Out of their Element

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 48
Evie

“Hey, Moira?”

I try to time my question for when my petite-but-still-enormous friend isn’t so concentrated on the detail work that she’s in the middle of. She’s been very focused on painting a mug and has just set down her brush to look over her progress. But she shoots me a warm smile the second I say her name.

“What’s up?”

“Do you like camping?” I pause in the middle of my own painting work. This is one of those rare occasions where all three of Mo’s roommates are out at the same time, so I’m hanging out at her place for once. We just had dinner and are getting some work done for our Etsy shops while Aiden’s out with a couple of friends.

Moira leans an elbow on the table as she ponders this. “I haven’t done a whole lot of it. I like being outside, but… I don’t really love the whole tent thing. Why? Is Aiden planning on bringing you on one of his camping trips?”

“No, not really. We keep talking about it as if we’ll do it one day, but I think it’s mostly wishful thinking. I’ve never camped before… I’d love to try it, but it’s probably not a good idea.”

“Hmm, because of the critters and stuff?”

“And the close quarters. Not sure where I’d sleep in a one-person tent. Maybe in a box or something.”

“Well, if you’re going to try camping with anyone, I think he’d be the one to do it with. Even if I knew what I was doing, it’s not like I’m ever able to take time off.”

I feel suddenly derailed by this detail. “Aww, Mo! When’s the last time you took a vacation?”

“Um…” Moira idly taps a finger against the surface of the table. “Trips like the one to Florida don’t count?”

“Nope. Something not work related.” I’ve left the mini I was working on to take a few steps closer to her. I drape my forearms onto hers, looking up at her expectantly.

“It’s probably been years then…” She gives me a half smile and shrugs her shoulders. “I’ve got big dreams. Gotta put in the time so I can reach them.”

“I really, really admire you for that,” I say, and this time I lean forward to rest my chin on her arm too. “But I’m worried you’ll burn out. No matter how much yoga and Tai Chi you do. We should all go on a trip somewhere!”

She lets out a little laugh. “The three of us? I’m down.” In a gentle yet playful gesture she reaches over to poke the top of my head. “Though you sure I wouldn’t just be in the way?”

My mouth snaps shut. I can feel myself blushing fervently. Has she figured out that Aiden and I…?

Thankfully I’m spared answering her when there’s an unfamiliar dinging sound that splits the air. Moira gasps, “Oh oh oh! Evie, look! You’ve got an order!”

I immediately pivot, whipping around to where she’s pointing. I have my phone propped up a short distance away, and there’s a notification from the Etsy app that has lit the screen up.

“Oh my god,” I breathe, putting a hand to my mouth. “It’s my first one.” I just made the Bitty Forge storefront public yesterday. I had no idea how long it would take for someone to buy something.

“Really?! Congrats, girl!”

I’m hurrying over to my phone now to open up the app and see which of the figurines was purchased. Gnome bard. Yeah, I was pretty proud of that one. Soon she’ll have a new home in Nebraska. My mind’s already busy with the fact that I’ll need to write out a receipt and pack up the mini tomorrow - it’s one of the smaller ones so I’m pretty confident I can do it myself. I’ll have to rely on Aiden to mail it out for me, but thankfully the post office is about a block away from home, the plan is for him to drop packages off on the way to work. Holy crap… it’s happening. I can actually make money at this size!

While I’m fussing over that, Moira’s own phone buzzes and she swiftly answers the call. “Hey! You all done with dinner?”

I can’t quite make out everything that he’s saying, but I recognize Aiden’s voice on the other end of the line. I abandon what I was doing and quickly start packing up the paints and materials I’d just been using. Once Mo’s off the phone, she helps me gather up the rest and then escorts me out of her apartment building.

Even though the sun is setting and it’s getting darker, I can tell which car we’re heading towards from afar. The glass window on the driver’s side starts lowering, my bright-eyed roommate smiling from within. He quickly notices me poking my head out from my usual spot in the purse-carrier, and after a brief glance around to make sure no one’s there, he reaches a hand out preemptively as we make our way over to him.

“Guess who got her first sale!” Moira sings, carefully lifting me out of her bag and holding me up, as if displaying a child’s artwork, before she hands me over.

“Oh shit! That’s awesome, Evie!” Aiden’s beaming now as I hop onto his palm, and I feel like I’m melting as our eyes meet and he guides me into the car. I can tell he was about to bring me right to his mouth but thought better of it… We really do just need to tell Moira already. It feels like we’ve been waiting for some sort of event to mark our relationship as something official, but maybe that’s silly.

We say goodbye to our friend, and soon I’m sitting in a pocket, cheek pressed up against the giant’s chest as I snuggle into him and drink in his warmth. I hear a thump outside the thick wall that lines the pocket. I think Aiden’s still getting used to the fact that there’s a barrier there whenever he’s driving.

“Hey,” he says enthusiastically, “Would you be down to go out somewhere?”

I glance up. “Right now?”

“Yeah! I want to celebrate you starting your own business. It’s pretty amazing, you know.”

“Aww thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you. And now I can actually earn my keep!"

He sighs softly but jokes along. “Good thing too. I was thiiiis close to kicking you out.”

I grin and snuggle deeper into his shirt. “I’d love to go somewhere with you.”

“Okay, great! I have just the place in mind.”

He takes me to “Kleine Blume,” which is a beer garden of some sort. At least that’s what he calls it, but he explains it’s more like a small restaurant with mostly outdoor seating. I’m a little surprised, we’ve never actually eaten at a restaurant before, always opting to get takeout. But we’ve both already had dinner so a meal can’t be why we’re here anyway. I remain firmly out of sight as I hear the buzz of many titans’ conversations in the distance, until the noise begins to die down somewhat as it feels like Aiden turns a corner. A few moments later we descend, so I figure he’s now sitting, and then the pocket buckles inward as he’s able to touch me through the fabric now that the plastic barrier’s gone.

“Come on out!" He’s speaking openly, even if it’s still at a low volume. I tentatively get to my feet, peering out at our surroundings, vast and open. Me standing up seems to be signal enough for giant fingers to reach right in and pinch me around the torso. I flinch as I grab at his hand reflexively, feeling nervous since he’s picking me up before I got a good look around.

“This place is private?” I ask, but I quickly see that there’s no one in sight in the vicinity. We’re at one of four wooden tables, the rest of them empty. There’s a small building a short distance away - although to me it’s a massive building that’s quite far. The commotion seems to be coming from beyond it, with mostly just soft acoustic guitar reaching our location from some kind of live music set.

“Most of the tables are on the other side of this building,” Aiden confirms, “Plus it’s pretty dark. Figured we’d be okay back here.”

He’s right, it’s quickly becoming dim now that the sun has set. The tables in the area are all candlelit, though, which is really nice. The glow that’s coming from the inside of the building makes it a little less difficult to see, too. I’m quickly relaxing at the peaceful feeling of the space.

“I used to come here a lot in my first year of grad school,” Aiden says, watching me with a smile as I explore the width of the table. “It’s a nice place to study during the day, not sure why I stopped coming. Want to get a drink?”

I come up to the sprawling menu and glance over it curiously. There’s a small section for food and a much larger section for alcohol - apparently it’s not just beer. “Um, I’m good,” I respond, feeling the thick paper beneath my bare feet as I pad my way along the edge of it. “You feel free to, though.”

“You sure? Come to think of it… You’ve never really shared an interest in drinking, have you?”

I bristle, suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable, and I step off of the menu. “Yeah, I’m not a fan…” I say evenly, walking towards the candle instead so that I can gaze at its flame. “I have my own reservations about alcohol. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have some!”

There’s the slight creaking of wood below my feet as Aiden leans more of his weight onto the table. “I don’t have to get anything alcoholic,” he insists, “And you don’t have to talk about it, but…” A fingertip brushes me between the shoulder blades. “You know you can tell me anything, yeah?”

