too, touching the side of my head to the concrete. “Where, what are you seeing?”

“I think it’s a flash drive!” she shouts, pointing, “I’m serious, it’s right there! It’s stuck under something.” She glances back at me then gets to her feet so that she can crouch and match my eye level. “Yeah you can’t see it from this high, but I swear it’s there.” And then to my horror she walks right towards the crevice that she could clearly squeeze through.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on!” I say, slipping my hand in front of her to block her path. I lift my head back up. “You can’t just wander around in there, that’s dangerous! Maybe if we come back tomo–”

“It’s right there!” Evie insists and she glares at me with a frustration that stops me short. “It’s just a few inches away, less than a foot I think. I’ll be careful, just please let me go grab it.”

Did she not just see the same scene I did? Precarious rubble, sharp twisted metal, shambled furniture and broken glass covering the floor? If anything were to happen with her in there, I wouldn’t be able to reach in and help.

She moves closer to me, touches my wrist, stares me down with a determination I’ve never seen from her before. “Let me do this.”

It would be so easy to refuse. I could pluck her right up, stuff her in my pocket and march straight home. There’s nothing she’d be able to do to stop me. It would take no effort. It would keep her safe.

I sigh heavily. And slide my hand out of the way.

[Olo]

@littlest-lily In my experience, holding a tiny in one’s hand is no more–and no less–exciting than a prolonged hug.

Aiden, dude: Consider how desperate she is to regain her size. If you don’t want her to think you prefer her tiny, don’t find petty reasons to impede her investigation.

I can’t remember if they looked up the Fire Department’s incident report for the lab.

[littlest-lily]

@Olo I know right? It’s been building from the get go but Aiden’s paranoia around Evie’s safety has only spiked higher after what happened the previous day. But it absolutely would not have gone over well if he’d refused her request, and he knows it.

I don’t think I mentioned the fire department specifically, but any reports about the incident were very vague. No details about Dr Little (they kept the burn victim anonymous), no mention of what he was working on in the lab, nor of anyone else’s involvement. To be fair, even though I try to do lots of research about anything I’m not familiar with when writing, I don’t know if there are particular details that should have been reported on that you’re wondering about?

[Olo]

@littlest-lily The main thing I’m looking for is the determination of the cause of the fire. Both the insurance company and the cops will want to know if it has been ruled arson. Of course, official records can always be altered by sinister forces.

[littlest-lily]

@Olo Ohh I gotcha. I can tell you that it was not ruled as arson, the electrical fire was reported to be an accident.

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 40
Evie

Stepping up to the mouth of the stadium-sized cavern gives me a wave of dizziness. Entering such a dark, vast space by myself is creating so much anxiety that I almost turn back around. But going back to Aiden after being so insistent with him doesn’t feel like an option right now. I try to summon my courage, and all it takes is looking back to the floor, to the sliver of red plastic that had caught my attention in the first place, and my determination floods back.

It’s twenty feet away from me, and the reason it wasn’t destroyed becomes apparent right away. Due to the heat of the fire and whatever explosion happened in here, there’s a crack in the concrete floor, and the flash drive fell right in before something else fell on top of it. Whatever was covering it up must have protected it long enough for the fire to get put out. There’s no way I would have even seen it if I hadn’t gotten so low to the ground to be able to peer into the crack.

After I take a couple of hesitant steps, I flinch at the sound of Aiden’s voice echoing into the room. “Watch out, there’s a whole lot of shattered glass there. Just to your left, can you see that?”

I look in that direction and sure enough, one of the rocks strewn about is clearly glinting in the low light. “Roger that,” I call back, “It is pretty dark in here… Can you see me?”

I turn to look at the wall, trailing my gaze up the length of the crack we’d been looking through. About fifty feet up is a patch of my giant friend’s face, the color of his eye appearing almost black in the darkness.

“Sort of, I can see movement…” he responds, shifting to try and get a better view, “Oh wait, duh. Hold on, let me give you some light.”

A moment later, the space I’m in gets fully illuminated, and when I look back to the door I came through I have to squint. Aiden’s just turned on his phone’s flashlight and leaned the device up against the entrance.

“Is that better?”

“Much better, thank you!” I say emphatically, looking around.

