Out of their Element

[littlest-lily]

And there we have it, part 2 in the books!! I am currently working on part 3, but it is turning out to be a BEAST so it might take me a few months before I finish it. I have a couple of much smaller writing projects that I’ve started in the meantime, so perhaps at some point I’ll pause and finish a short story or two before I get back to this one. Thank you so so much for joining me thus far!!

[Olo]

@littlest-lily 🤩 Jesus, Lily, I have to go to work now.

I’ve been able to develop feelings for him without any kind of size-related kink.

I’ve been waiting for her to figure this out, but I couldn’t say anything. A crucial aspect of their relationship is that for almost the entirety of the time that they’ve known each other they’ve been at different sizes. That conversation would have gone much differently had they already known each other and checked each other out before Evie got shrunk.

I just hope Aiden doesn’t turn into a size geek and dump a bunch of new jargon and scenarios on her.

[Olo]

@littlest-lily Many thanks for sharing this story with us and leaving us at a nice place for the chapter break!

[Olo]

@littlest-lily It would be a lie to say that my opinions about police hasn’t evolved in the ten years since I wrote Little Trouble in Big Sky. Nevertheless, I think I was rather cynical in my depiction of society in general and cops in particular as corrupt and craven. There are very few “good cops” IRL and even fewer in Big Sky.

If the flash drive is Dr. L’s size porn stash, it might be somewhat educational for Evie.

[littlest-lily]

@Olo Hehe, have fun at work! Just imagine a bunch of teensy women skittering all over your workspace, that’s not distracting at all…

And yeaaah Aiden is still going to be super self conscious of his kink after what happened haha. But it’s so true that their relationship has kinda been thrown off with this pesky shrinking business. I can’t even imagine (but I sure do try!)

[Olo]

@littlest-lily Wanted: Stress Tinies

[miss-lillipants]

Big men, big kisses, big feelings. The real holy trinity.

[littlest-lily]

@miss-lillipants I couldn’t agree more!

[littlest-lily]

[Olo]

@littlest-lily

[littlest-lily]

Part 3: Something in the Air

Chapter 43
Evie

There’s a breeze coming in through the open window. It’s gentle, rolling across the surface of the desk like incoming tide. It ruffles the fur of my plush lion nearby and makes a notepad flutter. The warmth it carries presses against my skin like a blanket, a pleasant pressure on the side of my body. Except I’m in just enough of a precarious balance that it almost knocks me over. I overcompensate, not wanting to slip to the side and tumble eight feet down to a hard surface, and so I fall forward instead and immediately crash against the bridge of my friend’s nose. A nose that’s over half as big as I am.

“You good?”

The soft, deep voice rumbles through me, and the vibration feels intimate enough to make me blush. I push back against skin and try to regain balance on the massive arm that serves as my perch at the moment. “I’m good,” I confirm, putting a hand up to gratefully pat the space between the giant’s eyebrows.

I smile at him, even though he can’t see me right now, as his eyes are firmly shut. Aiden’s currently sitting at his desk chair and is leaned forward so that his chin is resting on top of the table, arms folded in front of his face. I’ve climbed up onto his forearm and am now sitting mere millimeters away from eyes. Any awkwardness around me getting all up in his face like this has largely disappeared - we’ve gotten pretty used to it now.

I have what serves as a large painter’s palette next to me, with a single dark brown color filling the container. One of the many miniatures that came home with me and has sat around uselessly for months is a makeup applicator, and I’m wielding it in my hand right now. As I rub the sponge-like applicator into the makeup, I notice that the huge eye that I’m sitting next to isn’t just gently closed anymore. It’s forcefully squeezing shut.

“Relax,” I say with a laugh, giving the giant another pat, “This’ll be fine.”

Aiden lets out a long, deep sigh that’s muffled by his arms. “How did we even get here?” he laments.

Well, I guess we originally got here almost four months ago, when I first got tricked by a literal mad scientist into becoming three inches tall, and was then rescued by the man who would become my closest friend… and perhaps something more. But as for the makeup, that’s just because Moira gave me some eyeshadow to use. The other day I mentioned to her in passing that I hadn’t put on any makeup since I became tiny, and she immediately found the smallest palette she had for me to play with at home. It was fun, finger painting my eyelids, pretending to be back in a world where that kind of thing mattered to me. But as soon as Aiden came over to see my progress, I was struck by a most devilish idea.

“Okay, hold still,” I say, getting onto my knees as I lean closer to one of the giant’s eyelids, sponge in hand. He goes very stiff and his brow is furrowed with concern. “Seriously, relax!” I laugh and I finally touch the makeup to his skin.