I pivot, turning back towards him like a magnet drawn to iron. Such an odd thing, how he towers above me like a monstrous predator and yet I feel so safe around him… Large swaths of my past are sensitive subjects that I desperately avoid, but this one shouldn’t be too bad. I can talk about this.

“Thanks,” I say with a smile, “I um… I…”

Well… I thought I’d be able to talk about it. But nothing’s coming out.

The candlelight dances in Aiden’s eyes as he moves a bit closer and gently prompts, “Did someone you know tend to drink a bit too much?”

“My dad. Apparently,” I finally say with a nod. And now that he’s coaxed this much out of me, the rest comes more easily. “He didn’t get violent or anything, as far as I can remember. He passed away when I was really young so I don’t recall much… But I was always told that alcohol was a bad thing growing up.”

The giant frowns sympathetically. “I see. I can understand how seeing someone else drinking might be a little triggering then?”

Something shifts inside me. That simple moment of recounting and reflecting gives me a sensation I wasn’t expecting. A catharsis, and a determination to move on.

“Actually, not really,” I say, “I never saw him do it, I was just told he did. My mom would get angry if I ever got curious about it.” I pause and then add, “You know what, nevermind. I want to try it. Let’s get a drink!”

“You sure?” Aiden asks again, this time with a budding smile.

“Yes,” I reply confidently.

“Okay. I promise I won’t overdo it, I’ll need to drive back anyway. So if you’re not used to drinking, let’s get something that’s not too strong? Daiquiris aren’t usually bad, they’re more like dessert. There are a couple of different options here…”

I hurry back over to the menu, still unable to move as quickly as I’d like due to my leg, and now I’m feeling a growing excitement at trying something new. We make a selection and Aiden spots a fellow giant in the distance that he waves over. He hides me in a closed hand under the table so that he can order the cocktail, and then a few minutes later there’s a twelve foot cocktail glass on the table.

The fruity scents of the pineapple daiquiri drift down to where I’m standing. “This feels like a tropical summer evening on a beach,” I comment contentedly, enjoying a gentle warm breeze that’s passing through.

“We just need the sounds of the ocean,” Aiden agrees, and he’s busy sealing one end of the straw with a finger so that he can extract some of the sugary drink for me. He lowers it down to where I’m standing before glancing up towards the sky. “I wonder if they’re going to…”

He trails off and doesn’t finish his sentence, but I’m too distracted by the deliciously smelling black tube that is now hovering next to me. I take it in both hands, noticing the dome of a giant droplet of liquid just inside. Stuff like surface tension still weirds me out sometimes, but not enough to stop me from taking a sip from the drop.

“Oh… damn that’s good!” I say eagerly, until the burn hits. Wowza. It’s not horrible, just very different from what I’m used to.

“Glad you like it,” Aiden chuckles, taking a sip of his own straight from the glass. “Let’s not have you go overboard now!”

The heat that’s now in my stomach tells me I don’t think that will be a problem. I look up towards my towering friend, and I realize just how dark it’s gotten. I’d only be seeing his silhouette if it wasn’t for the candlelight casting a warm glow on his skin. I’m just about to comment on it getting harder to see when it happens.

As if a stage play were coming to life, the entire area gets bathed in gentle illumination. Countless strands of string lights have turned on far above us like a plethora of stars covering the night sky.

“There it is,” says my gigantic companion with satisfaction. I feel his eyes on me as I look wildly around at the hundreds of lights above us. They’re so beautiful. Now I definitely feel like I’m on some magical summer vacation. A rather romantic one at that…

We continue to sip away at the treat, chatting avidly the entire time. Aiden tells me a lively story about the first time he got really drunk, off of cheap beer and expensive whiskey, with people he hardly knew. The tale includes multiple park fountains, a group of math professors, and one very territorial pigeon, and by the end I’m laughing so hard that I almost fall over. I don’t think I’m actually getting tipsy at this point, just… high off of joy, I guess. This is turning into a great night.

My drinking partner’s currently focusing on his phone, scrolling through his photos to find the one someone took of him climbing out of the fountain. I allow myself to stare at him, feeling my face flush the longer I do so.

Despite spending so much time looking down at me, he still manages to have such good posture, his shoulders broad and strong. The golden lights make his skin look so warm and inviting, as if beckoning me to snuggle against him. For a moment I focus on his face. He has such fine features - I wouldn’t call them feminine, but they’re still unobtrusive, leaving nothing to distract from the beauty of his eyes. The way the tiny string lights reflect in the hazel make them look like portals to heaven. God, have I always found him this attractive? Or is it because I’ve come to adore this person more than anything else on the planet?

“Have I ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are?" It’s only once I hear it come out of my mouth that I realize I just said that out loud. The giant looks up from his phone to meet my gaze, looking surprised. I didn’t mean to say it, maybe I should be feeling embarrassed. But I’m not.

Aiden sets his phone down, the search for the photo forgotten. But as he shifts all of his attention to me it’s clear that he’s not sure how to respond, just managing to summon a shy, quizzical smile. That’s alright, I can take up the mantle again. I get to my feet and reach a hand up in his direction.

“Can you come down here?” I ask.

He doesn’t hesitate then, folding his arms on the table and lowering his head in one smooth motion. His eyes never leave mine, and I almost feel dizzy at the sight of his approach. He’s so massive and yet so careful, so conscious of his every movement. I step up to him without any reservation as he tilts his face to settle his cheek against the back of his hand. I reach out to pet the bridge of his nose, one caring stroke before I lean my forehead against it.

“I used to find you so intimidating, at first,” I mumble, “That’s so weird to think about.”

“I can’t exactly blame you,” Aiden says softly.

“Still, it feels like so long ago. Little did I know that I was in the best hands possible. I love spending time with you, Aiden. I could have ended up with anyone… But I’m so thankful it was with you.”

I hear his happy exhale, like quiet laughter. Suddenly I feel his finger against my spine, creating a soft pressure that makes every muscle in my back relax. I didn’t see his hand approach but I still sensed its warm presence - I’ve gotten so accustomed to it - and I don’t startle in the slightest.

“You’re such a sweetheart," he murmurs, his voice wavering slightly with emotion, “You make me so happy, Evie.”

I pull away from him for a moment, stepping back to better meet his gaze. “Can I try something?"

He inclines his head in response, a curious smile narrowing his eyes. I walk along his face, letting my fingers trail against his nose, until I reach his mouth. I hesitate for only a moment before coming closer… and gently kissing his upper lip.

His reaction is immediate. The soft pink skin is suddenly gone as Aiden inhales sharply and lifts his head back up. He’s still quite close, his chin hovering maybe an inch above the table, but he’s pulled back far enough to get a good look at me. He looks completely taken aback, as shocked as if I’d bitten him.

I can’t help giggling at the flabbergasted look on his face. I’ve let him kiss me so many times now, but it was always on my back or on the top of my head or something. This is the first time I’ve attempted to truly kiss him back.

“Could you even feel that?" I ask with amusement.

He breathes in, holds it, breathes out again, still staring at me intently. “Yes," he says, and I notice how flushed his cheeks are. He puts a hand just behind me, cupping it around my frame before breathlessly repeating, “Yes…"

He starts to lean forward again, and his palm pushes against my back. I stumble forward, and my heart starts racing, and his mouth is swooping in. It doesn’t feel too forceful, his guiding hand is gentle, and then his lips embrace me in a way they never have before.

I close my eyes, focusing on the physical sensations. It starts out soft and familiar, warm pressure against my cheek, shoulder, arm. Then it moves down and envelops my chest and stomach. Back up, and he covers more of my face now, and I don’t care that my own lips probably feel more like pinpricks to him - I kiss him, again and again and again. In response I hear - and feel - the softest moan. He’s always been careful about not getting any saliva on me, but he’s more passionate this time, and as he moves lower along my body his lips part just enough that I feel a dampness against the hem of my shirt. Warm air passes over my stomach, sweet from the pineapple on his breath. I take all of it in avidly, pressing myself into him, yearning for more.

