Depression and Size Kink

littlest-lily

@foreverlurk I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this. I do commend you and encourage you to continue therapy, I think others have had some great input on that already and I know I’ve benefited from it tremendously over the years. It does sound like bringing up the kink in a session might be beneficial, even if you don’t go into great detail on the specifics and more on how it impacts your life. I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful. We’re all rooting for ya

The Big G

One thing I can honestly say I could never walk away from this kink/fetish for as much mental strain and pain it has given me over the years and still dose the community around it has help shape me into the person I am today. I’m not saying I’m a better or a worse person for it but I feel I’m better for you all I’ve met some of the most amazing,talented strong willed and if I’m honest confrontational people in my life people that have called me on my bullshit even when I didn’t think it was. Likewise some of my darkest days I’ve been helped though by those same people. I could more easily stop my own heart than step away from this kink/fetish (side note I have spent years in hospitals and now can lower my heart beat low enough to make a heart monitor think I’ve flat lined great trick to try on new doctors or fresh nurses). On a completely different tangent I ask my fallow posters when your hugged by a loved one/friend what do you feel besides the physical contact because that’s all I ever feel yet I think others get something else out of it am I alone in this or can others relate.

foreverlurk

@littlest-lily said in Depression and Size Kink:

I have a feeling (and it sounds like you do as well) that it might not be the fantasy itself that’s the core issue, so I do hope that once you’re in a better headspace the sizey yearning might not be quite so painful.

Thanks, Lily. That’s exactly what I think. This sizey longing can be (bitter)sweet too, and even be enjoyable, and I’ve lived with it just fine for a long while.

Right now it has been tainted by depression, and exacerbates my feeling of loneliness. I was curious if others have had those feelings as well, to some extent.

foreverlurk

@The-Big-G That’s a very good point - I have no regrets about embracing my kink and engaging with the community more. Ending my eternal lurking truly helped me, regardless of what I feel right now.

Funny you should talk about low heart beart. I sometimes experience a condition called Bigeminy, arrhythmia due to premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50). Good way to freak out the new nurses!

Olo

@foreverlurk “Bigmine”? That’s a giant’s name if I ever heard one.

i am insane

Hmm. Coming from this as somewhat asexual end, I don’t have quite the same concerns, since I’m never going to have to, like, explain this to a partner, or all the layers of concern that come with having an unexplainable fetish and a desire to have a partner, but at the same time, it’s awkward having this thing I never ever want to explain, so there’s that.

As someone getting therapy, I’ve got to say just… talking in a judgement free zone like that really helps. I’ve never mentioned this there, but then again, like I said this isn’t a big load for me, compared ot all the other shit happening to me.

Side note: make sure you’re comfortable with your therapist first, though, before you do anything big. I’ve never had any problems, but my sister? First meeting with one, she walks in and the woman starts going on about her weight… which is not only fucked up, is really weird because she’s not fat or anything? It’s like she wanted to pull weight issues out of the ether.

So, yeah. Making sure you have a good bond with them, and trust them not to pull bullshit on you, is important.

giantmaneddie

I feel you Lurk.

My life has been aiming for a sense of longing and that’s maybe why I keep going back to this kink, mostly to a sense of a relationship, I still live in a petless environment and been alone for most my life.

I sadly have a shitty therapist, wanting to leave them, the one I had before I sadly never revealed my fetish to them. Wish I had.

foreverlurk

@i-am-insane Lots of interesting things to ponder. You know, maybe I make it sound like it’s purely sexual thing - it’s really not. Most of what I wrote would still apply in a platonic relationship (side note - sorry if the nuances of aromantics/asexuals are lost on me, I need to read more on the topic!). There are so many reasons I love this fantasy that involves no sex at all.

As for the therapist, I’m comfortable enough but I haven’t had much experience to judge. I’m just not a people’s person, so if I feel at ease with her after a few sessions, for me it’s a very positive sign. I hope so.

foreverlurk

@giantmaneddie Thanks, and sorry to hear you’re also going through tough times. I’m hoping my therapist will prove worthy of my trust, I’d regret skipping over this part of me.

You know… I’ve been married and trust me you can be years in a relationship and still feel alone.

You mention pets, I think my cat is a great help to my mental health. I got her when she was so tiny, she could fit into the palm of my hand. You can say I always loved cute, small things.

skysayl

@foreverlurk said in Depression and Size Kink:

which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50).

Jokes, almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie. That, and those shitty ERFA stethoscopes they made us use exclusively for covid patients. If a new rn is spooked by a bad read, they might be on their first day working provincial.

blehb

I definitely think it’s worth bringing the kink up to the therapist. Regardless of what type of role it plays in your metal health, if it’s an important part of it then I think it would be good to mention.

You should feel proud of getting the help you need though. It seems like so many people here have had great results from therapy. I hope you have the same experience.

blehb

@Olo I read it as “Big n’ Mini.”

foreverlurk

@skysayl said in Depression and Size Kink:

almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie

Hollow punched toonie, lol I’m stealing that expression.

It was actually in a private clinic (I know, shame on me) and from the look in her eyes she probably thought I was going to flatline right here and there.

I should bring my EKGs next time and explain to her what’s happening lol.

foreverlurk

@blehb That’s the sort of medical condition I could get used to

Miri

Ah, sure, let me add my 3 cents…

So - therapy is good. Talking is good. Talking to non judgemental stranger is even better, you can open yourself up to them with things you’d never mention to anyone in your circle. All of that is good. But - it’s not a silver bullet. It’s not the golden remedy that will work right from the get go. It’s a… Process. God, I hate that word (at least in sports), but it really is one. And I think it’s worth it.

As long as you stay completely open. No boundaries, no pretending you are this “better” person around, dropping the mask of grey normality, just tell the therapist everything you want and need. I spoke about this kink only to internet people, and a therapist. She (therapist) was actually curious about this kink, what fascinates me, what keeps me wanting more of it. Or just pretended to be curious, which is why they get paid for just listening to people, haha.