“Nnngh…” I almost fall over again as my friend tries and fails to keep from writhing. “I haaaate it.”

I pull my hand back and ask, “Does it hurt?” The tool I’m using is intended for foundation and isn’t exactly meant for eyelids.

“No…” Aiden grumbles, “It just feels so weird!”

I giggle and return back to my work, sliding the applicator and spreading the brown color just over the lashes. “Aww, poor baby,” I coo sarcastically, “Such torture that I’m putting you through…"

“I may never recover,” he responds dramatically.

I chuckle again, although I’m also trying to get this done quickly so that I can leave him alone. He’s making it very difficult. “You’re so twitchy!”

“What do you–” he scoffs, “You’re literally poking my eye!” But I can hear the amusement in his voice now as he tries to keep from laughing and shaking me again.

I finish thickening the line, opting to just make it look more like eyeliner than anything else, and pull away. “I’m almost done,” I assure him, “Just gotta do the other side.”

He’s quieter this time, sensing the end approaching, and I finish my masterpiece. I climb off of his arms and start taking some steps back to admire my handiwork with a big grin on my face. Sensing that I’m off of him now, Aiden blinks open his large hazel eyes and lifts his head off the desk, looking down at me skeptically.

“You look like a rockstar!” I chirp excitedly.

We had set up one of my old hand mirrors onto the desk so that I could see myself, and the giant bends down now so that he can assess the damage. “Oh okay… that’s not so bad,” he mutters.

“I didn’t put on much,” I say, walking over to look at him through the mirror as well. “And I didn’t touch your waterline. No way you’d be able to handle that if this was already too much for you.”

“I have no idea what a waterline is. But thank you for sparing me.”

I look back up at him and can feel all of the butterflies waking up inside me. They sure like to come out these days and flutter around my chest. “Yeah, you look great. It really helps bring out the green of your eyes.”

I notice the slightest bit of color blooming into his cheeks, and as he sits up to his full height he gives me the warmest smile. “Thanks, Eve. Yours looks really good too!”

"Thank you! I never owned much makeup so I’m no expert. We should get Moira to do a better job on you next time.”

“Uhhh yeah we’ll see about that,” he chuckles, “Okay, can I go wash this off now?”

“What, you don’t want to go out on the town like that?” I laugh. “Wait, before you go, can we take a picture of it? Please? You have no idea how good you look.”

He shakes his head in defeat, but he’s beaming nevertheless. “Only if you’re in the picture too.”

“Deal!”

I run closer to him excitedly as he fetches his phone from his pocket and turns on the front facing camera. He leans his head forward, all the way down so that I can stand just beside it. Well, a little bit in front of it too. I could use all the extra size I can get, even if it’s just from perspective.

“Is this our first selfie?” Aiden wonders after snapping a couple of shots.

“I think so!”

“Could we take some more later, without the makeup? Don’t get me wrong, I love what you did on yourself, but you look so pretty without it too.”

Whatever picture he took just then would be featuring me with widened eyes and a redder face. Lovely. Not embarrassing at all. Even though it’s been a week since we both admitted that we were interested in each other, not all that much has actually changed in most of our interactions. I’m still not quite used to this type of compliment.

“S-sure!” I try to say casually, and then in an effort to change the subject I add between snapshots, “Uhh, are these stored on the cloud or anything?”

“No, I never got around to setting that up… Oh, but I guess that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Don’t worry, I’ll be really careful about keeping pictures of you private.”

I thank him and go back to smiling for the camera. We’ve probably taken almost a dozen photos by now, just to make sure there’s a nice one in the batch. I shift my gaze to look at the display instead of the camera lens, and seeing myself on the phone screen… I can’t help feeling a little sad. I look so ridiculous next to him. Like a tiny action figure. Or just a smudge on his cheek.

After another moment I start stepping forward, wondering if getting even closer to the lens would help. Sure enough, the closer I get to the phone, the less puny I look. In fact… maybe I could…

I see Aiden frown from behind me, his expression reflected on the screen, as he tries to figure out what I’m doing. I’m walking right up to the device, until I stop juuuust in the right position. There we go. My head’s about the same size as his now.

The sight is striking, somehow. Or it would be, if the camera wasn’t currently struggling to figure out what to focus on. I’m so close that it can’t get a clear picture of the both of us - either I’m a blurry shape in the foreground, or then I move and become clear while he fades into obscurity. Even on a screen it’s like we don’t quite belong side by side.