I had wondered before, and now I have my answer… This is how we kiss. It’s not just his mouth against my mouth, it’s so much more than that. It’s like a dance where I use my entire body, it’s his essence blending into mine. It’s overwhelming, exhilarating, comforting, all at once. After a minute has passed, even though I’m nowhere near intoxicated by alcohol, I feel drunk with the sensation of his skin against my own.

We don’t go on for much longer than that - the giant finally pulls away from me and I slump backwards, landing on the slope of his palm and letting myself sprawl out as I try to catch my breath. Aiden lifts me up, continuing to hold me so close, unable to keep an elated grin off his face. I’m beaming right back. And then we’re laughing, soft chuckles that fill the air and frolic amongst the twinkling lights above us.

[Olo]

@littlest-lily

[Mo] helps me gather up the rest and then escorts me out of her apartment building.

Sounds very dignified.

G/t kissing is special, and I’m glad we got this from Evie’s POV. Now do you get the appeal, Evie?

[littlest-lily]

@Olo She’s certainly warming up to the idea hehe

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 49
Evie

My boyfriend stands at the end of the bed, a crooked smile bringing a gentle warmth to his face. His brilliant blue eyes trail across the length of my body, hungry and eager. He was just in the middle of getting changed, so he’s currently shirtless, every toned and bulging muscle in his upper body on full display. I match his smile from my position sprawled on the bed, marveling at the sight of him. I’ve always thought that if he just let those platinum blonde locks of his grow out a little bit that he’d easily be able to pass off as a movie star.

And yet he’s the one looking at me with quite the lustful stare. “You look like something out of a painting,” he observes with a soft, deep voice. “My very own piece of art.”

These days the average person might think I’m a little bit underweight, actually. Up until not so long ago I’d been on my feet all day for my job, and I also didn’t have much opportunity to eat while working so… I’ve lost some weight in recent years. Of course I happen to be aware that my man prefers me slender, so I’m pretty careful about my diet anyway.

“You’re not so bad yourself, sir,” I say, stretching my arms over my head languidly and further tangling myself in the sheets.

He strolls around the corner of the bed so that he can reach me. He sits on the edge of the mattress and lays a hand over my abdomen, fingers splayed. Then he leans in, his head hovering above mine.

“How about you and I play a little game of dress up, hm? You still haven’t tried on that green dress.”

I laugh quietly at how excited he’s getting. “Can it wait until after dinner?” I ask, “It’s getting late.” I’m trying not to call him out too blatantly on how it was already 7pm when he got home from work.

“Oh… Darling.” His fingers grip me a little tighter, digging into my skin ever so slightly. “Are you really going to let me down like that?”

My blood turns to ice in my veins.

~~*

I had a nightmare last night. A series of them, really. They’re a bit of a blur now, but I can still remember bits and pieces. Our old apartment. The lush, secluded forest. The diner I used to work at.

I wouldn’t dare mention anything about the dreams out loud, but they have been haunting me throughout the entire day. For better or worse, though, I’ve been spending a whole lot of time alone today. Aiden had his TA class in the morning, extended office hours in the afternoon, and right after that he’s going out for a friend’s birthday. Moira was going to at least be here during the day, but then she ended up sick with a stomach bug. I insisted to my roommate that he should still go out and enjoy himself, that even though my leg has actually been hurting a little worse recently, I’ll still be fine on my own. He ultimately agreed but reassured me that he’d be back right after dinner.

Despite making some progress on painting minis and successfully packing up two new orders, I’m struggling. I don’t have much appetite. I startle easily at the slightest noise outside. It feels like an old ghost from my past has settled heavily onto my shoulders, deciding to haunt me relentlessly. It’s probably a good thing I’m by myself, actually.

"Hello, little girl. Are you lost?”

"Heh, come on, stop that. Hey, I’m almost legal now! I’m so excited. Then we won’t have to be so secretive on date nights like this.”

“Mmm, but I kind of like having you as my little secret… Here, let me get that for you. Shall we, darling?”

I chase the memory away, feeling nauseous. I toss my paintbrush onto a towel and go to my phone. Just gotta stay distracted. Keep the lid on. The background on the device is one of the pictures Aiden and I took together. Focus on him. This is who I’m with now. It’s nothing like back then. We genuinely care about each other, this is real.

My gaze slips to the picture of myself, standing there next to his face. That’s really how I look to the rest of the world, isn’t it? So small and pathetic…

Not that he minds.

Tears fall over my cheek out of nowhere. I wipe them away furiously. I haven’t allowed myself to think about this particular fear since I first found out about Aiden’s kink… Stop it, stop it. I’m more than just my size to him. I know that. Why can’t I trust it? I turn away from the phone.

“Wait, please… stop…”

“Oh. I’m sorry. Is that not to your liking, princess?”

“It… it hurts…”

“Hmm, that’s a shame. How about this then?”

“Ow, ow–!”

“What was that? Don’t tell me you’re not enjoying this. Are you really still so sensitive, darling? Do I need to toughen you up?"

“N-no… no. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“That’s better. There’s a good girl.”

I clutch the sides of my head. “Stop,” I hiss out loud. That’s enough. Just because some old memories came back to me in a dream doesn’t mean I can let them dominate me like this. It’s all from so long ago, it’s so far away. That part of my life is over, and I can’t let old fear poison my current relationship… I go back to my old mantra. Don’t give up. Fight back. Work harder.

I turn on some music, go back to painting. And I continue to desperately shove all of my anxiety as deep underground as I can. I’m fine.

I’m so relieved when Aiden finally returns. I’m feeling pretty exhausted at this point and all I want is for him to hold me. I silently tell him as much, tugging on his forefinger as soon as it comes within my vicinity, and then pushing his hand open so that I can climb into it for him to pick me up. He happily greets me with a warm touch and a soft kiss.

“How was it?” I ask him, “Were things winding down by the time you left?”

“Nope,” he laughs, nuzzling into me with a happy sigh, “They’ll be out drinking for hours yet.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with them?”

“I’m sure. I love Diego like a brother, but he can be way too much sometimes. I’d rather be home with you.”

I ask him more about his day and he tells me. With a smile I’m reclining in his hand, my back leaning against the wall of his fingers as I listen and let my mind escape for a little bit. I figuratively walk through his schedule with him, posing the occasional question to lengthen the process.

By the end of it he’s holding me a tad lower, and then he looks me over. “You doing alright?”

Damnit. I wasn’t even saying much of anything, but he can already sense that something’s up. “Just a bit tired,” I say evasively.

“Oh… Did you want to get some sleep then? I don’t want to keep you up.”

Aiden’s lowering me further, back down to the desk, and I’m starting to think he might have a point. As much as I enjoy him, maybe some rest would do me good after the stresses of the day. I slide off his hand with a stumble, flinching at the pain in my leg from stepping on it weird. That certainly doesn’t help things. I just wish this damn injury would be over and done with already. The lingering pain has recently been making us worry that it’s not healing right, or that it might have some hidden infection after all.

I sit onto my bed with a sigh and when I look back up, I freeze at the sight of the giant’s face. He’s looking just past me, eyes unfocused, with an expression that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before. Not from him, at least. But it’s clear as day. Disappointment. He was looking forward to coming home and spending time with me. And now I’m failing him.

The heavy ghost of my nightmares tightens its grip on me. I feel a pain in my chest and my breath starts coming in more shallow. I can’t… I can’t let this just…

“I said I’m a bit tired,” I suddenly remark, catching his attention again. He perks up and it draws more out of me. I’m not even sure what I’m saying, it’s as if someone else is in the driver’s seat. “I got a lot of business stuff done today, it was more work than I thought it’d be… Maybe I just need some TLC.” I lay back on the bed, looking up at him suggestively.

