Posts made by foreverlurk

@i-am-insane said in Depression and Size Kink:

The relationship itself has a sort of expectation, even if it’s unstated, that at some point you will talk about this kind of thing, to be open and honest.

What you wrote is so very true, and yet that’s something I still struggle with. I have a hard time opening up and trusting, I always focus on the negative outcomes of any situations, and it’s very hard for me to allow myself to be vulnerable with someone. Admitting this kink is then basically impossible.

A long road ahead for me.

@Miri I know it’s going to take some time, I’ve no illusions. I never talked about this fantasy to anyone in real life, so even that first step is part of the process, getting over my self-consciousness and shame. I’m always jealous of how some people in the community can be so open about it.

Takes me a while to open up, even in such a safe space. Wish me good luck for the next session.

@blehb That’s the sort of medical condition I could get used to

@skysayl said in Depression and Size Kink:

almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie

Hollow punched toonie, lol I’m stealing that expression.

It was actually in a private clinic (I know, shame on me) and from the look in her eyes she probably thought I was going to flatline right here and there.

I should bring my EKGs next time and explain to her what’s happening lol.

@giantmaneddie Thanks, and sorry to hear you’re also going through tough times. I’m hoping my therapist will prove worthy of my trust, I’d regret skipping over this part of me.

You know… I’ve been married and trust me you can be years in a relationship and still feel alone.

You mention pets, I think my cat is a great help to my mental health. I got her when she was so tiny, she could fit into the palm of my hand. You can say I always loved cute, small things.

@i-am-insane Lots of interesting things to ponder. You know, maybe I make it sound like it’s purely sexual thing - it’s really not. Most of what I wrote would still apply in a platonic relationship (side note - sorry if the nuances of aromantics/asexuals are lost on me, I need to read more on the topic!). There are so many reasons I love this fantasy that involves no sex at all.

As for the therapist, I’m comfortable enough but I haven’t had much experience to judge. I’m just not a people’s person, so if I feel at ease with her after a few sessions, for me it’s a very positive sign. I hope so.

@The-Big-G That’s a very good point - I have no regrets about embracing my kink and engaging with the community more. Ending my eternal lurking truly helped me, regardless of what I feel right now.

Funny you should talk about low heart beart. I sometimes experience a condition called Bigeminy, arrhythmia due to premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50). Good way to freak out the new nurses!

@littlest-lily said in Depression and Size Kink:

I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful.

Thanks, Lily. That’s exactly what I think. This sizey longing can be (bitter)sweet too, and even be enjoyable, and I’ve lived with it just fine for a long while.

Right now it has been tainted by depression, and exacerbates my feeling of loneliness. I was curious if others have had those feelings as well, to some extent.

Thank you so much.

It’s so interesting that you bring up Freud because that was actually one of my fears when I first thought about going to therapy. I’ve studied him when I was younger and I was worried that his ideas were still being used. I’m much more a fan of Carl Jung, but that’s another story.

Here in Canada, at least in Quebec, CBT is by far the most used method. My therapist main area of expertise is with PTSD for Canadian Armed Forces personnel, where CBT has shown to be greatly effective.

@tiny-ivy said in Depression and Size Kink:

If you’re finding that this kink is too troubling, you can put it down and walk away for as long as you want. It will still be here for you if you ever want to pick it up again, after a period of time of you focusing on your mental health.

That’s the thing… I’ve already tried to put it down in the past, and the truth is that I simply can’t. It’s not a switch I can turn off, it’s a huge part of my sexuality wheter I want it or not. I thought that I could live without it and it only led to even more frustration and isolation. I realize not everyone with the fetish has this level of intensity, but that’s just my own experience.

@Olo said in Depression and Size Kink:

and men suffer the most from this lack. To customize the meme, “Men will literally shrink themselves to the size of a mouse and beg women to step on them rather than go to therapy.”

Ain’t that the truth?! I fully admit that I’m guilty of this as well. I think there has been rapid changes to that perception amongst males in the past decade or two, but it took everything (and hitting the wall) for me to seek help and get in therapy. I even admitted to my therapist I almost didn’t show up.

@Mrgoblinging7 Thanks, I hope it does work for me too.

I think the nature of the fantasy itself, of wanting to dominate/shrink/reduce really makes it harder to paint ourselves (biggos) in a positive light. I can rarely see myself as anything else than the “bad guy” in my fantasies, or maybe the hypocrite savior at best.

I’m still not sure what I’ll need to feel better (an actual 3" tall lady would def help!), but gaining a better understanding of myself is the first step.

@Giganto82 Oh I should have started therapy much earlier in my life. In fact I had talked to my parents when I was quite young but… my feelings weren’t validated, to the contrary.

My fetish is not the root cause of my depression, but I think it amplifies some feelings that gravitate around it? And it’s a common link between some of my failed relationships? I can’t explain it better than that - I’m still trying to figure this part out.

It’s still the best stress and anxiety relief for sure.

@The-Big-G said in Depression and Size Kink:

Dose a day go by that I wouldn’t give up everything to spend five minutes with a tiny woman even if we just chatted as I admired her

“Chatting as I admired her” yes, this, exactly this. I think I used these same words a few times. Is it too much to ask?

And thanks, it’s always nice to know I’m not alone.

@SmolChlo Thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, I think you’re right - if I want to understand myself, I can’t be serious about this and not bring up the fetish. I’ve always thought there was no real explanation to its origins. I’m not so sure anymore. Perhaps I’m just afraid of what I’ll find.

I can’t explain why it amplifies my feelings of solitude and melancholia. Paradoxically, indulging in sizey stories, comics, or videos is also the biggest dopamine (and sexual) rush I can experience. “What nourishes me, destroys me.”

@littlest-lily You’re right, there’s no app - I should have said “website” or “web application”. It’s not that complex but I think the UI is a bit confusing at first and I’m not sure what is visible or not, ie. what is shared or what is kept private.

I have opened a second account to test some features before using my real one (if I ever get over my self-consciousness and actually post something, that is )