“There.” His booming voice makes me flinch as his thumb suddenly presses the digital shutter button. He pulls up the picture he just took, right as the camera was refocusing, so that we both look equally blurry. He chuckles, “Perfect!”

I laugh too - it’s a little hollow, but not forced. I appreciate him so much.

I get a warning in the form of Aiden’s reflection suddenly growing larger on the phone screen, along with the sense of his sheer mass approaching me from behind, as quiet as a hot air balloon drifting in for a landing. He gently kisses my upper back, a gesture that happens from time to time now - it’s the one significant thing that has changed between us. Since I’m on my feet he hardly puts any pressure at all to avoid knocking me over, relying on me to push back against his lips instead. And I do, leaning into him with a more genuine giggle. He’s definitely succeeding in making me feel better.

We’ve been easing into this connection the two of us share. Not rushing it, letting the relationship bud at its own pace, especially since in retrospect it was a bit of weird timing to admit our feelings the day after he accidentally assaulted me. We haven’t really talked about that night since. For now we just enjoy the occasional lingering touch or extended eye contact, an affectionate comment here and there, and sometimes his lips find my back or the side of my head. I wouldn’t say that we’ve “properly” kissed yet as I’m still not sure exactly how to do that, and I don’t quite see ourselves as a “couple.” But whatever we are, I wouldn’t change a thing right now.

“Thanks for being a good sport,” I say as Aiden sits up again. “You can go clean it up. You might want to use makeup remover, I still have some in my bag.”

I briefly give him instructions on how to take off the eyeliner and he nods before responding, “Roger that. While I’m at it I should probably go put away some laundry, I’ve been putting that off… Need anything from me?”

“I’m good! I think I might study for a little bit, actually.” I motion to the Construction Technology spiral textbook that’s already sitting nearby on the desk. I’ve been getting a lot of interesting information from it, surprisingly, and I’m determined to finish reading it.

“You have fun with that,” Aiden says as he makes a face. Classes and studying are clearly the last thing he wants to think about now that he’s on summer break. And with that I’m left to my own devices for a little bit.

I’m glad this is the one textbook I have where I can easily turn the pages on my own, the laminated sheets both stiff and light enough for me to lift and push against. Before getting started, I pause to gaze at the cover for a moment. There in the corner, written in marker, is the name “Evie Ondine” - a relic from a time when I had much larger hands. It trips me out every single time I look at it.

I’m currently working my way through a chapter about prefabrication, and some of the examples are giving me ideas for how to independently package the minis I’m painting for my future business. I now have over twenty of the figurines ready to go and have some more blank ones on the docket - all that’s left is taking product photos and setting up a little packing station and I’ll be ready to launch in hopefully the next couple of weeks.

It wasn’t during such a calm afternoon that I expected disaster to strike.

It happens as I decide to go take a quick note about something I read - I’m keeping some paper nearby for just that purpose. I walk along the binding of the book, and as I step off of the laminated page, I slip on the slick plastic surface. My feet slide forward and the rest of me falls back, and I discover something I’d never noticed before. The wire that coils into a spiral and forms the binding of the textbook curls in on itself at the end. But the little loop extends slightly further than it should into a near imperceptible defect, even to me. And the tip of the metal spiral is very, very sharp.

I feel a sudden hot pain in my left calf. Disoriented, I look around myself, realizing I’m flat on my back now. My leg has passed right over the small knife-like point that was apparently protruding, leaving a long gash in my skin, from just above my ankle to just below my knee. Blood immediately begins pouring out, and I stop breathing at the sight of red quickly spreading onto the desk.

“Shit,” I curse under my breath. For a second the pain disappears as the adrenaline hits. What do I do?

The first aid kit. It’s on the opposite side of the desk from where my living space is, about a foot away from me now, though to me that means over twenty feet. I have to reach it. The pain is quickly returning but I flip onto my stomach anyway, fighting against the growing agony as I crawl forward. I glance over to the side as I drag myself, and I briefly notice the visual timer is actually a much closer target. A spin of that dial is apparently enough to make the thing beep loudly. I’ve still never used it… No, it’s fine, I just need to get to the bandages. All I need to do is stop the blood, I’ve got this. And I keep lurching forward, not thinking straight, just desperately pulling myself across the table.