Aiden smiles, reinvigorated and intrigued. “Well… I think I can help you there. If you like.”

He brings a finger up to gently brush the side of my face and the length of my neck. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This is… nice, really. After the day I’ve had, maybe this is what I need after all. And it’ll make him happy, which is necessary. Er… I mean… it’s important. Important to me. Because I care about him. Obviously.

Anxiety continues to swirl at the pit of my stomach. My body starts moving of its own accord. I turn on my bed to encircle my arms around the me-sized index finger and kiss the lines of his fingerprint. His other hand joins in to softly massage my back, and I manage to let out a genuine sigh of pleasure. I’m still holding onto his finger and start wrapping my legs around it too.

Aiden chuckles. “Whatcha doing there, little monkey?”

“Just trying to touch you with as much of me as I can,” I say, clinging to him tightly. The pressure against my back strengthens and I sigh contentedly again.

“How can I make you feel good?” the giant murmurs. His tone is relaxed but clearly edging on seductive.

I’m not quite sure how to answer right now. “How can I make you feel good?” I counter, turning my head to look at him with my best attempt at a smirk.

“I asked first,” he laughs, “If I can help give you any kind of pleasure, that makes me feel good.”

Great. As kind as I know he’s being, now I have performance anxiety. Mechanically I take a slow breath, loosening my grip on him so that I can settle onto my back again. There’s a part of me that knows I should stop this. We’ve never gone farther than kissing and I’m pushing too hard, clearly forcing it. But I can’t really hear that part of me right now. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’ve pulled the hem of my shirt up a couple of inches, revealing a thin strip of bare skin. Aiden follows my cue and carefully touches the space, creating a tickling against my stomach.

I close my eyes. Take the finger between both hands. And I start pulling the digit up. Along the length of my abdomen. Slipping under my shirt. Covering up more of my skin.

“Wait, hold on.”

My eyes fly open, and the pain in my chest tightens. I look up to see Aiden’s brow is slightly furrowed. “You’re really tense. Are you okay, am I hurting you?”

“No!” I say quickly, plastering a reassuring smile on. “Not at all, I’m fine. Come on.” I try to pull his finger again but it holds firm.

“Is… something wrong, Eve?” He’s still frowning. Shit.

“No, really, I’m fine! Please. I want you…”

Trapped in a vortex of anxiety, I yank on the giant digit, try to press it against my breasts, anything to get his attention again. Anything to please him. But it has the opposite effect - Aiden pulls his hand away completely. My arms grasp at air for a second, and I shoot up into a seated position on the bed.

He settles his hand right next to the bed and leans in a bit closer to get a better look at me. His brow is still creased, he looks worried. “We don’t have to move so quickly. Clearly you’re uncomfortable, Evie. What’s up? Talk to me.”

Panic is blooming inside me, as much as I’m trying to maintain a calm facade. That quiet, more rational part of my brain is admonishing me. Of course it wouldn’t work with Aiden. He’s nothing like the ghost of my past. What was I expecting? But then the louder, more primal part of me is very insistent.

“I thought this might be part of your… fantasies?” I try, again forcing a smile. “Aren’t you into this?”

His frown deepens, each misguided attempt making things worse and worse. “I’m not into you forcing yourself,” he says plainly.

My hands have started shaking. Every alarm bell is ringing.

“Please… I’ll do anything," I say quietly.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?"

“It’s not… Nothing’s wrong. I’m sorry, it’s fine. Please just let me–”

I slide off of the bed, reach out for his nearby fingers like it’s my salvation. But before I can reach him he pulls away again, sliding his hand all the way to the edge of the desk. This time when I look up at him, the worried expression also holds an edge of frustration.

"Stop,” he says, “I’m sorry, but… I’m not buying it. Not this time. Can’t you tell me what’s on your mind? Did I do something?”

I kneel there on the table, fidgeting as I sit back on my heels. I don’t know what to do. I’m not even sure how to begin talking about the complicated emotions swirling inside me. And there’s no way I can tell him why I’m feeling this way, he can’t know about all of those memories that I’ve been fighting all day. But right now, I’m ruining things. It feels like I’m on the edge of a precipice. As if everything’s about to fall apart. I’m not thinking straight, consumed by a fear of losing everything. Our relationship, my everyday life, the shelter and care that I so desperately need, it suddenly feels like it’s all in jeopardy.

“I’m sorry,” I gasp, my voice getting weaker by the second, “I’m sorry. Please, I don’t mean to be a problem… I can be better, I just… just… please let me… stay…”

“What? That’s what you’re worrying about right now?” His voice makes me flinch and I struggle to meet his gaze. There’s something in it that’s frightening me. “I don’t understand why this keeps coming up,” he says with growing agitation, “Are you really afraid I’ll kick you out? What, abandon you on the street, is that what you think?”

I shake my head desperately. “No! No, no, no… I… I know you wouldn’t. I know we’ve got this good thing going. Especially since you like me small like this, I didn’t mean–”

“Wait,” Aiden interrupts in a low voice. “What did you just say? Especially since I…"

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do.

With one shaky breath… I try. I try to share the thing that deep down has been such a source of anxiety for me since he first told me about his fantasies over a month ago.

“I guess I… Sometimes I wonder if you like me… or if you like the idea of me…”

“What?!” I cower at the raised volume, still struggling to look him in the eye. He’s hard to read - he looks confused, shocked, a whole slew of things. But right now, all I can interpret is… a look of disgust. A resentment for me accusing him of such a thing. A sense of betrayal for having taken information that he had been scared to tell me and turning it against him.

I furiously backpedal. “I don’t know, I don’t know! Forget I said anything. M-maybe I should just go to bed…”

The giant shakes his head, his tone more and more intent. “No, hold on, that’s important. We should talk about this!”

“It’s okay, that was stupid, I didn’t mean it. It felt dumb the second it left my mouth.” I look to his hand, resting a dozen feet away. I start crawling forward to reach it, employing as soothing a voice as I can, “Please, Aiden… Everything’s fine. Let’s just–"

And that’s when I can tell he’s clearly irritated. He pulls his hand right off the table before I can reach it, leaving emptiness in its wake. “I wish you’d stop that,” he growls, “Just stop… placating me all the time.”

“I’m not… I mean… I…”

It’s too much. I stare across the gap at his chest, so far from where I’m sitting near the edge of the desk. It’s hopeless. I can’t reach him, physically or otherwise. I’m too small… and too weak of a person.

I start to shut down. I kneel there, my facial features smoothing out as I stare into space. I feel numb. Aiden notices my shift in demeanor and moves his chair further back, so that he has the space to lean forward, lowering his face to try to pull in my gaze.

“Why don’t you want to talk?” he asks, “Do I scare you? Is that… Is that why you never want to ask me for help? Is the fact that I’m bigger still intimidating? Especially after some of what’s happened - like when I grabbed you, or the time I hit your head?” He’s gone back to sounding concerned, but there’s a tension underneath.

“No,” I say, my tone more detached now, “Those were accidents. We’ve learned from them. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Then why? Why won’t you lean on me more? Why won’t you just… just confide in me? Clearly I must have done something.”

“No, you haven’t.” I let my chin lower, looking past him. “I’m the problem. I’m always just… worrying you’ll eventually see me as a… burden…”

His frustration rushes right back in. “Well, stop! I’ll say it a hundred million times, you speaking out or needing help doesn’t bother me. You know what’s a burden? Never knowing what’s actually going on in your head every time you close up like this!”

My face lowers further and my eyes squeeze shut. No matter what my best efforts were… I’ve caused trouble for him after all. Figures. Being vulnerable with someone used to be the problem. And now not being vulnerable with someone is the problem. There’s no winning.