This not only makes it easier to see, but I’m more able to ignore the vastness of the rest of the room as it recedes into almost pitch blackness. I’m just focused on my immediate surroundings now. Though I do nervously see the hundreds of pieces of aforementioned glass to my left, and I also realize even smaller pieces are littering the floor around me, some shards small enough for me to step on. I really, really need to make myself some shoes.

Shivering from the sharp chill in the air, I carefully pad my way through, my legs already getting covered in ash just from walking around in here. I make it to the fissure, ducking under the overhang of debris that covers it. There it is down below me, and now I’m much more confident that it is indeed a flash drive. The plastic surface just has a couple of small scratches on it, it otherwise looks miraculously undamaged. And it’s the kind that has a cap to protect the USB plug too.

My heart rate picks up with excitement. With any luck, this thing still works. With even more luck there’s useful information on it.

“Evie?” Aiden asks apprehensively, “You just disappeared, everything okay?”

I sigh, a bit exasperated by the rather large distraction outside. But I don’t blame him for worrying, I should probably be talking him through what I’m doing. I pop my head back out into the open.

“It’s under here!” I call, “There’s a crack in the concrete and it’s inside. This might take a minute, but everything’s fine.”

I peer into the crevice in the ground, trying to gauge the space. The concrete itself is about five or six inches thick so it’s quite a bit taller than I am, but the dirt underneath the slab has been pushed up in places, making it more accessible. The fissure’s walls are uneven enough to create plenty of climbing holds, so I slip into the narrow opening and slowly make my way into the earth without much issue. By now my arms and clothes are getting pretty dirty too. Yep, I’ll definitely be taking a bath after this.

The flash drive is a rounded rectangle shape that’s four feet long to me, so it’s going to be rather unwieldy to drag across the ground. But first I have to get it out of the crevice. It’s already leaned up against the side of the concrete, so I crouch down and hook my arms under one end before pushing upwards. The other end reaches the opening. I hear Aiden outside comment, “Whoa, I see it!” and his excitement gives me a boost of adrenaline as I heave.

And then my heart sinks as there’s a dull, jolting thump. I was able to squeeze in here. But the flash drive won’t fit through the hole, it’s getting blocked by the debris overhead.

Cursing, I take another minute to keep trying, maneuvering it in different angles, until I let the thing collapse and am left breathing hard from the effort. The hole is just barely too small. I’m so close.

“What’s up?” the giant outside asks as I scramble back out of the crevice.

“It won’t fit,” I respond in frustration. I spend some time trying to push against the piece of rubble that’s laying overtop the crack. It’s a chunk of charred wood and melted plastic that’s probably no larger than a baseball to the average person, but to me it’s as big as a pickup truck. I shove against it as hard as I can but it doesn’t even budge.

“Umm, let me think,” Aiden says as he watches me, “Maybe if I find a stick, I can push on it from the outside?”

That’s not a bad idea. I look back towards the entrance, squinting against the flashlight. But the crack that I slipped through to get here was fairly narrow, I wonder if a wooden stick that’s thin enough to fit would still be strong enough to help. Not to mention the fact that this spot is off to the side and there are some obstacles in the way, it’d be a tricky maneuver.

“There isn’t anything right here that I can use, though,” he laments, “and I don’t want to leave you by yourself to find something… How about you come back and we try again on a different day? Now that we know about it we can come better equipped.”

The idea of walking away from this thing when it’s right in front of me is painful. Aiden’s probably right, but I still don’t want to give up just yet…

“Hold on,” I say, “Maybe I’m the one who needs a tool.”

I start looking around at the rubble a little more critically. Most of what I see are unrecognizable bits of brittle metal, burnt wood and reformed plastic. I carefully step over more glass as I spot something long and thin - I brush some of the ash off and realize it’s a half-melted pen. A plan starts forming in my head and I drag this back to the offending obstacle.

Using a small rock as a fulcrum, I jam the end of the pen under the boulder-like chunk and push down on the other side of the lever as hard as I can. I put my entire weight on it, straining every muscle in my body, and still… nothing.

I collapse against the pen for a few seconds as I try to catch my breath, hissing out frustrated curses. I glare at the boulder, imagining how easy it would be for Aiden’s hand to push it out of the way, or even just pick it up, with no issue. I hate. Being. Small.