I’m halfway there when Aiden walks by, a looming figure in the distance, casually strolling from his bedroom to the kitchen. I honestly hardly take notice of him, so incredibly intent on getting to the medical supplies first and foremost. For a split second he shoots me a passing smile, just a quick glance in my direction in the midst of his chores. But then he does a double take, looking back towards me again and freezing in place. For a second he’s very still, eyes widening as he processes my small figure that’s leaving behind a trail of red. And before I know it he’s rushing over to the desk without a word, flying into action.

Not a moment too soon. I’m in so much pain now that I’m struggling to breathe. I have to stop moving, and I crumble to my side as I reflexively clutch at my leg, which is completely covered in blood. There’s a flurry of movement above and around me - Aiden’s reached the first aid kit and he’s extracting a disinfecting wipe from its pouch as quickly as possible.

“Let me help, okay?” he says softly, tightly, and without waiting for an answer I feel his fingers pinch my ankle. I give in to his sudden authority over the situation, and I shield my face with my hands as the injured limb is lifted up. This is apparently the wrong move, though. The metallic smell of the blood that’s now all over my hands almost makes me vomit in my dizzied state. For a second I’m blasted back to a distant memory. The last day I spent in my house as a family of two. I remember the birthday cake on the floor, red ceramic and a red dress and red liquid spilling over my hands…

I’m snapped back to the present as I’m rolled onto my stomach so that Aiden can reach the back of my leg. And then I feel something cold and I can’t help it - I scream. The stinging of the disinfectant is excruciating. I curl in on myself, pressing my face into the ground, trying to muffle my own cries.

“Sorry, sorry…” Aiden whispers, and just a moment later the wet wipe is replaced by a dry gauze, “Are you able to hold this here? Tightly?”

I roll back onto my side and do as I’m told, clutching the tiny scrap of gauze that had thankfully been cut ahead of time for just this kind of emergency. I realize that putting pressure against the wound is important. Meanwhile my giant friend is moving quickly, smearing antibiotic ointment onto a fresh piece of gauze and prepping the already thinly sliced bandage.

“I’ve got it,” he says, taking over again and lifting my leg up high. I’m flipped back onto my stomach, and I bury my face in my arms as I try not to hyperventilate. He’s able to put on much more pressure than I am, though he’s careful not to crush the limb, and then he slowly begins wrapping the calf up. It’s surely a delicate process for him, my leg not much thicker than a matchstick.

The seconds drag by until finally the twelve minutes of terror are over. Aiden’s finished wrapping the wound and just lets my leg rest on top of his finger that’s sitting on the desk, keeping my foot elevated. I hear him exhale tremulously, and if anything the shaking in his hands is actually getting worse. Whatever forced calm he’d been able to summon in the thick of the crisis is crumbling away now. I’m breathing hard, still lying face down, gritting my teeth. The pain isn’t quite as bad as it was a few minutes ago, but god does this still hurt.

Finally there’s a slight tremor - one large elbow coming to rest on the desk as the giant leans back in. “You still with me?” he asks weakly.

I flash him one tiny thumbs up just to show him I haven’t in fact passed out. And then I slowly flip myself over, ankle rotating against the enormous finger as I keep it propped up. I lay on my back and raise my chin to gaze at him. He looks as pale and breathless as I feel.

“Yes,” I finally answer.

Aiden’s jaw clenches as his eyes pass over the length of me before meeting mine again. “We should get you to a hospital, Evie,” he says quietly.

“What?!” I gasp, my emotions heightened by the pain. “No, no, it’s fine! It’s not as bad as it looks… See? I can still move my leg fine. It hurts like a bitch, but it didn’t hit muscle or an artery or anything like that.”

“But what if you still need stitches or something?”

“I don’t. I got really scraped up from how I fell but it wasn’t that deep a cut. Look, the bandage isn’t overflowing. Maybe the bleeding’s already stopped.”

Aiden still looks doubtful. But I’m not just speaking out of fear - although that’s certainly part of it - I really do think this isn’t as serious as it might have appeared. Time will tell. If the bleeding doesn’t stop then we’ll reevaluate.

“I got my tetanus shot right before starting school,” I insist, “Let’s just… let’s just give it a minute before we rush into anything. Okay?”

I think I’ve convinced him, at least for the moment. He takes a deep breath in through his nose and now his gaze starts wandering over the surface of the desk. “What happened?” he asks.

With an unsteady hand I point vaguely towards the textbook. Yikes, there’s so much blood on the way. No wonder I feel so dizzy. “I fell on the tip of the… the spiral…” I say.

Aiden looks to where I’m motioning and reaches for the bottom of the book’s spine, thumbing the metallic end in question. Without a word he closes the pages and slides the entire thing off the desk, dropping it to the floor below. He takes in just how long the streak of red is that stretches across the desk.