With a herculean effort, I keep tears from falling and look back up at Aiden, eyes shining. My tone is harsh with the tension in my body as I ask, “What do you want from me?”

He sighs heavily, looking pained. “I just want you to be honest. I want you to stop bottling up your feelings and just tell me when something’s bothering you…” He puts his face in his hands and I can practically hear him gritting his teeth. “God, Eve, you know every last dirty little secret about me. But I feel like half of the times you’ve opened up to me it’s because I’ve had to pry you open.”

“I’m not… I’m not hiding anything.” This is the first time I’m blatantly lying. I’m overstimulated and this is me lashing out, as useless as I know it is. Aiden lifts his head, and for several long seconds we’re at a stalemate. We glare at each other in silence, neither one of us knowing how to handle the pent-up emotions that the other has been suppressing for so long.

But even this is hopeless. I’m trying to stare down a man who’s as tall as a skyscraper. Who could obliterate me with zero effort if he wanted to. Of course he wouldn’t, but I don’t actually know what he’s capable of if pushed too far. There’s no way I’m not going to feel intimidated by the thinly veiled anger of the titan before me. And it’s not like I can walk away from this conversation either. I’m at his mercy and I know it.

Finally I cave. My scowl deepens and I choke out, “I don’t know… wh-what you want me to tell you…”

Aiden doesn’t say anything for several seconds. Out of nowhere, piercing the air like the sound of breaking glass, there’s a buzzing sound. The giant tsk’s with annoyance and pulls his phone out of his pocket, but he dismisses whatever it was trying to tell him, and the buzzing stops. I’m knocked off kilter from the distraction when he looks back at me and immediately speaks.

“Why don’t you want to go to the police?”

I go very still. Any anger that I was feeling completely vanishes. “W-what?” I stutter.

“Why are you so afraid of getting outside help?” he insists, not backing down in the slightest. “You’ve clammed up every time it’s come up. And you should’ve seen yourself after we ran into that police officer at the lab.” His eyebrows curve with concern. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“N-no!” I yelp, “I’m not… I mean… I’m not in… It’s not what you think…”

“I don’t know what to think!” Aiden’s hands are suddenly back on either side of me. He clearly isn’t sure whether touching me would be a good or bad thing right now, his fingertips hovering so close that I can feel their warmth. “Evie, whatever it is, you can trust me. Don’t you trust me by now?”

I shake my head, close to hyperventilating. I stare at the ground and say, “I can’t do this…”

“Why not?”

“You think you want to know… they always say they want to know, until…”

“Please. I’m begging you.”

No, no, not those words… I sit in terrified silence. Keeping my head down. Refusing to look at him.

“Just talk to me, goddamnit!” Aiden snaps. The massive hands that surround me land on the edge of the table, causing it to shudder and for me to almost lose balance. I gasp - he didn’t quite yell that, but it’s as close as he’s ever come. I whimper and cower and come no closer to looking at him, only curling in on myself further.

And then there’s the buzzing sound once more. It’s his phone again, receiving another call. He pulls his hands away, sighing with frustration.

“I need to take this real quick…” He takes his phone out again, swiping at it. He doesn’t manage to mask his tension as he answers, “Hey. Everything okay?”

I slowly raise my head with a small shard of curiosity, though my breath is still coming out ragged. This is accidentally providing me with a bit of a break. A welcome diversion. I can’t quite make out what the person on the other end is saying, but it’s a male voice, and rather loud. There seems to be a lot of commotion in the background too.

Aiden frowns, a new kind of annoyance blossoming. “Sorry but I told you earlier, I can’t tonight. Listen, man, this really isn’t a good time–” He falls silent as the other voice interrupts him and speaks for a while. “No, I hear you, um… Have you tried calling Steve? Or Moira? Wait, no, she’s sick… Okay, well you’ll just have to get an Uber or something, then, okay? I’m happy to pay for it if it helps. Happy birthday.”

The voice on the other end continues to insist and Aiden looks increasingly exasperated. I slowly get to my feet, and the motion is enough to catch the giant’s attention. “Go,” I mouth at him. His frown deepens, and just in case he didn’t understand, I speak out loud this time. “Go.”

He holds my gaze for a moment. “Hold on a sec,” he finally says, and he taps the mute button on his phone. “You really want me to leave right now?” he asks me, the hurt plain on his face. “Seriously?”

Despite the tears running down my cheeks, I manage one last calm sentence. “I think I need some space.”

Aiden’s jaw clenches and his eyes shine with tears of his own - I don’t know if they’re sad or angry ones - before he unmutes his phone. “Yeah, okay, fine. I’m heading over.” And without even looking at me, he gets up… and leaves the apartment. The door closes a bit more forcefully than usual, the sound reverberating like thunder until everything fades into unnerving stillness.

There had been no point in me standing up. I’ve collapsed right back onto my knees, and then my hands, and then I let my head fall onto the ground. The tears continue to fall, though I’m not quite crying. I don’t make a sound. I just hold very, very still as I slip into a state of unadulterated, mind-numbing fear.

~~*

I’m in a lush green forest, hardly noticing the chill in the air or the distant call of birds singing. I’ve been to these woods a couple of times, but we’ve never been this deep before. There’s no sign of even a path, much less any other people, just thick foliage as far as the eye can see.

My boyfriend, if I should still call him that, is on his knees in front of me. His hands are wrapped around my wrists, his head lowered with his brow leaned against my stomach. He’s shaking. Crying.

"Please,” he gasps, “I’ll be better… You have to believe me, I’ll change… Just please don’t do this. Please, I’m begging you…”

My face is covered in tears too. "Brock,” I say dejectedly, “I’ve heard that too many times. I always tell you that it’s fine, but… it’s not. We can’t keep doing this. We have to end it.”

His hands tighten their grip, squeezing me so hard it hurts. And then, in a blur of movement, he’s on his feet, suddenly looming over me. He reaches to his waistband and I gasp as he pulls out a handgun. He looks at me manically, his eyes wide as he puts the gun to his own temple.

"Then I’ll end it!” he yells, his cries echoing and halting all birdsong. “Is that what you fucking want?! To have another life on your conscience?! I’ll end it right here and now!”

I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s carrying some kind of firearm. But I’ve never seen him pull it out like this. No wonder he brought me so deep into the woods. My heart is racing and my mouth opens but no sound comes out.

Brock steps closer, looking crazed as he breathes hard. "And then? What are you going to do without me? Think about it for two seconds. You have no money. No schooling. No skills to offer other than, what – fucking waitressing?” He takes another step, coming alarmingly close, his face inches away from mine. “And what about your mother’s death? Forgot that little detail, did you, darling? Do you really think anyone will believe you if I’m not there to defend you? You think they wouldn’t have hauled you off in handcuffs the first chance they had?!”

I’m afraid to make sudden movements but I can’t help taking a step back, and I feel my shoulders hit a tree. Dizzily I begin crumbling to the forest floor, collapsing into a seat. I lower my head submissively, trembling from head to toe. I can’t face him. I don’t know what he’s capable of anymore. My only option is to wait. Wait… and then run. Just have to get past this.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Brock’s arm drop back down. With much more calm, he puts the gun back into its holster, and then he crouches in front of me. I hold my breath, unable to look at him as he puts his hand to my cheek.

"Never forget that,” he says icily, the cold composure filling me with even more dread than when he was yelling. “Without my testimony you’re nothing. You’ve got no future. Come on, baby… don’t you get it?”

His hand moves to my chin now. His fingertips press against my jaw as he forces me to look up at him.

“You. Need. Me.”

~~*

I have no idea how much time has passed. I’m just collapsed on the desk for hours on end. I have nowhere to run to. No choices at my disposal. It gets darker and darker around me as the setting sun gives way to the night, but I don’t get up to turn the desk lamp on. I just sit there in a heap. Frozen. Paralyzed.

