This isn’t related to roleplaying or size stuff specifically, but I would disagree with the idea that cheating is the point when you romantically desire someone else more than your partner. The thing about desire is that it’s not really something we can consciously control. I think it’s very unrealistic to expect that you will never see or encounter anyone who seems more desirable to you than your partner in some way, especially considering that there are eight billion people on this planet. What are the odds that the person you chose to build a relationship with is going to always and indefinitely be the most desirable person in the world to you? Very, very low. Plus people change, and relationships change over time, so you can’t expect desire to remain absolutely constant. That’s why long-term relationships are based on commitment and not on desire alone. That’s why it used to be so hard to get a divorce: it was meant to deter married people from abandoning their commitments just because they were having a bad day or a bad year, or because they saw a hot person in a bar and became infatuated.
I think there’s a world of difference between desire and action. I might hate my boss, and I might desperately want to wring his neck, but does that make me a murderer or a violent person? No. I’m not guilty of violence unless I act upon my desires, or unless I start making a plan to hurt my boss and I intend to follow through on that plan. When desire turns into action or serious intention, that’s when the line has been crossed. It’s the same way with cheating or with other “crimes.” Desire alone does not equal guilt.
Desire is involuntary, but action is voluntary. Action is something you can control, but desire is generally outside of your control…that’s the key difference. Why am I harping on this? Partly because I don’t want anyone to beat themselves up for something they can’t control. I don’t want anyone to beat themselves up for having perfectly natural and understandable desires that every human has. But the other reason is that I don’t want to see anyone use desire as an excuse. If you believe that having certain desires automatically makes you guilty, then it’s easier to rationalize certain behaviors to yourself. You might think, “I’m already guilty of cheating, because I desire someone else more than my partner…therefore I might as well do what my desires tell me to do, since I’m guilty either way!”