Then he speaks again, and there’s a new edge to his voice now. “Why didn’t you call for me? I was just over there, you were right next to the timer. Why go all the way across the desk instead?”

I look away in shame. I hadn’t realized how ingrained my habits were. “I don’t know…”

There’s a long pause. A heavy sigh. “You have got to learn to ask for help, Eve.”

His frustration is all too clear. I haven’t stopped trembling since I cut myself, but the anxiety gets worse at his harsh tone. I grasp at words, trying to come up with an explanation. “I thought I had it, I… I just… I didn’t want to bothe–” I stop myself, knowing how stupid I was about to sound.

He fills in the blank anyway and raises his voice sharply, “Alright well it bothers me that you lost so much blood just now!”

“I’m sorry,” I whimper. My leg slips off of his finger and I fearfully curl into the fetal position, facing away from him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Aiden sighs, this time not out of frustration but out of guilt. His hand comes closer, not quite touching me but cupping to align with the curve of my spine. His ring finger softly makes contact with the top of my head.

“No, I’m sorry,” he says with a much more gentle tone, “I know this isn’t helping. Now’s not the time.”

He leans all the way down, resting his forehead on his hand so that he can be right above me, his face becoming my ceiling. His eyes are closed next to my head and I feel his exhale pass over my feet.

“That just really scared me,” he whispers.

I’m completely silent, still shaking, covered in a thin sheen of sweat, my new makeup smudged and mixing with the blood I’ve smeared on my face. My leg is throbbing. My mind is heavy with the reminder of how fragile my entire existence is. One wrong move is all it takes. We’re always just one small step away from all of this falling apart.

Another breeze rolls in through the window, mussing our hair, and this time it’s anything but pleasant. Right now it just feels cold.

[Olo]

@littlest-lily So good to see these two again! Too bad you had to make it so bleak for them.

Every Halloween I’m reminded I would be much better at applying makeup if I had regular practice. If I were Aiden’s age again I’d definitely play around with wearing it in public, especially if I had someone in my pocket for touch-ups.

Even after four months, voice modulation is still an issue for Aiden. He needs some non-threatening ways to express emotions.

[littlest-lily]

@Olo Halloween is the perfect time to practice makeup!

And yes, I hit the ground running with this one… I promise not every chapter will be so stressful lol

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 44
Aiden

It seems odd, somehow, that I hadn’t owned a magnifying glass before this, considering our circumstances. I guess I never saw a use for it, outside of just wanting to get a better look at her, which didn’t feel like a valid reason. But now that we have a new step in our daily routine I finally ended up buying one.

“It doesn’t look too red,” I mumble, leaning in further and squinting. Even magnified, the cut on Evie’s leg is so little - to me, at least. “How does it feel?”

“Still sore… but getting better,” she responds from her prone position on the dollhouse bed. I glance at her expression since her face is aimed in my direction, her cheek resting on folded arms. I think she’s being truthful, her smile looking far less pained today.

I return my attention to the thin line on her calf, looking for any signs of infection at the top of it, just shy of the back of her knee. Her entire lower half is under the magnifying glass, and it’s a little distracting. Don’t-stare-at-her-butt, don’t-stare-at-her-butt, don’t-stare-at–

I shake my head and force myself to look lower now, trying to pinpoint the other end of the cut near the teeny tiny bump of her ankle. I talk to keep myself on track. “Man, there are a lot of tendons that you could have hit and didn’t. You really lucked out.”

She laughs wryly. “Not sure I would call any of this lucky.”

“Yeah, that’s fair. Just trying to find the silver lining I guess…”

Once I’m satisfied that everything looks clean, I carefully start wrapping her leg back up with a fresh bandage. It’s a slow process, but I’ve been getting better at it, and propping the magnifying glass up so that I can look through it helps a lot.

“I’ve been experimenting with putting a little weight on it,” Evie muses, tapping her other foot absently as she keeps her injured leg still for me. “I bet if I tried to use those crutches again I could get around.”

It’s been four days since the accident, and I don’t blame her for going a little stir crazy. I tried making tiny crutches for her out of bent paper clips in the beginning, but her leg hurt so bad that it didn’t work out - holding her foot off the ground was too painful, and letting it drag was even worse. It doesn’t help that she hasn’t taken any kind of pain meds. We considered it at first, maybe shaving off a bit of tylenol from a pill or something. But playing around with drugs seemed dangerous since neither one of us knows what we’re doing, and in the end she assured me she could handle the pain.