Until I hear a sound. I’m not even sure what I’ll do when I see Aiden again, I haven’t thought through anything at all. But that’s not what I’m worrying about right now. I can tell even before the door opens that he’s not alone.

Operating on pure instinct, I skitter backwards as the key goes into the lock and then I see the silhouette of some monstrous shape that lumbers into the room. I hide behind my bed, peeking over it to realize that my roommate is there, yes, but there’s someone else who’s slumped onto him, one arm draped over his shoulders. And… the other person is huge. I’m not just talking normal levels of huge in comparison to my three inch frame. He looks to be a head taller than Aiden and nearly twice as broad. I duck down behind the bed again, not daring to look any longer.

I hear the two men stumble further in, grunting with effort. Then I jump at the booming sound of the stranger’s voice.

“Oh yeaaaah! I forgot you had a washer an’ dryerrr,” he says, slurring his words, “You ‘member when I’d mooch off of you last year, bro? When our washer broke? Good tiiiimes.”

“Yes, I remember,” Aiden’s voice is both very tired and clearly on the brink of his patience. “Oh, come on, Diego!”

There’s a loud, resounding thump as I guess that the new guy has just fallen to his knees. “I jus’… restin’ for a sec…”

The more familiar giant sighs. “Okay, just… don’t move. I’ll go change the sheets on the bed and help you in. Just stay here.”

“Mmkaaaay. Thanks for lettin’ me staaaay.”

“Don’t mention it. Please.”

There’s the sound of footsteps and I can’t help stealing another glance, this time from past the side of the bed. Sure enough, I can only see the drooped form of this unfamiliar behemoth in the living room now. I quickly hide again - he’s closer than I realized.

There’s a brief shuffling near the couch, I think he’s messing with a cushion or something. And then there’s more noise… it sounds like he’s getting to his feet… and the single thing I was most afraid of happens. He’s shambling towards the desk.

I have to hold a hand over my mouth to keep from crying out at a sudden, brief earthquake that would have knocked me over if I was standing. I don’t know if the titan has kicked the desk or hit an elbow on it or what. But clearly he was drawn to whatever tiny odd things he noticed sitting on the table’s surface, visible even in just the dim light of the street lamps outside. I can hear his breathing and catch the smell of booze, the proximity absolutely terrifying. There isn’t really space for me to get underneath my bed, but I crouch down and press myself up against my hiding spot as I hold as still as I possibly can.

Diego seems to chuckle with amusement and I hear something fall over less than a dozen feet away - one of my clothing shelves, I think. Aiden, where are you? I wonder desperately.

No sooner do I have that thought when out of nowhere I’m knocked backwards. I wince involuntarily from falling onto my butt and then watch in horror as my bed is lifted up into the sky. My breath comes in shallow as I take in the scale of this monster of a man. I can’t be much taller than his pinky finger.

I don’t know if it was the sound that I made or if he’d already realized I was there, but… he’s looking at me. There’s no avoiding it, our eyes have met and his are widening with shock. I’ve been discovered. By a very large and very inebriated giant.

Diego blinks a couple of times and wavers slightly on the spot from his kneeled position. Finally he thunders, “What the fuck?” and his free hand is reaching for me, quickly taking up more and more of my vision. I can’t process the nightmare. The built up stress has turned me into a wreck and I’m not in control of my body when I fly into a full-on panic. I scream.

[Olo]

@littlest-lily Oh shit.

Putting the Diego development aside, I admire your narration of the fight very much. Every beat was earned, the dialogue (spoken and internal) was pitch-perfect, and best of all both Evie and Aiden were wholly sympathetic. They were both right, every step of the way.

The Brock exposition was terrifying and all-too-plausible.

I don’t know what to say about Aiden’s decision to bring Diego home, smdh.

[miss-lillipants]

Wow, intense chapter. The emotions and anxiety are so well written, as always.

Let’s hope Diego is easily swayed in his current state.

[Olo]

@miss-lillipants Some drunks see pink elephants, Diego sees nerd fairies.

[miss-lillipants]

@Olo hopefully he’s like me and either forgets, or is left with such hangxiety that he wishes he could forget

[littlest-lily]

@Olo Ahhh, thank you for helping me have a little sigh of relief. The goal was being able to understand where either person might be coming from, so I’m so glad that seemed to land okay as everything came to a head.

[littlest-lily]

@miss-lillipants Thank you so much!! And yes… let’s hope

[Olo]

@littlest-lily It’s always frustrating to watch two people have an unnecessary fight because one or both of them misinterprets something the other has said or done. That wasn’t the case here. Some fights are necessary.

[littlest-lily]

Chapter 50
Aiden

Fuck me. Can today get any worse?

I won’t lie, I’m really upset when I leave the apartment. Furious, even. I’m concerned about Evie, yes, of course I am, but good god am I frustrated with her too. How the hell are we going to make this work if she just refuses to communicate… at all? I hadn’t realized how bad it could get.

It doesn’t help that I’m also feeling frustrated with Diego right now. Okay, so the designated driver’s car broke down while they were out downtown. Yes, it’s annoying, but I still don’t understand why he can’t just call an Uber. He’d gone on about how there were several more bars he wanted to hit and he didn’t want to have to wait around for a ride every time, blablabla. But did he have to be so insistent after I told him “no” multiple times? Just because it’s his birthday doesn’t give him the right to be so selfish.

He heralds me like a hero, though, when I finally make it to whatever bar the group got stranded at. I could tell by his voice over the phone, but he’s already well on his way to getting trashed. The stifling bear hug he gives me is little comfort when I know I’ll be the one sober friend in the group for the next couple of hours, all while I’m very preoccupied with the situation waiting for me back at home.

As the night drags on, Diego’s in such a good mood and is being so affectionate with me and the other guys that I eventually feel guilty for acting sour. Yeah, I didn’t want to come here, but also the issues I’m having with Evie aren’t his fault. Ultimately I try to force a smile onto my face, as fake as it feels.

But this eventually wears on me. It’s been three hours and midnight has come and gone when I can’t take it anymore - I pretend to need to go to the bathroom to take a breather. I sit in the cramped but thankfully clean toilet stall and put my head in my hands. I try and fail to take deep breaths.

What do I do when I eventually get home? I’m assuming Evie is asleep by now. Not that it matters, I’ll probably wake her up when I get back whether I mean to or not. Do I try talking to her again? What do I even say? How do I get her to talk to me?

I stew in frustration for minutes on end. I’ve tried my utmost the entire time she’s lived with me to be so careful and considerate and patient. Haven’t I proven that I won’t judge her no matter what she has to say? Haven’t I shown that she can trust me?

Is… Was any of it even… real? Did she actually fall for me the way I fell for her? Or was that fake too, just another way of placating me and making sure she still has a roof over her head? No, I can’t… Surely it wasn’t all lies. That’s not fair to completely dismiss our connection like that, and it’s too heartbreaking to think about. But there’s clearly complicating factors. And I still have no idea why she wants to avoid getting outside help.

That last thought makes me pause. Come to think of it, I got confirmation today, didn’t I? She’s definitely scared of the police. I don’t know why, but… That sounds kinda major, doesn’t it? She’s afraid of the law. Perhaps that should be a red flag, but I can’t possibly imagine her being a dangerous criminal. Maybe she did something stupid when she was younger, or she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. But whatever happened that led to her feeling the way she does must have been a pretty big deal. Maybe even something really traumatic.

I drop my hands from my face, blinking as I stare down at my shoes. All night I’ve been resenting Evie for not opening up to me. When maybe what I should be focusing on right now is why she’s so tightly shut. I’ve been grappling with the fear that she sees me as nothing but a menace, but… it’s not like she opened up to Moira about this either. And it sounded like she wasn’t close with anyone else before us, even back before she lived in a world of giants. Maybe I’ve been taking things so personally when in reality, it’s got nothing to do with me. She might be dealing with some kind of trauma that’s bigger than any of us.

