Posts made by foreverlurk

@i-am-insane Lots of interesting things to ponder. You know, maybe I make it sound like it’s purely sexual thing - it’s really not. Most of what I wrote would still apply in a platonic relationship (side note - sorry if the nuances of aromantics/asexuals are lost on me, I need to read more on the topic!). There are so many reasons I love this fantasy that involves no sex at all.

As for the therapist, I’m comfortable enough but I haven’t had much experience to judge. I’m just not a people’s person, so if I feel at ease with her after a few sessions, for me it’s a very positive sign. I hope so.

@The-Big-G That’s a very good point - I have no regrets about embracing my kink and engaging with the community more. Ending my eternal lurking truly helped me, regardless of what I feel right now.

Funny you should talk about low heart beart. I sometimes experience a condition called Bigeminy, arrhythmia due to premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50). Good way to freak out the new nurses!

@littlest-lily said in Depression and Size Kink:

I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful.

Thanks, Lily. That’s exactly what I think. This sizey longing can be (bitter)sweet too, and even be enjoyable, and I’ve lived with it just fine for a long while.

Right now it has been tainted by depression, and exacerbates my feeling of loneliness. I was curious if others have had those feelings as well, to some extent.

Thank you so much.

It’s so interesting that you bring up Freud because that was actually one of my fears when I first thought about going to therapy. I’ve studied him when I was younger and I was worried that his ideas were still being used. I’m much more a fan of Carl Jung, but that’s another story.

Here in Canada, at least in Quebec, CBT is by far the most used method. My therapist main area of expertise is with PTSD for Canadian Armed Forces personnel, where CBT has shown to be greatly effective.

@tiny-ivy said in Depression and Size Kink:

If you’re finding that this kink is too troubling, you can put it down and walk away for as long as you want. It will still be here for you if you ever want to pick it up again, after a period of time of you focusing on your mental health.

That’s the thing… I’ve already tried to put it down in the past, and the truth is that I simply can’t. It’s not a switch I can turn off, it’s a huge part of my sexuality wheter I want it or not. I thought that I could live without it and it only led to even more frustration and isolation. I realize not everyone with the fetish has this level of intensity, but that’s just my own experience.

@Olo said in Depression and Size Kink:

and men suffer the most from this lack. To customize the meme, “Men will literally shrink themselves to the size of a mouse and beg women to step on them rather than go to therapy.”

Ain’t that the truth?! I fully admit that I’m guilty of this as well. I think there has been rapid changes to that perception amongst males in the past decade or two, but it took everything (and hitting the wall) for me to seek help and get in therapy. I even admitted to my therapist I almost didn’t show up.

@Mrgoblinging7 Thanks, I hope it does work for me too.

I think the nature of the fantasy itself, of wanting to dominate/shrink/reduce really makes it harder to paint ourselves (biggos) in a positive light. I can rarely see myself as anything else than the “bad guy” in my fantasies, or maybe the hypocrite savior at best.

I’m still not sure what I’ll need to feel better (an actual 3" tall lady would def help!), but gaining a better understanding of myself is the first step.

@Giganto82 Oh I should have started therapy much earlier in my life. In fact I had talked to my parents when I was quite young but… my feelings weren’t validated, to the contrary.

My fetish is not the root cause of my depression, but I think it amplifies some feelings that gravitate around it? And it’s a common link between some of my failed relationships? I can’t explain it better than that - I’m still trying to figure this part out.

It’s still the best stress and anxiety relief for sure.

@The-Big-G said in Depression and Size Kink:

Dose a day go by that I wouldn’t give up everything to spend five minutes with a tiny woman even if we just chatted as I admired her

“Chatting as I admired her” yes, this, exactly this. I think I used these same words a few times. Is it too much to ask?

And thanks, it’s always nice to know I’m not alone.

@SmolChlo Thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, I think you’re right - if I want to understand myself, I can’t be serious about this and not bring up the fetish. I’ve always thought there was no real explanation to its origins. I’m not so sure anymore. Perhaps I’m just afraid of what I’ll find.

I can’t explain why it amplifies my feelings of solitude and melancholia. Paradoxically, indulging in sizey stories, comics, or videos is also the biggest dopamine (and sexual) rush I can experience. “What nourishes me, destroys me.”

@littlest-lily You’re right, there’s no app - I should have said “website” or “web application”. It’s not that complex but I think the UI is a bit confusing at first and I’m not sure what is visible or not, ie. what is shared or what is kept private.

I have opened a second account to test some features before using my real one (if I ever get over my self-consciousness and actually post something, that is )

I hesitate to post this, as I don’t want to wallow in self-pity but I need to get this off my chest. Due to some… life circumstances, I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately. I was wondering if I’m alone in thinking that sometimes, having this kink can cause a certain natural inclination towards melancholia, or like a deep nostalgic longing for something impossible to be true, and for someone to love in that unreachable reality.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things I enjoy about this fetish, and I wouldn’t want to be rid of it. Like it both hurts and comforts me, causes me guilt and happiness, brings me anxiety and peace. It’s just difficult to explain exactly how it makes me feel lonelier than it should be possible. For me, SW has always been such a strong desire, even beyond the sexual aspect. Faced with the impossibility of ever having a tiny lady of my own - as utterly ridiculous as I know this statement to be - it’s bringing me way down. It’s not that I would want all of this to be real all the time, but not sharing that silly dream with anyone I loved made it doubly non-existent. There’s this huge part of me that no-one has ever seen.

In my life I’ve spent so much time in my mind, imagining things that cannot be, and never sharing this secret garden with anyone, even with those very close to me. Again it’s both a blessing and a curse, and to some extent I’d much rather live in my fantasies than in reality. Having a rich inner world and keeping some of my childhood wonder alive did protect me from the heavy cynicism that usually comes with age. I’m just not built to face some rougher aspects of this reality head-on, and withstand years and years of having my dreams crushed.

All this rambling to say I’ve started therapy, and I’m thinking of mentionning my kink to my therapist. I’m still unsure if it’s a good idea. I don’t think my fetish was born from trauma or negative emotions, but the way I’ve lived with this inside me for all those years brought only troubles in my past relationships, and caused me to retreat and flee further into the depths of my mind. Yet, there are people, real people who need me and depend on me in reality, and I don’t feel like I’m here and there enough for them. It’s just been so rough.

“Do you know that place between asleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you.”

@blehb Good idea, and maybe also a place to ask for help understanding the app for newbies

There is now an IMDB page up for the series.

The description is

A technological accident serves as a catalyst for Lindy and Les, a married couple, to re-evaluate their relationship’s power dynamics, leading to a dramatic showdown as they vie for control in their marriage.

@Olo Noooo, that’s so sad, way too young to die.

Excuse my Québécois but that was hot en tabarnak.

@miss-lillipants said in Sweet treat (M/f, borrower, gentle, fluff, smut):

Whereas he engulfed her entirely, she must have felt like a blip, barely detectable, her fingertips like feathers, her little lips pecking him with her diminutive kisses.

That sentence, the entire paragraph is pure fucking gold. Such a perfect depiction of those tiny, faint, light touches and sweet kisses I imagine so much - I could almost feel them. The holy trinity of vulnerability, insignificance and yet being the only thing that matters, the center of his world.

Needless to say, I’ll be in my bunk.