So she’s been spending a lot of time in bed, and for everything else she’s relying on me to move her where she needs to go. Selfishly I do kinda enjoy that part, if we’re being completely honest - the part where I get to touch her more, not her misery at being immobile. Although I’m now all the more paranoid about accidentally hurting her. I’ve certainly been fine-tuning my ability to use a gentle grip, that’s for sure.

But in three days summer classes will start, which means my TA job will resume. I’d like to ask Moira to be here as much as possible while I’m gone, but it would probably still be better for Evie to get around by herself if she can.

I finish re-wrapping the little limb and put the magnifying glass down before responding to her desire to try walking. “Sure, I still have the paper clips handy… Here you go. Just be careful.”

She gets to a sitting position on her bed eagerly, swinging her legs over the edge as she holds a hand out for the makeshift crutches. She slowly stands up, balancing on one foot, and I hover my hands on either side of her, ready to catch her if she loses balance. She holds firm and tucks the metal supports under her arms, looking very determined. Then she takes one tentative step, wobbles, and grows a shade paler.

"Take it easy,” I say, “Wouldn’t want to rush into it and make it worse.”

Evie nods and steps back again so she can sit down. She sighs, looking disappointed, a rather heartbreaking sight. I touch my thumb to her downcast face and make an attempt at lightening the mood. “That’s still a whole lot of progress, Eve! I’m sure in the next day or two you’ll be able to make it. Besides, I don’t mind having to carry you around in the meantime.”

I purposefully made my tone a little suggestive and she catches on, looking up at me with a smirk. “You just like getting your hands all over me,” she teases.

"Like I said… just trying to find the silver lining.” I grin.

She chuckles and wraps her arms around my thumb, giving the side of it a little peck before leaning her cheek against it. It’s enough to send a pleasant shiver down my spine. She closes her eyes and exhales deeply.

“I hate this,” she suddenly confides. I lean in attentively - this is a rare vulnerable moment that I don’t take lightly. “Not this,” she clarifies, giving my thumb a little squeeze, “Just… I thought being small was bad enough. But I guess even then I was taking things for granted.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” I say softly, curling a couple of fingers around to support the back of her head and shoulders. “This really sucks. It’ll pass.”

She just nods and stares off into space. Poor thing. Evie already struggles enough with her lack of independence, but she’s really, truly helpless these days. I’ve moved some of her things right next to her bed so that she can eat and drink and have her phone handy, but anything where she has to stand up she needs me for. Even something as basic as getting dressed or going to the bathroom, I have to at least place her in the right spot for it before giving her privacy. I try to stay nearby all day just in case she needs help, but I can still tell by the quiver of her voice when she calls for me that she feels like an inconvenience, every time. No matter how much I tell her she’s not.

But I’ll say it as many times as it takes. “I know I’m probably sounding like a broken record. But for real, I promise I don’t mind bringing you things or carrying you places. Being able to help you makes me happy.”

Her brown doe eyes captivate me for a moment. As small as they are, they hold so much. There’s an odd expression on her face, one I can’t quite make out, hinting at all of the intricate layers hidden behind her smile.

And yet her tone is as lighthearted as can be. “Can you pick me up then?”

I perk up at the suggestion. “Sure! Where to?” I question, and I shift my fingers to pinch her torso from behind, so that I can start the delicate process of transferring her from the bed to my other hand.

“Nowhere in particular,” Evie says, arms gripping my fingers as she tenses from me lifting her up. When I gently deposit her on my palm, her legs are dangling off the side so that I can let her maneuver them in whatever way hurts the least. She slides herself back, bending her uninjured leg for stability, before she settles in the middle of my hand and looks back up at me. “I just want you to hold me. If that’s okay.”

Seriously now. How the hell is anyone supposed to resist that?

“Of course,” I say, lifting her higher so that I can bring her tiny forehead to my lips. I’m proud to feel her lean into the kiss without any kind of pained flinching. I’m getting better at this.

“You know… I’m really going to miss you when I go back to work,” I lament as I lower her back down with a half smile. “I mean, no one else lets me hold them like this.”

“Well. That’s a shame,” she responds with a laugh. “You’ll be seeing some of your old students though, yeah? And maybe it’ll be nice to have some structure back in your day.” I don’t say anything, mulling it all over. After a few seconds she cocks her head to the side and adds, “By the look on your face, I take it that’s not much comfort?”