And I got angry at her for it.

“Shit,” I curse under my breath. I picture her, sitting there on the table, looking… terrified. Maybe not of me, deep down. But I probably wasn’t helping. By the end I was just demanding answers despite her clearly having some sort of breakdown. Fuck. Me.

I want to go home right this second, apologize, tell her she doesn’t owe me anything. I have to go back and try to fix this.

But of course, things aren’t quite so simple. I’m here now. At least the night seems to be winding down, and thankfully everyone else is finally alright with using rideshares to get back home. At this point Diego’s completely wasted though, and I want to make sure he gets home okay. So I drive him to his house and help support him as we walk up to the door. I watch him fumble for the keys in his pocket.

“Uh oh,” he says after checking the same pockets for the fourth time. “Fuuuuck… My keys’re gone. Must’ve dropped 'em…”

“Wonderful,” I groan, “Isn’t Star home? I know it’s late, but can we give her a call to let us in?”

“Nah man… This was s’posed to be a night with the guuyyys. She’s out 'f town, at her parennts…”

I check his pockets myself before finally admitting defeat. With a heavy sigh I think through my options. The timing is awful, but in the end my exhausted mind can’t think of any other solution but to offer to let him stay at my place.

As we drive back to the apartment and it nears two in the morning, I’m deep in thought while Diego nods off in the passenger’s seat. He’s clearly forgetting why he’s not in his own house now and giggling like an idiot about the “amazing” night he’s had. Okay. Plan is that I get him inside, to my room. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, make sure to stay at Evie’s side and keep her hidden. I’ll need to talk to her… But first I need to get my larger friend settled in and out of the way.

Thirty seconds. I had left him alone in the living room for less than thirty damn seconds. I’d hurriedly gotten my own bed ready for him and grabbed a blanket and pillow for myself. He seemed so out of it that I figured he wouldn’t budge - I was expecting to find him passed out on the floor. But just as I turn to head out of my room, I know immediately something’s wrong. Diego’s not where I left him. And then I hear a very faint but unmistakable scream.

I’m rushing now, hurrying into the living room, just in time to see my drunken friend slumped over the desk and picking something up off of it. Heart in my throat, I almost panic and start yelling at him. But that might create a worse problem, so silently I toss down the blanket and pillow onto the couch as I run over to Diego, and I grab his arm. I hover an open hand just under his fist and squeeze his wrist, hard.

“Let go,” I command firmly.

“Dude, wh-”

“Now.”

With one last jab of my thumb into his arm he loosens his grasp, and I can feel the warm little weight of Evie’s body tumbling into my palm. My heart leaps and I close my fingers around her. She grips me back harder than she ever has.

I glare at Diego as I take a couple of steps back. “Change of plans. You sleep out here. Since apparently you can move around just fine. And stop messing with my stuff.”

He’s looking at me dumbfounded, but I just turn and march back into my bedroom. I shut the door and lock it behind me.

“Evie, I’m so sorry,” I whisper urgently, taking the couple of quick steps to my bed and kneeling beside it on the carpet.

I settle my hand onto the mattress and let her slide onto the bed sheets. There’s more light here than there was in the living room since I’d left my table lamp on, so I can see how pale and shaky she is. She looks completely disheveled and is gasping for air, shuffling backwards on the bed and looking around frantically. Right, I don’t ever bring her in here, of course she’s disoriented.

“You’re safe, the door’s locked,” I soothe before asking intently, “Are you okay? How’s your leg, did he hurt you?”

Her breath is still coming in fast and shallow and she’s keeping a fearful eye on her surroundings, but she manages a small nod. “N-no, I’m okay, he didn’t really t-touch it. It’s fine. I’m f-fine… I…”

No more words come out. But not because she’s steadying herself. In fact her gasping is getting worse. Her body’s shaking, her panic boiling over. She is anything but fine.

Evie starts hyperventilating, curling in on herself as she hugs her arms, and then she drops her head down to the mattress. She goes from panting to sobbing to screaming and back again. She’s writhing, rocking back and forth, hitting her head against the thankfully soft ground. I’ve never seen her come completely undone like this. I watch in wide-eyed fear for a few moments, too stunned to move. It’s been too much for her today, and the frightening encounter she just had was enough to push her over the edge. Whatever has built up inside of her is finally all coming out at once, explosively, and she’s getting caught in the blast.

I reach my hand back up, cup it around her, gently touch her shoulder with a finger. She flinches a little but otherwise doesn’t react, just continues to whimper and cry and dry heave as she curls in on herself.

“Deep breaths, sweet girl,” I whisper, leaning down to kiss her upper back. I hope I’m not making things worse, but it’s almost like she can’t tell I’m there.

The panic attack lasts almost thirty minutes, enough time for me to seriously worry. But whether it’s due to exhaustion or getting it out of her system, her cries start faltering. She begins to respond to my attempts to help calm her down. Finally, even though she’s still curled in on herself, I see her reach one tiny hand out, tentatively searching the air. Immediately I offer her my pinkie and she grabs it, pulls it in, hugs it against her.

With my other hand I carefully stroke her back, softly remind her that she’s safe, just as I’ve done again and again for the last half hour. And this time she finally lifts her head. She’s a mess and she looks absolutely exhausted. But she’s also looking lucid again.

"I-I have to talk to you,” she stutters with a hoarse voice.

“Whatever you need,” I say, and I bring up a tissue that I’d found in the midst of the meltdown, tenderly dabbing it against her cheek before offering it to her. “Just don’t worry about me right now, okay?”

Evie takes the paper with the saddest, weakest look of gratitude I’ve ever seen. She wipes her face off, blows her nose, takes a deep breath. “No, this is just as much for myself. I should’ve told you a long time ago… Bear with me, let me figure out where to start.”

Since it looks like she’s more stable, I decide it might be best to give her some room. I hesitantly pull my hands away, she doesn’t protest, and I settle into a cross-legged seat in front of the bed. The tiny woman stares at the bedsheets for a few seconds, her breathing still shaky, but she’s looking more and more determined as she gathers her resolve. One more deep, tremulous breath. And then an equally tremulous sentence.

“Growing up… my name was Evelyn Frost.”

Uhh. Definitely didn’t realize that she was about to share a different… name. In the couple of seconds of silence that follows, I steel myself for the telling tale she’s about to share.

“Frost was my mom’s maiden name. After my dad passed away when I was four, she took it up again and used it for me too, even though it didn’t match what was on my birth certificate… Anyway, that’s not important. My mom was not a good person. Even before she was a single mom I don’t think she wanted to be a mother at all. And then after my dad died she started doing hard drugs, which… didn’t help.

"Most of the time she acted like I wasn’t there. Any time she did say something to me, it was usually because she was angry about something. She didn’t like me making friends with hardly anyone. She hit me, a lot. Sometimes she’d lock me in the basement for days if she was sick of seeing me.”

I listen quietly. In the back of my mind, I hear Evie’s voice echo, “I hate being underground.” I had no idea the inciting reason for that was straight up child abuse.

“The older I got the more… useful I became to her, I guess. She had me work to help pay rent, do chores, that kind of thing. For the most part I was still terrified of her, but I started standing up for myself too, just a little bit. Not enough to make that much of a difference, and sometimes she doubled down on the punishments. But we were at least able to speak to each other more and more without it devolving into constant one-way fights.”

She glances up at me, a little apprehensive, as if wondering how I’m taking all of this information. I just give her a little nod to let her know I’m listening intently. Then she swallows and clutches her bit of tissue paper tightly as she switches gears.

“I was sixteen when I met Brock. I was waitressing at this old diner at the time, and I was used to guys being sleazy sometimes, but this one was different. He was so kind. So attentive to me. We ended up talking that whole evening as he kept ordering drinks and hardly touching them. By the end of the night I was completely smitten. By the end of the week we were a couple.

