Depression and Size Kink

[Mrgoblinging7]

I can tell you right off the bat that therapy works.

I used to have a serious self-loathing problem related to my fetishes. I mean, the idea of getting off to torture, rape, humiliation, digestion, dehumanizing others, it clashed so heavily with my usual moral self that it really fucked me up mentally.

I was in a better place for a good chunk of time because I was able to talk to someone and get the help I needed. I’m actually going to get back into therapy for unrelated but equally serious reasons.

Trust me; you’re making the right choice by seeking help. And I wish you all the luck in the world in finding what you need to feel better.

[Olo]

I have been in therapy off and on for the last seven years. I should have started much earlier. I have never talked about my size kink with a therapist, because by the time I started therapy I had determined that it was neither a cause nor a symptom of more fundamental issues. It was (and remains) a distraction, which can be problematic, but I’m not going to be happier if I could somehow jettison it.

In fact, I talked with my last therapist about finding self-worth in “creative writing.” I admitted that it was “smut-based” writing, and we worked on overcoming shame associated with that. I didn’t specify “the kink” as I was confident that for me Size is just an internal role-playing world that doesn’t need to be externalized.

Longtime readers will remember that I do have a history of self-loathing with regard to the M/f side of Size Fantasy. It’s no great mystery that the origin of this is my disgust and dismay with how every man in my life treats women, starting with my father. Disentangling my expectations from my father’s has been my primary challenge for most of my life, but it got a lot easier when I had a professional to talk to about it.

A real society would provide for everyone to have a therapist or the functional equivalent, and men suffer the most from this lack. To customize the meme, “Men will literally shrink themselves to the size of a mouse and beg women to step on them rather than go to therapy.”

[tiny-ivy]

@foreverlurk
I’m sorry to hear about your depression, and this longing feeling. I occasionally have that sort of longing, especially when I’m just waking up from a good dream.

I’m very glad to hear that you’re getting therapy. So many people don’t even try that, and it can really help with depression a lot. I hope it helps you.

Speaking from experience, when I’ve mentioned this kink to therapists, They were totally nonplussed. The counselors I were seeing were not Freudian. They didn’t really want to dig into it more than I wanted to bring it up. They didn’t attribute meaning to it that I didn’t bring with me.

I forget where you live. I’ve heard that therapy in Europe can still be pretty Freudian, but that’s not so common in the USA, where counselors and therapists are more likely to use cognitive behavioral therapy than Freudian analysis to treat depression.

I’m bringing up Freud because I think that framework would have a field day with this kink. I disagree with him on pretty much everything. The fact that therapy has been moving away from him for the past 50 years is a good thing, for those of us with powerful imaginations, and unusual sexual tastes. He attributed meaning to every little detail, especially sex. He had no science to back up his frameworks, and they don’t really hold up to modern research.

Also.

If you’re finding that this kink is too troubling, you can put it down and walk away for as long as you want. It will still be here for you if you ever want to pick it up again, after a period of time of you focusing on your mental health.

Good luck on your journey!

[foreverlurk]

@Mrgoblinging7 Thanks, I hope it does work for me too.

I think the nature of the fantasy itself, of wanting to dominate/shrink/reduce really makes it harder to paint ourselves (biggos) in a positive light. I can rarely see myself as anything else than the “bad guy” in my fantasies, or maybe the hypocrite savior at best.

I’m still not sure what I’ll need to feel better (an actual 3" tall lady would def help!), but gaining a better understanding of myself is the first step.

[foreverlurk]

@Olo said in Depression and Size Kink:

and men suffer the most from this lack. To customize the meme, “Men will literally shrink themselves to the size of a mouse and beg women to step on them rather than go to therapy.”

Ain’t that the truth?! I fully admit that I’m guilty of this as well. I think there has been rapid changes to that perception amongst males in the past decade or two, but it took everything (and hitting the wall) for me to seek help and get in therapy. I even admitted to my therapist I almost didn’t show up.

[foreverlurk]

Thank you so much.

It’s so interesting that you bring up Freud because that was actually one of my fears when I first thought about going to therapy. I’ve studied him when I was younger and I was worried that his ideas were still being used. I’m much more a fan of Carl Jung, but that’s another story.

Here in Canada, at least in Quebec, CBT is by far the most used method. My therapist main area of expertise is with PTSD for Canadian Armed Forces personnel, where CBT has shown to be greatly effective.

@tiny-ivy said in Depression and Size Kink:

If you’re finding that this kink is too troubling, you can put it down and walk away for as long as you want. It will still be here for you if you ever want to pick it up again, after a period of time of you focusing on your mental health.