“I’m honestly kinda nervous,” I admit, “I’ve been doing this TA thing since I started grad school, but I’ve only ever been involved with the pretty basic geology courses. This next one’s more advanced, plus it’s condensed into a summer class… I just hope I don’t let anyone down.”

Evie’s eyes are full of concern, and she runs a hand in a slow circle next to her on my palm. "Remember what the professor told you last semester? Wasn’t it, like, twenty students who specifically mentioned to her how much you helped them with the class? Do you know how insane that is, that so many people would go out of their way like that? I literally can’t imagine you letting anyone down for anything. You’re your own worst critic, but you’re going to do an amazing job this summer, I can feel it!” She smiles encouragingly and then she shifts towards my ring finger beside her to take it in both hands. “I’m sorry you’re stressed about it though, I know I’d be nervous too…”

Ugh, my heart can’t take this. Even though she’s been dealing with all of her own problems, here she is trying her utmost to comfort me. She always knows the exact right thing to say when I’m down… And I love the way her arms consistently manage to find their way wrapped around one of my fingers… She’s such a sweet girl.

“Thank you," I say with a nod, "You’re right, it’ll be fine. Still gonna miss you though.” I bring her back up to my face and just keep her close, the bridge of my nose becoming her chin rest as she leans on me.

“It goes without saying that I’ll miss you too,” she says softly, “But we’ve got this.”

I sigh while doing my best to hold still. I really want to keep snuggling, but I also don’t want to monopolize the evening. I eventually straighten up and hold my little friend in front of me to ask, “So, what would you like to do tonight? Want to watch a movie or something?”

Evie glances out towards the living room and she seems a bit distracted when she faces me again. “Mmm, maybe a little later… Can we still go to the couch though?"

I tilt my head as I look at her curiously, wondering at her tone. Clearly something’s going on behind those eyes. It’s like she’s somehow both intensely focused on me and a million miles away. With a cautious slowness I get up to do as she requests, relocating to the nearby couch.

“What’s on your mind?" I decide to ask as I sit back down.

Evie’s expression shifts as suddenly her cheeks flush now that I’ve called her out. “If… if you’re okay with it, I…" There’s a pause, and it’s starting to make me nervous in turn. Finally she forces it out, “I’d like to try again with… with me laying on your chest.”

I blink, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “You sure?"

“Yeah. You seem pretty awake today, right?"

I bite my lip and can feel my own cheeks flushing, though it’s mostly in embarrassment as the memories start creeping back up. “Right…”

“We don’t have to though," she says quickly, and there’s a subtle tremble to her body as she redistributes her weight in my hand. “Will it make you uncomfortable?”

The thought of cuddling together is insanely alluring. I’m happy to know I’m not the only one feeling particularly touchy-feely right now. But at the same time, the memories are back in full force at this point, haunting me with a vengeance. I feel sick with shame as I recall her terrified cries and the stress of the conversation that had followed.

“Maybe?” I finally concede, “But I guess I wouldn’t mind… trying."

Evie tightens her grip on my finger. “I know things didn’t go well at the time, but right before… it happened, I was really, really enjoying things.”

I smile despite the nerves. “I’m so happy to hear that. Okay. Let me just…”

Holding the tiny girl in my palm as steadily as possible, I lift my legs up onto the couch as I pivot. Slowly I lower myself back until my neck is leaning against the armrest, and then I let my occupied hand rest just above my diaphragm. Using my available fingers, I very carefully help guide my small passenger onto my chest.

“There you go,” I say, “Feel okay?”

“Yes.” She lowers into a lying position, just like she had that night, resting on her stomach as she stays propped up on her elbows. “Yeah, I’m good… Are you though? Your heart rate is really picking up, is this scaring you?”

“N-no. I mean, maybe a little bit, but… I don’t think that’s why my heart rate’s picking up.”

We’re both nervous now, I can see a wave of anxiety pass over her as her blushing expands to her ears. It’s taking an immense amount of self control to keep my breathing slow and steady since I don’t want to jostle her. This is a lot. My body remembers what happened last time. A part of me still sees myself as a menace. But at the same time… her warm little weight lying on me, as light as a flower, it’s just…

I let out an awkward breath of laughter. “Sorry, it’s just kinda intimate.”

She nods and lowers herself all the way down until her chin is resting on her arms. She manages a weak smile as she looks straight at me. “That’s what I like about it, though.”

As usual, her smile elicits mine. “Yeah, me too.”

“Is this the kind of stuff that you would fantasize about?”