All the more reason to get to that flash drive.

With renewed vigor I get up and continue looking around. Think. What else can I do here? I start scanning all the memories I have of being in the woodworking shop back in high school. Wondering if any of the problems I had to solve back then might apply to right now. Could I wear away at the obstacle instead and widen the hole? Maybe if I had some kind of miniature sander - you know, that classic dollhouse accessory. Could I chip away at it with a rudimentary hammer and chisel? Maybe if I had five months to spare.

I come across something flat and metallic in the debris, and as I wipe off the dust I realize it’s a ruler. It’s damaged but I can still see some of the numbers on it. Whoa… I’d been told that I was three inches tall but had never seen the measurement for myself. Seeing it so plainly in front of me is pretty sobering.

But then I’m struck with a thought. I look back towards the pen that was useless to me. What do I know about levers? If I’m struggling to pull a nail out with the claw of a hammer… Get a bigger hammer. A longer lever.

I step onto the other side of the ruler and begin to push. It’s very thin and made even more so by the heat, but it’s just as dense, and it’s metal, so it’s still quite heavy to me. It’s also literally four times my height in length, so I have to push one end, then run over to the other end to slowly inch the structure across the floor.

“Please don’t hurt yourself,” Aiden’s voice calls to me softly. I can tell he’s trying to be patient and let me do this, but I’m not sure how much longer I can justify it.

It takes me another few minutes to drag the ruler the couple of inches over to where I need it, and then I shove one end underneath a small gap in the obstacle I’m wanting to move. After thinking things through for a minute, I grab my fulcrum rock and bring it to the far side of the ruler, away from the looming boulder. Using every bit of strength I have, I lift up the end of the metal plank, just high enough for me to shove the rock underneath with my foot. Even though I’ve managed to avoid all the broken glass, my legs are getting pretty scratched up now. But at least I’m making progress.

I get down onto the ground so that I can start pushing the rock along the bottom of the ruler, moving the fulcrum closer and closer to the obstacle to get maximum torque. It’s exhausting, and despite the cold in the air I’m now covered in a thin sheen of sweat, but I push through, knees and feet scraping against the concrete as my arms shake. By the time I make it as far as I can go, the high side of the lever is level with my chin. I run back to it and reach my hands up, and I push down as hard as I can.

There’s a shifting this time. It’s just the slightest bit of movement but it’s budging. I jump up, put my entire weight on the end of the lever, but I’m just not heavy enough. God, I’m so close.

“Evie…” the giant whispers, and from a quick glance to him I can tell he’s looking down the alleyway nervously.

“Wait,” I gasp, “Sorry, let me just try one last thing!”

If I’m not heavy enough, maybe I just need more weight. I find another rock and push it up the length of the ruler, then another one, then another, creating a pile at the top of the lever. It’s a messy process, the rocks threatening to topple off on more than one occasion, but I can tell it’s making a difference. Finally as I carry one more rock up, I feel the tension starting to practically vibrate beneath my feet. And that’s the moment that I try leaping up into the air and landing down as hard as I can.

It works. The boulder-like obstacle doesn’t roll away, but it slides to the side just a tad, the ruler slipping out from underneath it and causing me to crash to the ground. I can hear a sharp, concerned inhale from Aiden but I ignore him, immediately back on my feet as I rush over to the crevice.

I climb back down to the flash drive, needing to pause and take a few breaths after all that exertion. It’s time to push this thing up.

I’m so close. I’m so goddamn close. The hole is bigger, it looks like it’ll be a perfect fit, I push the end of the flash drive through… and then it gets stuck. The gap still isn’t quite wide enough. Once the rounded corners pass through, I feel resistance once again.

But it’s just by a hair. And I’ve come this far. I don’t care that my body’s about to give out, I have to do this. With a surge of adrenaline and a cry of exertion, I shove with everything that’s in me. The obstacle above me shudders and shifts… and then it shifts a lot more than I was expecting. Apparently when I’d pushed the boulder with the lever I had moved it into a precarious balance. And now it finally rolls a quarter turn to the side.

What I didn’t know about was the pile of ash and dirt that was trapped on top of the piece of rubble. Which now all comes tumbling down into the crevice in one solid wave. Burying me alive.

[Olo]

@littlest-lily