That’s the thing… I’ve already tried to put it down in the past, and the truth is that I simply can’t. It’s not a switch I can turn off, it’s a huge part of my sexuality wheter I want it or not. I thought that I could live without it and it only led to even more frustration and isolation. I realize not everyone with the fetish has this level of intensity, but that’s just my own experience.

[littlest-lily]

@foreverlurk I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this. I do commend you and encourage you to continue therapy, I think others have had some great input on that already and I know I’ve benefited from it tremendously over the years. It does sound like bringing up the kink in a session might be beneficial, even if you don’t go into great detail on the specifics and more on how it impacts your life. I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful. We’re all rooting for ya

[The Big G]

One thing I can honestly say I could never walk away from this kink/fetish for as much mental strain and pain it has given me over the years and still dose the community around it has help shape me into the person I am today. I’m not saying I’m a better or a worse person for it but I feel I’m better for you all I’ve met some of the most amazing,talented strong willed and if I’m honest confrontational people in my life people that have called me on my bullshit even when I didn’t think it was. Likewise some of my darkest days I’ve been helped though by those same people. I could more easily stop my own heart than step away from this kink/fetish (side note I have spent years in hospitals and now can lower my heart beat low enough to make a heart monitor think I’ve flat lined great trick to try on new doctors or fresh nurses). On a completely different tangent I ask my fallow posters when your hugged by a loved one/friend what do you feel besides the physical contact because that’s all I ever feel yet I think others get something else out of it am I alone in this or can others relate.

[foreverlurk]

@littlest-lily said in Depression and Size Kink:

I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful.

Thanks, Lily. That’s exactly what I think. This sizey longing can be (bitter)sweet too, and even be enjoyable, and I’ve lived with it just fine for a long while.

Right now it has been tainted by depression, and exacerbates my feeling of loneliness. I was curious if others have had those feelings as well, to some extent.

[foreverlurk]

@The-Big-G That’s a very good point - I have no regrets about embracing my kink and engaging with the community more. Ending my eternal lurking truly helped me, regardless of what I feel right now.

Funny you should talk about low heart beart. I sometimes experience a condition called Bigeminy, arrhythmia due to premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50). Good way to freak out the new nurses!

[Olo]

@foreverlurk “Bigmine”? That’s a giant’s name if I ever heard one.

[i am insane]

Hmm. Coming from this as somewhat asexual end, I don’t have quite the same concerns, since I’m never going to have to, like, explain this to a partner, or all the layers of concern that come with having an unexplainable fetish and a desire to have a partner, but at the same time, it’s awkward having this thing I never ever want to explain, so there’s that.

As someone getting therapy, I’ve got to say just… talking in a judgement free zone like that really helps. I’ve never mentioned this there, but then again, like I said this isn’t a big load for me, compared ot all the other shit happening to me.

Side note: make sure you’re comfortable with your therapist first, though, before you do anything big. I’ve never had any problems, but my sister? First meeting with one, she walks in and the woman starts going on about her weight… which is not only fucked up, is really weird because she’s not fat or anything? It’s like she wanted to pull weight issues out of the ether.

So, yeah. Making sure you have a good bond with them, and trust them not to pull bullshit on you, is important.

[giantmaneddie]

I feel you Lurk.

My life has been aiming for a sense of longing and that’s maybe why I keep going back to this kink, mostly to a sense of a relationship, I still live in a petless environment and been alone for most my life.

I sadly have a shitty therapist, wanting to leave them, the one I had before I sadly never revealed my fetish to them. Wish I had.

[foreverlurk]

@i-am-insane Lots of interesting things to ponder. You know, maybe I make it sound like it’s purely sexual thing - it’s really not. Most of what I wrote would still apply in a platonic relationship (side note - sorry if the nuances of aromantics/asexuals are lost on me, I need to read more on the topic!). There are so many reasons I love this fantasy that involves no sex at all.

As for the therapist, I’m comfortable enough but I haven’t had much experience to judge. I’m just not a people’s person, so if I feel at ease with her after a few sessions, for me it’s a very positive sign. I hope so.

[foreverlurk]

@giantmaneddie Thanks, and sorry to hear you’re also going through tough times. I’m hoping my therapist will prove worthy of my trust, I’d regret skipping over this part of me.

You know… I’ve been married and trust me you can be years in a relationship and still feel alone.

You mention pets, I think my cat is a great help to my mental health. I got her when she was so tiny, she could fit into the palm of my hand. You can say I always loved cute, small things.