Ah. I wasn’t expecting her to bring that up. We haven’t really talked much about my “fantasies,” I’m far too self conscious to bring it up myself. Doesn’t exactly help that she’s right on the money… If my heart wasn’t racing before, it certainly is now.

“Yep,” I admit, “This is exactly the kind of thing.”

Evie hums to herself with an absent nod. “I can get behind that…”

Something about the way she says it gives me another pang of embarrassment. “Did you think it’d be something… worse?”

“I don’t really know what to think, to be honest. I’m still not sure I understand the appeal.”

I’m starting to fidget nervously as I gaze just past her. Maybe this was all a really bad idea. I don’t even know if this counts as cuddling, and instead it’s bringing up all sorts of guilt and fear and awkwardness. My fingers find their way to the little woman lying on me, mindful about touching the leg that’s uninjured. Taking a second to ground myself, I grasp her tiny foot between finger and thumb, softly running the digits over the minute bone of her ankle and up the curve of her calf. To my surprise, she sighs contentedly at this. It gives me the strength to speak.

“I-I can try to answer whatever questions you have. It’s sorta hard to explain, and there are a lot of different facets to it. Um…”

I take a deep breath. And I try to push past the embarrassment. Communicate, Aiden… Talk to her…

“So… I guess one of the first things that I realized when I was younger was this… Sometimes life feels like it’s out of your control. When you’re a kid, you’re at the mercy of your parents and the other adults in your life, they’re the ones who have the ultimate say on everything. They decide what school you go to, what’s for dinner, who you get to hang out with. If your parents are in the military, you might have to move around a lot. If you have a friend who’s going through something shitty, you’re just a kid who can’t really do anything to help them. Even as you grow up you realize that your ability to make a difference is so limited.

"So the thought of having a tiny friend was almost a way of… coping. Having a secret companion, someone I could actually protect and take care of when it felt like everything else was spiraling out of control. I just found the idea incredibly comforting.”

I glance down at Evie and she’s looking at me with wide eyes. “Whoa. I never would have thought of something like that.”

I’m suddenly struck by the irony of what I just said. If anyone’s life has spiraled out of their control, it’s hers. Maybe on some level she can relate.

“Reality’s a little different,” I say, and my finger starts making its way from her leg to her shoulders, trailing up the side of her body. “Try as I might, it’s not like I’m able to take care of you as well as I’d like. I can’t protect you from everything… clearly."

I pause. I’m certainly focusing on some of the deeper realizations I’ve had about the kink, without quite addressing the more simple aspects of this too. Might as well be fair so I add, "But hey, if nothing else, I also can’t help thinking you look really, really cute like this. So there’s that too.” I pat the top of her head as I manage a smirk.

She smiles in response but otherwise doesn’t address the latter comment. She seems to deliberate for a moment before she says in a low tone, “Don’t underestimate how much you do for me, Aiden… I’d be completely lost without you.”

I can see how hard it is for her to admit that and my heart aches. It’s such a paradox. Loving her this little. Wishing I could restore her. Wanting her to be happy. Wanting her to be mine.

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short,” I say encouragingly, “Considering everything you’ve been through, you’ve been handling yourself incredibly well.” I shift my hand so that I can cover the entire length of her with it, like a quilt draping over her back. “And I’m happy to always be here for you whenever you need me. Okay?”

Her smile widens. Then she leans forward to press her lips against the floor beneath her, and despite there being a shirt in the way I can feel the kiss on my chest. A pinprick of warmth seems to bloom at that tiny point of contact and spreads across my entire body. “Thank you,” she says affectionately, nuzzling her cheek against me.

Alright, maybe laying here together wasn’t such a bad idea after all. We’re both clearly feeling more refreshed after that talk, and Evie lifts her head. “I think I’m ready to watch something now. Is it alright if we stay like this?”

I beam at her and press my fingers into a gentle hug around her body. “I’d love that.”

[Olo]

@littlest-lily I really can’t wait to hear Evie’s inner thoughts about all of this.

At some point every kinkster has had an internal dialogue, rehearsing how to explain their kink to someone whose opinion matters to them. Sometimes they actually get to present their kink the way they like, but more often some unanticipated event brings it up and they have to improvise. Of course, even if Aiden had planned to introduce the topic to Evie, the whole thing was derailed by his half-conscious womanhandling. Letting her ask questions and limiting his answers to just those questions (as opposed to trying to compose some Unified Size Kink Theory) seems the safest tactic.

I repeat my devout hope that no one suggests to Evie that she should “just look it up on the Internet.”