Depression and Size Kink
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@foreverlurk “Bigmine”? That’s a giant’s name if I ever heard one.
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Hmm. Coming from this as somewhat asexual end, I don’t have quite the same concerns, since I’m never going to have to, like, explain this to a partner, or all the layers of concern that come with having an unexplainable fetish and a desire to have a partner, but at the same time, it’s awkward having this thing I never ever want to explain, so there’s that.
As someone getting therapy, I’ve got to say just… talking in a judgement free zone like that really helps. I’ve never mentioned this there, but then again, like I said this isn’t a big load for me, compared ot all the other shit happening to me.
Side note: make sure you’re comfortable with your therapist first, though, before you do anything big. I’ve never had any problems, but my sister? First meeting with one, she walks in and the woman starts going on about her weight… which is not only fucked up, is really weird because she’s not fat or anything? It’s like she wanted to pull weight issues out of the ether.
So, yeah. Making sure you have a good bond with them, and trust them not to pull bullshit on you, is important.
Power is choice.
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I feel you Lurk.
My life has been aiming for a sense of longing and that’s maybe why I keep going back to this kink, mostly to a sense of a relationship, I still live in a petless environment and been alone for most my life.
I sadly have a shitty therapist, wanting to leave them, the one I had before I sadly never revealed my fetish to them. Wish I had.
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@i-am-insane Lots of interesting things to ponder. You know, maybe I make it sound like it’s purely sexual thing - it’s really not. Most of what I wrote would still apply in a platonic relationship (side note - sorry if the nuances of aromantics/asexuals are lost on me, I need to read more on the topic!). There are so many reasons I love this fantasy that involves no sex at all.
As for the therapist, I’m comfortable enough but I haven’t had much experience to judge. I’m just not a people’s person, so if I feel at ease with her after a few sessions, for me it’s a very positive sign. I hope so.
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@giantmaneddie Thanks, and sorry to hear you’re also going through tough times. I’m hoping my therapist will prove worthy of my trust, I’d regret skipping over this part of me.
You know… I’ve been married and trust me you can be years in a relationship and still feel alone.
You mention pets, I think my cat is a great help to my mental health. I got her when she was so tiny, she could fit into the palm of my hand. You can say I always loved cute, small things.
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@foreverlurk said in Depression and Size Kink:
which causes some cheap heart sensors or pulse oxymeters to report roughly half my current heartbeart (ie. 25 instead of 50).
Jokes, almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie. That, and those shitty ERFA stethoscopes they made us use exclusively for covid patients.
If a new rn is spooked by a bad read, they might be on their first day working provincial. -
I definitely think it’s worth bringing the kink up to the therapist. Regardless of what type of role it plays in your metal health, if it’s an important part of it then I think it would be good to mention.
You should feel proud of getting the help you need though. It seems like so many people here have had great results from therapy. I hope you have the same experience.
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@Olo I read it as “Big n’ Mini.”
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@skysayl said in Depression and Size Kink:
almost every single pulse ox in my facility is cheaply made and not worth a hollow-punched toonie
Hollow punched toonie, lol I’m stealing that expression.
It was actually in a private clinic (I know, shame on me) and from the look in her eyes she probably thought I was going to flatline right here and there.
I should bring my EKGs next time and explain to her what’s happening lol.
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@blehb That’s the sort of medical condition I could get used to
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Ah, sure, let me add my 3 cents…
So - therapy is good. Talking is good. Talking to non judgemental stranger is even better, you can open yourself up to them with things you’d never mention to anyone in your circle. All of that is good. But - it’s not a silver bullet. It’s not the golden remedy that will work right from the get go. It’s a… Process. God, I hate that word (at least in sports), but it really is one. And I think it’s worth it.
As long as you stay completely open. No boundaries, no pretending you are this “better” person around, dropping the mask of grey normality, just tell the therapist everything you want and need. I spoke about this kink only to internet people, and a therapist. She (therapist) was actually curious about this kink, what fascinates me, what keeps me wanting more of it. Or just pretended to be curious, which is why they get paid for just listening to people, haha.
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@Miri I know it’s going to take some time, I’ve no illusions. I never talked about this fantasy to anyone in real life, so even that first step is part of the process, getting over my self-consciousness and shame. I’m always jealous of how some people in the community can be so open about it.
Takes me a while to open up, even in such a safe space. Wish me good luck for the next session.
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@foreverlurk
Oh, I know it’s not just sexual, it’s the same for me, but it’s more… the implications of it, of how certain relationships have different expectations.Like, I have family and friends, and I talk to them a lot, and tell them a lot of things I wouldn’t tell anyone else, but I don’t tell them my fetishes. There’s no… expectation for it, for lack of a better word, no need. I could tell them, I have a small group of friends who I would, if I had to tell someone in RL, we trust each other with things we wouldn’t really tell anyone else, but again, the lack of a significant other means there’s no reason to tell them, for, like, the sake of the relationship or something.
Meanwhile, even if you’re not having sex about it, having a significant other in some form is… intimate. in a healthy relationship, they’re the ones you trust with that kind of thing, and in a lot of cases should trust with them, because how you desire that kind of thing effects how you act and so on. The relationship itself has a sort of expectation, even if it’s unstated, that at some point you will talk about this kind of thing, to be open and honest.
And I think that’s what I’m getting at (while lacking the proper terminology), because I’m asexual/aromantic, there’s no need for me to tell others about this because of them, or for them, if I tell them it’s only because I want to.
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@i-am-insane said in Depression and Size Kink:
The relationship itself has a sort of expectation, even if it’s unstated, that at some point you will talk about this kind of thing, to be open and honest.
What you wrote is so very true, and yet that’s something I still struggle with. I have a hard time opening up and trusting, I always focus on the negative outcomes of any situations, and it’s very hard for me to allow myself to be vulnerable with someone. Admitting this kink is then basically impossible.
A long road ahead for me.
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@foreverlurk
I mean, that was more a broad statement, from that point you have to get more specific; for example, how serious is the relationship? Because for obvious reasons you’re probably not going to tell your new girlfriend or whatever your long held secret fetish, for example? Then you get to questions like, has she told you of something like that, is your relationship strong in that kind of way, and so on and so forth.(Are you even in a relationship? They way you’re phrasing it now makes it sound like you are.)
To be blunt? It’s not a one size fits all kind of situation, is the thing. I’m pretty sure if you checked, there’d be a lot of people on this forum who aren’t totally open about this kind of thing, and… that’s OK? Your relationship is your relationship, not anyone else’s, and it should go at whatever pace you and your partner are comfortable with, not whatever pace is ‘normal’. Normal is honestly kind of a toxic fucking lie, in my opinion, and it messes a lot of people up because it makes so many people go, ‘But I’m not doing it like everyone else!’ when everyone else does it their own personal way, as well.
Don’t try and force it, that’s not going to help. If you’re not ready, it’ll stress you out, mess you up, which would probably get noticed and responded to by your partner (if you don’t end up taking it out on them to some extent, since, you know, people are universally known to be more angry/withdrawn when stressed out, which is great for healthy communication! /s), plus, you may be right in that your relationship isn’t ready. Maybe it’s too early or something. How the fuck would I know if it’s ready or not? I’m not you, I don’t live your life, I’m in no position to tell you when and if that time is, you are.
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