Depression and Size Kink
-
@littlest-lily said in Depression and Size Kink:
I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful.
Thanks, Lily.
That’s exactly what I think. This sizey longing can be (bitter)sweet too, and even be enjoyable, and I’ve lived with it just fine for a long while.Right now it has been tainted by depression, and exacerbates my feeling of loneliness. I was curious if others have had those feelings as well, to some extent.
-
@The-Big-G That’s a very good point - I have no regrets about embracing my kink and engaging with the community more. Ending my eternal lurking truly helped me, regardless of what I feel right now.
Funny you should talk about low heart beart. I sometimes experience a condition called Bigeminy, arrhythmia due to premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50). Good way to freak out the new nurses!
-
@foreverlurk “Bigmine”? That’s a giant’s name if I ever heard one.
-
Hmm. Coming from this as somewhat asexual end, I don’t have quite the same concerns, since I’m never going to have to, like, explain this to a partner, or all the layers of concern that come with having an unexplainable fetish and a desire to have a partner, but at the same time, it’s awkward having this thing I never ever want to explain, so there’s that.
As someone getting therapy, I’ve got to say just… talking in a judgement free zone like that really helps. I’ve never mentioned this there, but then again, like I said this isn’t a big load for me, compared ot all the other shit happening to me.
Side note: make sure you’re comfortable with your therapist first, though, before you do anything big. I’ve never had any problems, but my sister? First meeting with one, she walks in and the woman starts going on about her weight… which is not only fucked up, is really weird because she’s not fat or anything? It’s like she wanted to pull weight issues out of the ether.
So, yeah. Making sure you have a good bond with them, and trust them not to pull bullshit on you, is important.
Power is choice.
-
I feel you Lurk.
My life has been aiming for a sense of longing and that’s maybe why I keep going back to this kink, mostly to a sense of a relationship, I still live in a petless environment and been alone for most my life.
I sadly have a shitty therapist, wanting to leave them, the one I had before I sadly never revealed my fetish to them. Wish I had.
-
@i-am-insane Lots of interesting things to ponder. You know, maybe I make it sound like it’s purely sexual thing - it’s really not. Most of what I wrote would still apply in a platonic relationship (side note - sorry if the nuances of aromantics/asexuals are lost on me, I need to read more on the topic!). There are so many reasons I love this fantasy that involves no sex at all.
As for the therapist, I’m comfortable enough but I haven’t had much experience to judge. I’m just not a people’s person, so if I feel at ease with her after a few sessions, for me it’s a very positive sign. I hope so.
-
@giantmaneddie Thanks, and sorry to hear you’re also going through tough times. I’m hoping my therapist will prove worthy of my trust, I’d regret skipping over this part of me.
You know… I’ve been married and trust me you can be years in a relationship and still feel alone.
You mention pets, I think my cat is a great help to my mental health. I got her when she was so tiny, she could fit into the palm of my hand. You can say I always loved cute, small things.
-
@foreverlurk said in Depression and Size Kink:
which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50).
Jokes, almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie. That, and those shitty ERFA stethoscopes they made us use exclusively for covid patients.
If a new rn is spooked by a bad read, they might be on their first day working provincial. -
I definitely think it’s worth bringing the kink up to the therapist. Regardless of what type of role it plays in your metal health, if it’s an important part of it then I think it would be good to mention.
You should feel proud of getting the help you need though. It seems like so many people here have had great results from therapy. I hope you have the same experience.
-
@Olo I read it as “Big n’ Mini.”
-
@skysayl said in Depression and Size Kink:
almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie
Hollow punched toonie, lol I’m stealing that expression.
It was actually in a private clinic (I know, shame on me) and from the look in her eyes she probably thought I was going to flatline right here and there.
I should bring my EKGs next time and explain to her what’s happening lol.
-
@blehb That’s the sort of medical condition I could get used to
-
Ah, sure, let me add my 3 cents…
So - therapy is good. Talking is good. Talking to non judgemental stranger is even better, you can open yourself up to them with things you’d never mention to anyone in your circle. All of that is good. But - it’s not a silver bullet. It’s not the golden remedy that will work right from the get go. It’s a… Process. God, I hate that word (at least in sports), but it really is one. And I think it’s worth it.
As long as you stay completely open. No boundaries, no pretending you are this “better” person around, dropping the mask of grey normality, just tell the therapist everything you want and need. I spoke about this kink only to internet people, and a therapist. She (therapist) was actually curious about this kink, what fascinates me, what keeps me wanting more of it. Or just pretended to be curious, which is why they get paid for just listening to people, haha.
-
@Miri I know it’s going to take some time, I’ve no illusions. I never talked about this fantasy to anyone in real life, so even that first step is part of the process, getting over my self-consciousness and shame. I’m always jealous of how some people in the community can be so open about it.
Takes me a while to open up, even in such a safe space. Wish me good luck for the next session.
-
@foreverlurk
Oh, I know it’s not just sexual, it’s the same for me, but it’s more… the implications of it, of how certain relationships have different expectations.Like, I have family and friends, and I talk to them a lot, and tell them a lot of things I wouldn’t tell anyone else, but I don’t tell them my fetishes. There’s no… expectation for it, for lack of a better word, no need. I could tell them, I have a small group of friends who I would, if I had to tell someone in RL, we trust each other with things we wouldn’t really tell anyone else, but again, the lack of a significant other means there’s no reason to tell them, for, like, the sake of the relationship or something.
Meanwhile, even if you’re not having sex about it, having a significant other in some form is… intimate. in a healthy relationship, they’re the ones you trust with that kind of thing, and in a lot of cases should trust with them, because how you desire that kind of thing effects how you act and so on. The relationship itself has a sort of expectation, even if it’s unstated, that at some point you will talk about this kind of thing, to be open and honest.
And I think that’s what I’m getting at (while lacking the proper terminology), because I’m asexual/aromantic, there’s no need for me to tell others about this because of them, or for them, if I tell them it’s only because I want to.
Power is choice.