“He made me really happy. He would drive me places, he showered me with compliments and gifts, and he was always there for me when things got hard at home. He was eight years older than me so I saw him as so smart and wise… and he was a stand-up citizen so my mom actually approved of him, finally, for once. We’d only been dating for three months when the two of us had already decided I’d move in with him once I turned eighteen. For the next year and a half, I was over the moon.

“On my eighteenth birthday my mom died. She actually got me a cake that year, which was unlike her… I still remember the fancy red cake stand she put it on… Her decision to celebrate didn’t stop her from taking a couple of hits that morning though. It was just me and her when I tried to bring up the subject of me moving out, and it didn’t go well. It turned into a horrible fight, she was screaming at me, she was so furious that I would abandon her like that. I can still picture the cake on the floor… I was kneeling next to it, I picked up the half-broken cake stand… Next thing I knew she was on top of me, and she tripped or something, she fell on me and my head was knocked back against the counter and I blacked out…”

Like a flash in my mind, I suddenly think of what Evie had said, that night we played Clue and I accidentally hit her in the head. I was worried I’d given her a concussion and her response was “I’ve had way worse before.” I never even questioned that.

“She must have passed out too,” Evie continues, “But it’s only when I woke up later that I realized she had fallen on the broken ceramic I was holding and had… had bled out… But it wasn’t intentional! I swear to you, it wasn’t on purpose. Even… even if she deserved it. I didn’t kill her!”

“I believe you,” I assure her gently.

Her eyes meet mine and she nods gratefully. “But it looked bad. Really bad. I called Brock in a panic and he came over right away. He helped cover for me so that I didn’t really have to deal with the police, things were hard enough as is. I did move in with him. I was horrified by what had happened, but… I was also finally free to live my life the way I wanted. And I wanted to be with him more than anything else. I was completely devoted.”

Her tone drops as a shadow passes over her expression. "I didn’t see the signs then. I thought Brock just loved me so much. He didn’t want me to have to worry about working and insisted I should just quit my job, stay at home and relax for a while. Every couple of weeks he bought me a new outfit, even though I was never that much into fashion. The compliments he showered me with started becoming… a little much. And he wasn’t quite as supportive anymore when I was struggling - anytime I’d complain or get sad about something he just seemed so annoyed by it. He didn’t like it whenever I tried to make new friends, he thought I was spending too much time with other people. He started limiting how much food I could have. He had certain… expectations in bed. And over time he started getting upset with me over the smallest things…

"I was still pretty young and naive and I made a lot of excuses for him, but eventually even I could tell things were toxic. But anytime I tried to talk to him about it, it didn’t go well. It got physical sometimes. Every time he hit me he was so apologetic, he’d buy me another damn dress and tell me how much he loved me… but I was seeing through him at this point.

“After living together for over two years, I wanted out. He knew I wanted out. One day he took me out into the woods. He confronted me about how I felt, but when I admitted I wanted to break up he went ballistic. He had a gun, h-he threatened to kill himself. The way things had gotten, I honestly wouldn’t have put it past him to kill me first… I’d never been so scared in my life… The next day while he was at work, I snuck out. I ran away, just packed the few things I could carry and took the first bus out of town.”

Recounting this is clearly painful for her and she falls into silence for a moment, breathing hard. I stare at her for a few seconds, reeling from the intensity of it all.

“Holy shit, Evie,” I whisper.

She’s determined to keep going. "I was homeless for a little while. Very slowly I found jobs and started building myself back up… But Brock never stopped looking for me. Somehow he would always figure out where I went. One time he showed up where I worked, I just snuck out the back and skipped town again. Another time he’d figured out who one of my new friends was and began harassing her to find out where I was staying, so I left. One day I was leaving for work and recognized his car sitting in the parking lot. I immediately grabbed my stuff and ran away on the spot.

“It was a hard four years on my own. Eventually I decided it might be worth it to go back to school. If I could get a college degree, maybe I could get a better job, move farther away, find a place to live with better security. I applied for a million scholarships and managed to get enough that I thought I could pull it off. That’s when I changed my name. I used my dad’s last name of Ondine, which is what my legal name is anyway, and just wrote down one of my nicknames as if it was my official one. I hoped between that and the fact that I was moving several states over it might make it harder for Brock to track me down. And so far so good, he hasn’t found me. Although, there are probably a few extra reasons for that…”

She motions down at her small stature. It’s hard to believe that she’s been through enough hardship that it rivals the fact that she was shrunken into this state. I’d gotten the sense she had some darker parts of her life she didn’t want to share, things that might have explained the constant glossing over her own needs or why she hadn’t been able to maintain friendships, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this bad. And Evie’s not quite finished yet.

“I want to try and explain something…” she says, staring intently into my eyes. "A lot happened during my solo life. A year into it, after I’d stayed a couple of months in the same place… I met a guy. I was so scared of dating again, but he was such a good friend and I gave it a shot. It was great, he helped me realize what a real, loving relationship could actually be like. I owe him a lot. But after dating for a few months I finally told him about Brock. And it… it really freaked him out. H-he didn’t say it was the reason, but he broke up with me the next day. Not that it would have mattered because it wasn’t much longer before I, um… had to move again.

"The year after that, I met someone who I just saw as a casual friend, but he wanted more. He was so angry when I turned him down. Somehow he found out I had a stalker. He tried to blackmail me with it, he’d threaten me every time I saw him at work. I didn’t even wait until Brock showed up again. Within a few weeks I left.

“The year after that, I had my first official roommate since the breakup. It was hard to find hostels or single apartments in the area I was in, and I figured it was time I try living with someone again. She was nice, I guess. But again… I made a mistake and ended up telling her about my ex. She was scared that he might show up at our place and ended up kicking me out.”

I’m putting it all together, everything’s starting to make some sense. No wonder she was so hesitant to talk to me about this.

She looks too tired to cry but weak sobs are racking her body anyway. “I’m sorry, Aiden, y-you’ve never given me any reason t-to doubt you, but every time I opened up to someone about this shit it always blew up in my face. I d-didn’t want to lose you too. But… but I shouldn’t have just lumped y-you in with–”

“It’s okay,” I breathe, curling my hand behind her, “It’s alright, I get it now. Thank you so much for telling me. I’m sorry you’ve had such a weight on your shoulders all this time, without any support.”

Right then, out of nowhere, she smiles. Just a fleeting moment of pure relief and appreciation after a lifetime of struggling alone. It’s just for a second before it crumbles into exhaustion again. I half smile back and then lean in, I want to make sure she knows…

“I’m not going anywhere.” I say, kissing her forehead, and I hover there, staying close. “I’m still processing some of that, but… I don’t care what happened in the past. I want to embrace everything about you, just as you are. Okay?”

More weak sobs. “I should’ve known you would,” she whimpers. She rests her head against my chin, letting out whatever tears she has left. And then she’s kissing me, planting little pecks all along my skin, and it fills me with so much emotion that I almost start crying with her. We embrace for a long time, with her resting in the catharsis while I take the time to really absorb everything she just told me.

“I just have one question, if you don’t mind me asking,” I finally say, pulling my face away and sitting back on my heels. “I’m still not sure why you’re so against the police? I think the situation with your mom could be proven to be an accident, or at least self defense, assuming it ever came up again. And they might actually be able to help with a stalker. I’m sure that’s easier said than done, but…”

Evie slowly shakes her head, gaze trailing to the floor. “Maybe under normal circumstances I would have gotten the courage to go to the cops. But that’s just the problem…” She looks up at me with a defeated smile. “Brock is a cop.”

[Olo]

@littlest-lily

[miss-lillipants]

Evie, you’re doing amazing, sweetie.

[littlest-lily]

@miss-lillipants Oof, the part of my soul where Evie lives breathed a sigh of relief